Guillermo del Toro Goes Back To Horror Roots With ‘Crimson Peak’

crimson peak ghost Crimson Peak Guillermo del Toro‘s return to cinematic horror since his action-heavy ode to Japanese monsters (Pacific Rim), TV vampires (The Strain) and comic books (Hellboy) — stars Mia Wasikowska as a girl living in a haunted house who moves to a much more haunted house to be with a mysterious man (Tom Hiddleston) and his sister (Jessica Chastain) in 19th century England.

There’s blood in the pipes and ghosts in the floor, but she doesn’t leave presumably because of Hiddlestain’s sinister plan to, I dunno, kill her in some overly elaborate way that leads to an equally complex but fun plot twist right before the credits roll.

Continue reading “Guillermo del Toro Goes Back To Horror Roots With ‘Crimson Peak’”

Current Photos of Actress Daveigh Chase Will Make You a Lot Less Afraid of ‘The Ring’

Daveigh Chase sexy I was in high school when The Ring came out. It was the first time in a decade everyone was talking about a horror movie in the same way I imagine they were when The Shining or Psycho debuted, and also the first time I was afraid of a common object (the TV).

All this thanks to a performance from Daveigh Chase, who played the nightmare-inducing Samara in the 2002 American remake of Ringu.

Now that I’m, uh, not 16, and Chase is 24, blonde and a frequent poster of sexy pictures on Instagram, I think we can all rest easy. (Or easier, at least?)
girl from the ring all grown up Now if only someone would post a photo of the horses from The Ring alive and well in an Easter-themed pasture somewhere dressed as My Little Ponies or unicorns…

Emma Watson Cast as Belle in ‘Beauty and the Beast’

Feminist/actress/down-to-earth sex symbol Emma Watson has been cast as Belle in a live action version of Beauty and the Beast directed by Bill Condon of Breaking Dawn, uh, fame.

Can’t wait for Belle to be pregnant with Beast’s baby and have to sacrifice Mrs. Potts (voice of Meryl Streep, obviously) to it. Speaking of that, how on earth are they going to depict talking clocks and dishware? Will the feather duster still get it on with the candlestick?

Are they going to do my favorite Disney movie justice or is it just Fifty Shades of Grey with an animal twist. Like the highest budget donkey show ever…  Continue reading “Emma Watson Cast as Belle in ‘Beauty and the Beast’”

Tatiana Maslany and Rooney Mara Up For Big ‘Star Wars’ Role

Emmy-less Tatiana Maslany (Orphan Black) and Oscar-less Rooney Mara (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) are both up for a leading lady position on the next, next Star Wars movie. NOT this year’s The Force Awakens, but the one from 2015 directed by Gareth Edwards (looking to redeem himself for the Godzilla reboot). British actress Felicity Jones (Autobahn, The Theory of Everything) is also screen testing for the job.

In a perfect world Mara, Maslany and Jones are testing for a role as Mara Jade Skywalker from Timothy Zahn’s awesome Star Wars books, the Thrawn trilogy, which should honestly serve as source material for any new SW movie.

Tell me you don’t agree after reading this description of Zahn’s Heir to the Empire:

It’s five years after Return of the Jedi: the Rebel Alliance has destroyed the Death Star, defeated Darth Vader and the Emperor, and driven out the remnants of the old Imperial Starfleet to a distant corner of the galaxy. Princess Leia and Han Solo are married and expecting Jedi Twins.

The Thrawn trilogy has been credited by many for keeping Star Wars going and was the only known remedy for people with debilitating post traumatic Phantom Menace disease.

In the off chance that they are actually auditioning to play Mara Jade, Google Image Search suggests we picture them in Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow costume from Iron Man 2 and The Avengers… 
orphan black attack of the clonesRead: Why Tatiana Maslany Should Be On Your Radar

Goth Icons Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton Are No More

Tim Burton helena bonham makeupAfter 13 years, two children and 7 movies together, epic crazy-haired witch Helena Bonham Carter and slightly less epic crazy-haired warlock Tim Burton have split up.

It’s a sad sad day, but I know most people’s first question isn’t “Oh No, what happened?” it’s “Who the f*ck is going to star in his movies now??”

