Every Thing Miley Cyrus DID At The 2015 VMAs

miley drag queen vmasA lot of folks are talking about what Miley Cyrus wore at the 2015 Video Music Awards, and while she did earn the title of Space Skank and Juicy Fruit Whore with her many neon, crotch-framing outfits, her hosting gig was about more than just costume changes. Here are a few things she did:

1. Became a feminist. I wasn’t aware that appearing in tired sketches about getting high with rappers and “accidentally” showing some nip from behind a curtain equalled feminism, but website-I-usually-respect Pajiba says she’s “spurring a new wave of sexual revolution like Madonna did in the 80s.”

By having such obvious fun with her body in a way that mocks the Male Gaze, she’s challenging society’s concept of women’s bodies.

By this logic, every scantily clad, kinda weird pop star is a feminist. Grace Jones, yes. Gaga, maybe. Miley, NO.

2. Got called out by Nicki Minaj. I thought for sure Nicki Jekyll and Hydeing from sweet to pissed while accepting the Best Hip-Hop Video award for “Anaconda” was fake. She was visibly laughing while referencing an interview where Cyrus called her “not very polite” for the way she handled the Taylor Swift feud (a beef that was probably created solely to be squashed during the show’s intro), but according to MTV, the moment was 100% unscripted.

miley what's good

And now, back to this bitch that had a lot to say about me the other day in the press, Miley what’s good?

It was much more amusing that Nicki randomly thanked her pastor in her speech, but whatever.

3. Announced a new, free album. It’s called Dead Petz, was inspired by The Flaming Lips and has a lot to do with weed being more available than ever. Witness the lyrics to “Pablow The Blowfish:”

Pablow the Blowfish I miss you so bad
on Saturday night we all went out to eat
I can never decide, so someone chose sushi
I got soup, I ordered rice, but watching my friends eat my friends ruined my appetite

Suspiciously similar to “My Little Locked Room” from Slackers, right?

Things are at least a bit more clear on “Bang Me Box:”

I wanna touch it so bad, it’s almost like I can feel it on my fingertips
I want yours inside of me but don’t forget where I like licking babe
I want you to bang my box

Is she sadder about her dead fish friend than she is horny for Stella Maxwell?

4. Danced with drag queens. Miley turnt it all the way up (though nothing was more exciting than Ye’s announcement about Kim Kardashian being the potential first lady of the United States of America) for her performance of “Do It” with a hoard of humpy drag queens. A scene that surely continued Bieber’s epic fit of tears over his own awesomeness fear of heights.

5. Pissed off black people. Miley drew criticism from Chance The Rapper (among others) on Twitter for her Gone In Sixty Seconds dreadlocks and use of the word “mammy” while talking about her grandma in a skit featuring Snoop Dogg, but was it really any worse than her Kim K joke?

Kim Kardashian, I mean have you guys seen those nipples? I am so jealous of the baby in there.

According to the internet dictionary, the term mammy can refer to “one’s mother (especially as a child’s word)” or a black nursemaid in charge of white children.

6. Showed concern for The Weeknd’s hair. After the Weeknd’s show-stopping rendition of “I Can’t Feel My Face” (in the sort-of words of Kathleen Madigan, “I hope it’s not Bell’s Palsy”), long-hair-don’t-care Miley called Mr. Tesfaye a braver soul than she.

All that fire, and all that hair? I mean, I’ll do almost anything, but that is where I draw the line. That shit is fucking crazy.

So I wasn’t the only one having flashbacks to one of The Weeknd’s biggest influences, Michael Jackson, getting second-degree burns during his Pepsi commercial?

 

This Year’s VMAs are Cursed

scary britney spearsThe 2014 VMAs haven’t even begun and they’re already more interesting than they’ve been in a long long time…

So far, Suge Knight was shot, Nicki Minaj’s dancer was bit by a snake during rehearsals, Iggy Azalea fell backwards off the stage AAAND this year’s show is officially cursed.

Knight is currently in intensive care recovering from stomach and arm injuries caused by gunfire at Chris Brown’s pre-party, Iggy Azalea and Nicki Minaj’s dancer – who was attacked by a boa constrictor during a run-through of “Anaconda” – appear to be fine.

