Here’s Aaron Hernandez with the Murder Weapon…

Aaron Hernandez gunThis is [allegedly] a photo of former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez with the gun used to kill his friend, Odin Lloyd, in June at an industrial park in Massachusetts.

It’s a photo of a photo of a photo taken from a surveillance camera, so the quality is pretty bad, but the prosecution believes it’s of Hernandez is holding the .45 Glock used on the night of Lloyd’s death.

Either that or it’s just a picture of him holding another random gun on the night of the murder.

And O.J. and Casey Anthony were both innocent and global warming isn’t real.

Hernandez, who plead not guilty, has been linked to two other major crimes including a double homicide in 2012.

Former NE Patriot Aaron Hernandez Pleads Not Guilty to First-Degree Murder

Aaron Hernandez handcuffsNFL star Aaron Hernandez appeared in court today for the suspected murder of his friend, semi-pro Boston football player Odin Lloyd.

Hernandez plead not guilty to charges of first-degree murder and unregistered gun possession.

Massachusetts prosecution and police allege that the ex-Patriot’s tight end (he was let go by the team amid the scandal) either killed Lloyd, who suffered multiple gunshot wounds, or watched him die on June 17 and later destroyed evidence such as his cell phone and home surveillance camera.

Even though Lloyd’s body was found near Hernandez’s home and the two were clearly together on the night of his death, the defense believes the evidence is too weak for their client to be jailed. (The murder weapon has yet to be found.)

As for a motive, it is believed that Hernandez began to feel as if he couldn’t trust Lloyd after he was seen talking to a group of people he “had beef with.” This gang mentality seems to fit with reports that NFL teams and police were concerned about his drug use and “circle of influence” before he was drafted in 2010.

Continue reading “Former NE Patriot Aaron Hernandez Pleads Not Guilty to First-Degree Murder”

Wladimir Klitschko is Murdering Hayden Panettiere’s Vagina Again

Hayden P boxer boyfriend When considering going through with vagina murder, you don’t book a meeting with an all talk, no-action noob like Amanda Bynes. You want Hayden Panettiere, because she’s a goddamn expert on getting her vagina murdered daily.

On Sunday, 5’2″ Panettiere was spotted at a Miami Heat game making out with her 6’6″ ex-boyfriend, Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko. To recap, they broke up in 2011 after two years. He said managing a relationship “between two continents” was too difficult.

In actuality, it was because a reverse penis pump had yet to be invented. I mean, can you imagine sex between these two? It’s soul crushing.  Continue reading “Wladimir Klitschko is Murdering Hayden Panettiere’s Vagina Again”

If Drake Was a Horror Movie Villain and Amanda Bynes’ Vagina Was the Heroine’s Friend…

Amanda Bynes drake I was thinking about what Amanda Bynes said about Drake. (You know, that she wants him to “murder” her vagina.) And I wondered how the murder would occur. I figured the best scenario would be if her vag was the best friend of a horror movie heroine like Laurie Strode in Halloween.

Would he approach it slowly, from behind a tree, or stab it in the shower Norman Bates-style? Does he have a teasing, save-it-for-later mentality, like Leatherface when he put Pam on the meat hook and threw her in a freezer?

None of the above. Because if anyone’s the aggressor it’s her. Picture her ladybits crawling out of a television or asking him if he “wants to play a game.”

Continue reading “If Drake Was a Horror Movie Villain and Amanda Bynes’ Vagina Was the Heroine’s Friend…”

Chris Brown ‘More Violent’ Than Oscar Pistorius!??

Chris Brown/Oscar PistoriusWoman-beater Chris Brown was deemed “more violent” than woman-murderer Oscar Pistorius in a recent poll by on TMZ.

A shocking 55% of readers came to this conclusion after being asked a variety of basic questions about Pistorius involving fairness in the trial and his temperament.

So assuming Pistorius, now out on bail, did intentionally shoot his girlfriend (85% think so), we’re saying domestic violence somehow trumps murder? Is it because it’s “easier” and somehow less brutal, at least in our minds, to shoot someone through a door? Would post-mortem photos of Reeva Steenkamp with a bashed-in skull change their minds?  Continue reading “Chris Brown ‘More Violent’ Than Oscar Pistorius!??”

There’s No Getting Around It – Oscar Pistorius Meant To Kill His Girlfriend

Oscar Pistorius cryingThere are still friends, family and devout fans of Oscar Pistorius who do not want to explore the possibility that the murder of his girlfriend was not an accident, but if the police and news reports are even remotely correct, there is simply no way that it was.

30-year-old FHM model Reeva Steenkamp was shot four times through a door in the hand and head. Reports suggest that a first bullet hit her in the hip while she was in the bedroom, and that she was later chased into the bathroom. Even if she wasn’t attacked before entering the bathroom, there is little to no chance that Pistorius mistook her for an intruder.

Most people scream (or make recognizable noises of some sort) when their life is in danger…

Continue reading “There’s No Getting Around It – Oscar Pistorius Meant To Kill His Girlfriend”

South African Olympian Oscar Pistorius Shoots and Kills Girlfriend Valentine’s Day Morning

Oscar Pistorius girlfriendParalympic champion Oscar Pistorius, also known as “Blade Runner” and the “Fastest man on no legs,” was arrested today for the murder of his model/law graduate girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. Police arrived at Pistorius’ home in Pretoria, South Africa in the early hours of Valentine’s Day, recovering a 9 mm pistol from the scene believed to be the murder weapon.

Early reports suggested that the shooting was an accident and the possibly result of him confusing Steenkamp for an intruder while she was attempting to surprise him for Valentine’s.

Authorities say they had been called to his house multiple times for incidents of “a domestic nature,” and TMZ has learned that Pistorius was arrested in 2009 for assaulting a female companion.  Continue reading “South African Olympian Oscar Pistorius Shoots and Kills Girlfriend Valentine’s Day Morning”

Chiefs Will Not Cancel Game Against Carolina in Wake of LB Jovan Belcher Murder-Suicide

Jovan Belcher girlfriend 1Tragic news out of Kansas. Linebacker Jovan Belcher, 25, killed his 22-year-old girlfriend of three years in front of her mother, drove to Arrowhead stadium, thanked the general manager and coach, then shot himself in the head.

It was explained in an official statement that coach Crennel, the league office and team captains collectively decided to not cancel their afternoon game against the Carolina Panthers today.

Belcher’s motive for murdering girlfriend-of-three-years Kasandra Perkins just three months after she gave birth to his child is unknown. A friend of the couple tells the Kansas City Star that they had argued over Perkins staying out late for a concert and that she wasn’t aware of prior abuse.  Continue reading “Chiefs Will Not Cancel Game Against Carolina in Wake of LB Jovan Belcher Murder-Suicide”

The Biography Channel Killed My BFF

Biography is usually known for gripping shows like Celebrity Ghost Stories where you can hear Laila Ali describe how she was terrorized by a malicious bathroom-dwelling spirit.

Lately, they’ve gone downhill. The most relevant example of this is the new show I Killed My BFF about “Friendships that lead to unexpected crimes of passion.”

The website for this bizarre masterpiece says the program, which centers around everything from disputes over Facebook to a woman who “sabotaged her best friend’s parachute,” gives new meaning to the term “frenemy.”

Continue reading “The Biography Channel Killed My BFF”