What other spicy gothic British woman with dirty Renaissance thift store swag could possibly fill her shoes? Do we really have to wait for Kate Beckinsale to lose her mind, or will Tim Burton throw us a bone and continue to work with his ex out of respect for the craft and the fact that his movies will suck even more without her…  Continue reading “Goth Icons Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton Are No More”

Nvm: Sony WILL Show ‘The Interview’ on Christmas

seth rogen james franco dancing the interview gif imgurWell this is confusing, the CEO/Chairman of Sony is saying that the studio has “never given up on releasing The Interview, after a spokesman said they had “no further release plans” less than a week earlier due to the negative press surrounding the movie.

Sony’s Michael Lynton also said the following about the controversial Seth Rogen comedy:

We are continuing our efforts to secure more platforms and more theaters so that this movie reaches the largest possible audience.

Continue reading “Nvm: Sony WILL Show ‘The Interview’ on Christmas”

Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters

Kim jong il death scene the interviewSeth Rogen and James Franco’s The Interview has been scrapped from all major theaters by Sony, who also reportedly have NO PLANS to release in on DVD or on demand due to the plot of the entire movie, specifically a scene were their beloved(?) leader Kim Jong-un burns to death in slow motion.

Leaked emails from Rogen himself detailed the gory scene, which apparently included “hair burning,” “face embers” and a “wave of head chunks.” 

Sounds hilarious, right? North Korean hackers didn’t quite think so…

After catching wind of The Interview, a group calling themselves the “Guardians of Peace” threatened to bomb any venue who dared screen it, 9/11 style.

Warning

the interview posterWe will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the
premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.
Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.
The world will be full of fear.
Remember the 11th of September 2001.
We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.
(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)
Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.
All the world will denounce the SONY.

Continue reading “Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters”

Trailer: Terminator Genisys

The new Terminator movie is just different enough to not be Salvation (the one with Christian Bale) or Rise of the Machines (the one with Claire Danes) and just familiar enough to generate interest. This is the one with Emilia Clarke with hardcore Linda Hamilton hair delivering the iconic “Come with me if you want to live” line.

  
Plus a school bus flipping over, shirtless Arnold and naked Jai Courtney (from Spartacus).

Is that you, Jake Gyllenhaal?

Jake Southpaw transformationJake Gyllenhaal has played a soldier, the moochy brother of a soldier, a detective, a creep, a time-traveling teen in a bunny suit and Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, and now he’s a hulked-out left-handed boxer in Southpaw.

Southpaw, directed by Antoine Fuqua (Training Day) and written by Kurt Sutter (Sons of Anarchy) is the not-at-all-based-on-a-true-story of struggling fighter Billy Hope. It was originally supposed to star Eminem.

Things Worth Noting from the ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Teaser

John Boyega star wars
Before sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner I ask my Mom how she feels about new Star Wars movies being made and I learn that she had NO IDEA about the George Lucas abominations made long after the good ones from the ’70s and ’80s.

She might be the luckiest woman on earth, and not just because I’m her daughter.
droid bot volleyball gif the force awakens
Anyway, the new trailer – which hopes to fully erase The Phantom Menace from our minds as well – features a scared black man, a bot riding around on a volleyball and a mysterious member of the dark side hunched over in the woods. (Space Voldemort?)

An authoritative voice tells us “There has been an awakening.” How awake are we?

Continue reading “Things Worth Noting from the ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Teaser”

If Only ONE of These ’22 Jump Street’ Sequels Were Real…

23 jump street fireman school
If you’ve seen 22 Jump Street then you probably caught the hilarious fake posters for 23/24/25+ Jump Street shown during the credits.

Channing Tatum has unenthusiastically said “I feel like it’s all redundant” about starring in another sequel, but if any of these movies ever got made I at least know I’d be happy…

(But, like Sharknado and 22 Jump Street, I wouldn’t actually watch them.)  Continue reading “If Only ONE of These ’22 Jump Street’ Sequels Were Real…”

Trailer: Big Eyes

After years of tackling bizarre films about scissor-handed bondage enthusiasts, apes in space, Dracula and other monsters, almost all exclusively starring Johnny Depp, Tim Burton has turned over a new leaf. Title aside, Big Eyes is being billed as Tim Burton’s most “normal” movie since Big Fish, which, if you recall, still featured a giant and a witch.

Sans monsters and Depp, the movie is based on the real-life story of an artist (Amy Adams) whose husband (Christoph Waltz) took credit for her work in ’50s/60s-era San Francisco.

Continue reading “Trailer: Big Eyes”

‘Snowpiercer’ is a Much Grittier ‘The Hunger Games,’ For Railway Enthusiasts

Chris Evans snowpiercer still If you haven’t seen Snowpiercer yet, you need to, immediately. Here’s what it’s about, in case you saw it on one of those Best of 2014 lists and were still on the fence….