Individually, we could assume that Tupac cursed Suge Knight from the grave for being involved in his murder and Nicki had bad karma after cursing Iggy Azalea for stealing her thunder, OR we could apply actual logic and say that Suge is a known gangster and Iggy’s ass and gravity are as deadly a combination as wild animals and human dancers.

All I have to say is, this is what happens when you don’t invite Britney Spears.

‘Skins’ Star Kathryn Prescott Cast as Lead on MTV’s ‘Finding Carter’

For those of you wondering what’s next for Kathryn Prescott, who played Emily Fitch – one half of identical twins Katie and Emily and most tragic teen couple of all time, Emily and Naomi – on the UK version of Skins, MTV has your answer.

In the vein of Switched at Birth and Life Unexpected, Finding Carter is a drama centering around a troubled girl who must adjust to living with her real family after learning a dark secret about the woman who raised her.

This is one of the first times we’re seeing a Skins alum on something other than Game of Thrones or the red carpet next to Jennifer Lawrence…  Continue reading “‘Skins’ Star Kathryn Prescott Cast as Lead on MTV’s ‘Finding Carter’”

‘Faking It’ Recap: Three To Tango

Faking it threesome episode
This year, MTV birthed a very decent show in the vein of Awkward called Faking It about a teenage girl who realizes she’s falling for her best friend after they decide to pretend to be lesbians in order to stand out at their ultra-liberal high school in Austin, Texas.

Struggling with sexual identity may not necessarily be a relatable theme, but having feelings for someone you can’t have is, and that’s what makes the show special.

In the sixth episode of Faking It, Amy (Rita Volk, the potentially gay one) reluctantly agrees to have a threesome at the request of Karma (American Idol contestant Katie Stevens, the straight friend), who desperately wants to lose her virginity to the “hot guy” character, who, like all heartthrobs on TV, is constantly referred to by his first and last name.
rules of a threesome faking it
As expected, the unsure-ness of what’s to come gets to all three parties, and begins with awkward silences and glances back and forth…   Continue reading “‘Faking It’ Recap: Three To Tango”

Justin Timberlake Cut N*SYNC VMA Reunion Show, Wanted to Focus More on Himself

'N sync vmasHere’s a funny one – Justin Timberlake commissioned a reunion show with N*SYNC…and then cut half of it.

JT reportedly reached out to the former band members and convinced them to do a reunion show at the VMAs on Sunday, as he would be accepting the Michael Jackson Vanguard Award and had a 15-minute performance time to work with.

Rumors began swirling last week that the band had something in the works, putting dangerous amounts of stress on 20-something-year-old girls across the country.

But when the band did their thing, the performance was met with a ton of disappointment. Probably because the band only performed one song. The set was originally intended to feature a full medley of N*SYNC hits, but JT reportedly kept cutting it back more and more, reducing it to the 2-minute quickie we saw on Sunday.  Continue reading “Justin Timberlake Cut N*SYNC VMA Reunion Show, Wanted to Focus More on Himself”

Major Lazer and the Most Awkward Interview Ever

Diplo kennedy interview awkward lollapalooza 2013If you remember MTV back in the 90s, when the focus was more on music and less on slutty teenage girls who get pregnant and graduate to porn, you might remember the show Alternative Nation, with host Lisa Kennedy Montgomery (aka Kennedy). She’s now the host of LA’s 98.7FM morning show Music in the Mornings, so if you’re an LA resident you may also be familiar with her current status.

Apparently she also interviews artists at Lollapalooza, the annual Chicago-based music festival that took place this past weekend. A video of Kennedy’s interview with Major Lazer has surfaced, and it’s the most uncomfortable 6 minutes and 34 seconds of human interaction I’ve ever had to cringe my way through. Check it out here. I’ll break down the interview below:

0:03 – Wow, right off the bat this shit gets awkward. Kennedy moronically refers to Jillionaire and Walshy Fire as “the other two people who make up Major Lazer.” Alright, I know they’re living in the shadow of the almighty Diplo, but seriously, do your research. Jillionaire responds with “That used to be funny.” I applaud this response.  Continue reading “Major Lazer and the Most Awkward Interview Ever”

Michael Jordan Rolled the Dice For a Famous VJ’s Virginity

mtv vj naked In her new book, former MTV VJ Kennedy talks about how her interview style was inspired by Howard Stern, an awkward encounter with Thom Yorke, and Madonna’s unlikely romance with Black Flag vocalist Henry Rollins. And then there’s the time Michael Jordan tried to devirginize her with a pair of dice.

