Octomom’s In Rehab For a Wacky Xanax Addiction

Nadya Suleman has a Xanax addiction and is paying for a stint in rehab with the money she made on her solo porn, you know, the one her oldest son Elijah watched on his phone all casual like it was an extra apocalyptic director’s cut of Prometheus.

Octomom checked into Chapman House Drug Rehabilitation Center in SoCal, dividing her 14 churrens and handing them out to three desperate nannies and two drama-seeking friends (you are who you hang with).

“Nadya wanted to get off the Xanax she was prescribed by her doctor and learn to deal with her stress, exhaustion and anxiety with professional help with a team of doctors,” Her rep said in a statement.

Is anyone not surprised or worried that she was taking anti-anxiety medication?  Continue reading “Octomom’s In Rehab For a Wacky Xanax Addiction”

Many Will Die As Octomom’s Music Comes Alive

I don’t know why people are so negative about Nadya Suleman‘s music career. Don’t you need to start with positivity, to be let down?

TMZ released a clip of her new single “Sexy Party,” which begs the question, what would a sexy party with Octomom even be?

It seems like instead of a potluck, she’d have you bring Tupperware containers full of sperm. Then she’d make everyone take turns babysitting while she went into the other room with the turkey baster, yelling through the door at you about bankruptcy.

For a woman who has “zero sexual interest” she sure does a lot of sex-related things. Riding Stern’s Sybian, stripping, masturbation porn, singing Ke$ha-style songs about sexy parties.  Continue reading “Many Will Die As Octomom’s Music Comes Alive”

Octomom Has A ‘Boyfriend,’ What’s His Motive?

Nadya “Octomom” Suleman seems to be doing better, for her. The self-satisfying porn she’s in, Octomom: Home Alone, will hopefully pay off some of her reported debt of half a million dollars and she has a new man in her life and his name isn’t gargantuan prosthetic sexual device.

Suleman, who claims to have been celibate for the past 13 years (I tend to believe her) met her new boyfriend, amateur bodybuilder Frankie G, at church.

They were spotted at LAX kissing and canoodling after she arrived back in town from Philly. When asked if the age difference (he’s 23, and she’s 36) was a problem she responded:  Continue reading “Octomom Has A ‘Boyfriend,’ What’s His Motive?”

Octomom Fights Virgin

Ok so the title is a bit misleading, but it’s way more entertaining. Nadya Suleman (why do I hate to say that name, it just doesn’t flow on your tongue, it feels like saying “sour sardine”), gets on a Virgin airline flight and is apparently ganged up on by several of the female flight attendants.

I think she is likely used to the gang thing….cough cough we’re talking about Octomom; however she is saddened by this altercation and has vowed NEVER to take a Virgin airline flight again.

Octo-mom’s manager, Gina Rodriguez, claims the evil staff made them change seats, didn’t give them complimentary drinks and were seen (get this) laughing at them! OMG!

Continue reading “Octomom Fights Virgin”

Nadya Suleman Strips For Cash, Food, Or Kind Words

People shouldn’t have initiated Nadya Suleman into the gossip world with the name “Octomom” because she already had six children before 2009, when the octuplets were born.

I hereby rename her “Tetradeca Mom,” for fourteen. So, let’s use it in a story.

Tetradeca Mom (so dinosaur-y) has reportedly booked a job at the strip joint T’s Lounge, in Palm Beach.

She will be going topless and will not offer lap dances. What a shame.  Continue reading “Nadya Suleman Strips For Cash, Food, Or Kind Words”

Octomom’s In A Horror Movie, And It’s Kinda About Her Life

Trainwreck/stomach alien Nadya Suleman is still filming her first movie called Millennium,” due in 2012 and laughably about a woman who is impregnated by a female demon.

So it’s biographical, except that it was probably just a regular demon that fertilized her with those 14 children. Here’s a synopsis:

“’Millennium’ is the story of two friends, a young woman and young man, who visit another young woman who they’ve met on the internet. Once they arrive at the woman’s remote house unexplainable things begin to happen.”

The role is sort of her second shot at “acting” now that I research her horrifying past I have found that she was in a homemade fetish video where she spanked a dude in a diaper. What’s that called again?

Continue reading “Octomom’s In A Horror Movie, And It’s Kinda About Her Life”

Octomom’s Octobelly

Nadya Suleman, better known as the “octomom,” the one I really shouldn’t even be talking about due to the fact that she seems to revel in publicity, but these pictures can not go undiscussed or unseen. Well, they easily could, but I’m sick and I like to torture people…

Ms. Suleman is the proud mother of 14 children overall, so in all honesty this isn’t the worst thing I could imagine. Evil Beet mentioned it looking like Voldemort’s face (slit nose) and not only do I agree but I have a message for all potential mothers out there…

EVEN IF YOU ARE SKINNY, YOUR BODY IS GOING TO GET FUCKED THE FUCK UP.

Continue reading “Octomom’s Octobelly”