Basically, in the future – 2031 to be exact – the human race has decided to release a chemical into the atmosphere to cool the climate, but it works too well and freezes everything and the last few remnants of mankind are stuck on a train that circles earth once a year.

It’s based on a French graphic novel (Le Transperceneige), and is basically a much grittier, gorier South Korean version of The Hunger Games, except on a train.

With Chris Evans as Katniss (or Princess Elsa), Jamie Bell as Peeta, Tilda Swinton as Effy, and Ed Harris as President Snow. HUNGER TRAIN!
Frozen arm snowpiercer
The train circles the earth once a year and works on a horribly unfair class system, with the people at the back of the train eating roach protein and getting their arms frozen off and broken with sledgehammers by the rich sushi-eating folk at the front when they misbehave.

Brooding dude in a beanie Curtis (Captain America) decides to do something about it and break through the security gates to take control of the “eternal engine” with the help of an imprisoned drug addict and his clairvoyant daughter.  Continue reading “‘Snowpiercer’ is a Much Grittier ‘The Hunger Games,’ For Railway Enthusiasts”

‘Life After Beth’ is Aubrey Plaza’s ‘Warm Bodies’

Aubrey Plaza zombie movieAs far as zombie comedies go, there’s Zombieland with its famed rules of escape, British zomedy Shaun of the Dead, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, Planet Terror, Zack Snyder’s super gory Dawn of the Dead remake etc.

The latest, Life After Beth, has two parents (John C. Reilly and Molly Shannon) and a boyfriend (Dane DeHaan) dealing with the reality of their beloved (Aubrey Plaza) rising from the grave.

It’s essentially Warm Bodies with a gender reversal, only one zombie and a focus on the former human’s newfound appetite for flesh. Or Jennifer’s Body advertised properly, with queen of one-liners/Parks and Rec show-stealer as the dead girl.

In theaters August 15. Click HERE to watch the trailer.  Continue reading “‘Life After Beth’ is Aubrey Plaza’s ‘Warm Bodies’”

Megan Fox Cares Too Much About Her Children to Make More Than 1 Movie a Year

Megan fox sons ellenMegan Fox is not as shallow as you may have once thought and cares much more about her two sons than her fans. During a chat with Parents magazine, Fox explained that due to an intense case of “mommy guilt,” her heart is no longer in bending over cars, puking black slime or having her boobs jiggled by Leslie Mann.

Really her only motivation to act is to pump up Bodhi and Noah’s college fund…

“I have to make one movie a year because I have to invest in their future and I have to be able to pay their way through college and be able to provide for them,” she said. “I’m looking for movies that will shoot in Los Angeles, for projects where I’m part of an ensemble so I can shoot in and out in 10-20 days. It’s all about trying to spend as little time away from my kids as possible.”

Any time she does crawl out of the baby rearin’ ether and into the spotlight, it’s to talk about babies. Ugh. Note the high-pitched squeal as she points at photosContinue reading “Megan Fox Cares Too Much About Her Children to Make More Than 1 Movie a Year”

‘Maleficent’ is a Sword in the Heart of ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Fans Everywhere

Maleficent new and old
Maleficent did mighty well at the box office, resulting in Angelina Jolie’s biggest opening weekend that trumped Tomb Raider and Wanted by millions, but many fans of Disney’s original Sleeping Beauty are calling it disappointing and a little anti-feminist.

The discussion on where Maleficent went wrong seems to always begin with the villain not being nearly as evil as we remember: from her strange, distant interactions with Princess Aurora, the botched story of how she lost her wings and turned evil goth solely because of a man, and the fact that she never f*cking turns into a dragon.

Via i09’s “How Could Disney Do This To Maleficent“:

She doesn’t really build any sort of personality; instead all we see is a woman who is reacting to a slew of terrible things her former lover inflicts on her. It just seems like she’s running around, coming up with all of these ideas as they hit her. Her go-to move is to zap people into unconscious human balloons, which she then manipulates around in the air.

The article’s author, Meredith Woerner says the film spends way too much time on Aurora and not her wicked fairy godmother, and that the retelling of the story depicts Maleficent as a mentally weak woman who makes rash decisions because Aurora’s father, King Stefan, “drugged and violated her.” Continue reading “‘Maleficent’ is a Sword in the Heart of ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Fans Everywhere”