Not like, insertion.

Apparently she was sitting around in New York with Russell Simmons and Michael was all like “If I win, you come back to my hotel room with me tonight.”

She definitely makes it sound like he was joking, writing that he quickly reminded her that he had a wife and ended up agreeing to play for bball tickets instead of Georgia O’Queef.

From TMZ:

Kennedy says she freaked out because she was a virgin –and imagined MJ’s giant penis would “eviscerate me from the inside out” … so she asked if they could play for Knicks tickets instead.

Continue reading “Michael Jordan Rolled the Dice For a Famous VJ’s Virginity”

Mayor of Charleston Says He Hopes MTV’s ‘Buckwild’ Has a Short Life, Like Shain Gandee

Shaine Gandee buckwildOne of the nine cast members of Buckwild died on Sunday after crashing his car in Sissonville, West Virginia.

The bodies of 21-year-old Shain Gandee, his uncle, and an unidentified friend were discovered in their vehicle after being reported missing 31 hours earlier.

The car’s tail pipe was immersed in mud, causing the authorities to believe the passengers died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Danny Jones, the mayor of Charleston, called for the show to be cancelled.

Of the few cast members on the show already two have had legal issues and now one has died.  The show only enhances the negative stereotype the Kanawha Valley already has. I hope the show’s life is short.  Continue reading “Mayor of Charleston Says He Hopes MTV’s ‘Buckwild’ Has a Short Life, Like Shain Gandee”

What To Expect From Ke$ha’s Reality Show

Kesha my crazy beautiful life promoI have a bad feeling about the Ke$ha reality show MTV just okayed.

Maybe it won’t live up to its full potential, like Snakes on a Plane. Maybe it’ll die after two seasons the way The Ashlee Simpson show did.

What if it isn’t about Ke$ha drinking her own puke out of an iron lung??

So what will My Crazy Beautiful Life (also the name of her book), which debuts in April, actually be about? Ke$ha says it will reveal a “more complete picture” of her life, which is “real” and “not at all glamorous.”  Continue reading “What To Expect From Ke$ha’s Reality Show”

No, Seriously, MTV’s ‘BuckWild’ is the Decay of Western Civilization

Buckwild cast  2012Adam Levine recently called Here Comes Honey Boo Boo the “worst thing that’s ever happened” and the “DECAY of Western Civilization,” which I guess means he’s never seen previews for MTV’s new show.

BuckWild feels like both a replacement for Jersey Shore and a slightly more adult answer to TLC and Honey Boo Boo Child’s brand of redneckognition (I use the term “adult” loosely, and only because the nine cast members are older than Alana).

Sadly, Flavor of Love star Becky “Buckwild” Johnston has nothing to do with this show about West Virginians engaging in acceptable hick activities like squirrel huntin,’ and rope swingin.’  Continue reading “No, Seriously, MTV’s ‘BuckWild’ is the Decay of Western Civilization”

MTV Series Based On Horror Documentary ‘Catfish’ Debuts Nov. 12

In honor of Halloween, let’s talk about the movie CatfishThis was a horribly marketed “documentary” by Paranormal Activity 3 directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman starring younger cinematographer bro Nev Schulman.

Horribly marketed because it was a horror movie in the way that Fatal Attraction or The Crying Game are. I don’t like false pretenses, especially when I’m shelling out $10.50 for said pretenses. (Spoiler ahead)…

Catfish was a decent movie in terms of tension but the “big scare” revolved around a slightly overweight older woman with red hair. Anyway, the new show (Catfish: The TV Show) by Ariel and Nev is coming soon to MTV and promises more unhealthy doses of reality.  Continue reading “MTV Series Based On Horror Documentary ‘Catfish’ Debuts Nov. 12”

James Cameron Reveals The Plot Of ‘Avatar 4’

James Cameron revealed his plans for the Avatar sequels at a Titanic press event saying that although he hasn’t put pen to paper, he does have “an idea” for the fourth.

