Mickey Rourke’s Face Is Flatlining

Mickey Rourke isn’t going to be a mummy for Halloween but he wouldn’t have to change much to do so.

In new pictures acquired by Radar and The National Enquirer, Mickey’s face is on display after work (plastic surgery) he had done in 2011.

He can blame the broken nose and messed up cheekbone he incurred after his stint as a teenage boxer (from 1964 to 1972) all he wants but these surgeries are about as necessary as my neighbor burning steak and letting the entire hallway fill up with smoke.

I mean, would it kill you to open the outside door to let some air in? No, but Mickey is zero botched surgeries away from an unrevivable career. My hair still smells like smoke and his face looks like shit.

Jessica Simpson’s Baby News Upstaged By Kim Kardashian

Did you hear that Jessica Simpson confirmed her completely obvious pregnancy the other day? On Halloween?

Of course not, because Kim Kardashian got divorced that day. Bad news always trumps good news in the celebrity world.

It has Ms. Simpson wondering, “Is this a baby, what I have here?” (In tuna-confusion-voice)

No two million dollars for a People magazine spread covering the announcement, Jess gave her approval to Yahoo’s Omg! along with a picture that was already on her website, where she had originally written, “It’s true! I am going to be a mummy!”

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