Stories I’m Too Lazy to Write About [1-28-15]

Paris Hilton monkey whacking it gif

 No man or monkey is immune to Paris Hilton‘s feminine charms. (Uproxx)

Amada Peet (wife of creator David Benioff) hates Game of Thrones(Gawker)

33% increase in people being idiots with guns at the airport since 2013. (Mental Floss)

Eat as much fat as you can because it‘s delicious keeps you young. (MaxWorkouts)

Woman born with adactylia talks pros and cons of Freakshow’s Lobster Boy. (Jezebel)

One of Blink 182‘s lead singers is still in the band but refuses to tour or record. (Spin)

Football-playing children will grow up braindead. Might I suggest ballet? (Time)

The new Ghostbusters movie is basically Bridesmaids 2 with ghosts. (CinemaBlend)

Steven Tyler Breaks Up With His Mistress, ‘American Idol’

After two years of watching amateurs sing, American Idol judge Steven Tyler is departing from the show to do what he does best. No, not breaking gender boundaries and confusing people who have poor eyesight – being a frontman!

He released a statement yesterday saying he wanted to focus on Aerosmith.

“After some long…hard…thoughts…I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress American Idol before she boils my rabbit,” he said. “I strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back.”

J-Lo and Randy Jackson may also not be returning but there has been no confirmation either way. Adam Lambert, Miley Cyrus, Will.i.am Katy Perry, Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj are rumored to be eyeing the position(s).  Continue reading “Steven Tyler Breaks Up With His Mistress, ‘American Idol’”

Lindsay Lohan, More Talent Than Rosie O’Donnell? NEVAHH

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black, Michael Lohan lashed out at Rosie O’Donnell after she called Lindsay Lohan unfit to portray Elizabeth Taylor in the new Lifetime movie Liz & Dick.

“I feel very sorry for her, I think she needs a lot of help,” O’Donnell told a Today Show panel on Tuesday. “She needs a lot of time away. On ‘SNL’ it wasn’t as though she delivered, people watched expecting, hoping, wishing, but she needs a lot of help. I don’t think she’s right for the role, and I don’t think she’s capable at this point of doing what’s needed to portray that character, I think the interest level in her has waned significantly.” Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan, More Talent Than Rosie O’Donnell? NEVAHH”

Steven Tyler Needs A Breast Reduction

It’s baffling to me that Steven Tyler was once considered one of the sexiest frontmen of the 70’s and 80’s alongside Bret Michaels and Mick Jagger. Now he’s more like something you’d snicker at on the National Geographic Channel or in your parent’s contemporary art history book.

This photo was posted yesterday on TMZ with the headline “Steven Tyler topless in Maui.” His boobs just keep getting bigger too, he’s definitely a B-cup, a future [insert inappropriate Hepatitis C joke here] C. Tyler may have a busy year in 2012. He’s signed on for one more season of American Idol, engaged and soon-to-be-wed, and was the first guest on Oprah’s Next Chapter, a new primetime series, January 1st.

Continue reading “Steven Tyler Needs A Breast Reduction”