He tells MTV:

“Basically it goes back to the early expeditions of Pandora, and kind of what went wrong with the humans and the Na’vi and what that was like to be an explorer and living in that world.”

So Avatar 4 is a prequel, what about two and three?

Cameron says the next two films will probably complete the “thematic arc,” thus leading them to go back to see “what it was like on those first expeditions” in 4. #Vague

Rihanna Sings Song About Chris Brown To Room Full Of… Chris Brown, At 2012 VMAs [UPDATE]

I’m watching the VMAs right now and as usual, I’ve been tricked into it.

Tricked by my own memories, memories of Rage Against The Machine, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog, and slave Britney Spears with a snake, (hell I’d take post-bald Britney huffing around to “Gimme More”).

This time, Kevin Hart hosts. He’s like tiny Chris Rock, without the humor. Lackluster Hart came out surrounded by midget bodyguards, then rhymed his way through some Laffy Taffy jokes, spending more time congratulating people than insulting them.  Continue reading “Rihanna Sings Song About Chris Brown To Room Full Of… Chris Brown, At 2012 VMAs [UPDATE]”

It’s The End Of An Era, ‘Jersey Shore’ Cancelled After Six Seasons

MTV has announced that Jersey Shore‘s sixth season, premiering October 4, will be its conclusion. As in, series finale.

No more gym tan laundry sex, no more Situation lifting up his shirt to remind women that he’s not a potato nailed to a Hollister mannequin, no more silicon JWoww blueprint in the mirror, no more bar fights or juicehead chest-beating…

Of course there’s always The Real World and Bad Girls Club if you are missing the fights THAT bad.

And of course Snooki will always be available to you, if you want her to be. She’s like Tinkerbell, if you clap for her (and by clap I mean follow on Twitter) she won’t die. Also, her birth will be televised on Snooki & JWoww.  Continue reading “It’s The End Of An Era, ‘Jersey Shore’ Cancelled After Six Seasons”

‘The Real World’ Season 28 Is Currently Filming In Portland, Oregon

It may be the popularity of Portlandia that finally convinced the Real World producers to stop revisiting states (California x5, New York x3) and take their camera crews to our wonderfully weird Pacific Northwestern city.

Season 28 of MTV’s once-phenomenal, now-tedious show is filming as we speak. For anyone who lives in the area, their living quarters are located on the corner of NW 9th and Flanders above an antique shop in the Pearl District.  Continue reading “‘The Real World’ Season 28 Is Currently Filming In Portland, Oregon”

Punk’d Is Back, Minus The Excitement

In other semi Ashton Kutcher-related news Punk’d is back after a five year absence and it’s boring as hell. I don’t know why they use the expression, “boring as hell,” the harps and clouds description of heaven seems a little tamer and possibly snoozeworthy.

Back on topic, Kutcher is still attached as a producer but its co-creator Jason Goldberg was actually in Thursday’s episode. Justin Bieber was the guest pranker, pulling the wool over Taylor Swift, Miley Cryus, Rob Dyrdek and Sean Kingston’s eyes.

The most memorable but still uninteresting trick was when Taylor Swift was made to think she’d lit a boat on fire. The Bieb’s got his evil wish to see her I-just-won-a-Grammy face and make her cry.

Continue reading “Punk’d Is Back, Minus The Excitement”

MTV Buckles Down For Sober Situation And Mother Snookeresa

Jersey Shore fans, get ready for some news to quake your kooka. All you spray-tan loving, stupidity voyeurism-addiction-having motherfuckers better prepare for some new cast members as the show ‘transitions into a new generation.’

According to TMZ, MTV network executives are searching for fresh talent to incorporate into seasons six and seven. The production company behind the runaway exploitative hit, 495, look to limit The Situation and Snooki’s roles in light of their recent life changes.

Mike Sorrentino will likely be sober or at least keeping a TV facade of sobriety while Snooki prepares to breastfeed pour White Russians directly into her baby’s mouth. (Speculation)