Kourtney Kardashian did the Naked Pregnancy Photo Thing

Kourtney kardashian dujour 2Kourtney Kardashian – my favorite, because she’s grumpy, throws the most shade at Kim and loves white meat even though it’s highly frowned upon in her family – is about to pop out another baby and figured she’d preserve the moment in time forever by showing her blown-up pregnancy belly and surprisingly not blown-up bosoms to the world via a naked Dujour magazine spread. (Scroll down for slightly NSFW photo.)

In their profile, Dujour calls Kourtney the “pacifying, nurturing one,” but you kind of have to be a little nurturing and patient when you have two little ones running around plus a Scott Disick AND, like all of us, you live in the constant cold shadow of Kim’s ass.  Continue reading “Kourtney Kardashian did the Naked Pregnancy Photo Thing”

Prince Fielder + EPSN Body Issue = Sexiest Cover of All Time

prince fielder body issue cover prince fielder body issue
Prince Fielder’s bear body and DGAF expression put the naked butts and boobs of fellow 2014 ESPN Body Issue cover models Venus Williams, Marshawn Lynch, [snowboarder] Jamie Anderson, Serge Ibaka and Michael Phelps to shame.

If you don’t want to ravish him on a fur rug, your face is a waste of good eye sockets. 

Continue reading “Prince Fielder + EPSN Body Issue = Sexiest Cover of All Time”

And the Best Nude Scene of the Year Goes to…

alexandra daddario true detective nude scene
The guy who founded Mr. Skin, all-knowing authority on naked ladies, says he already knows what the best nude scene of 2014 is, and the honor goes to True Detective and Alexandra Daddario

He says it was a close call between Margot Robbie (in The Wolf of Wall Street) and Daddario, who was previously known for more PG roles in the Percy Jackson series and Parenthood.  The Mr. Skin guy is very well-spoken, attributing her success to the fact that she “has these amazing breasts and all this other stuff.”

The crazy thing about True Detective, besides the jugs, is that people who have seen it and people who haven’t are in the same exact boat. I’ve watched it, and I’m 50% sure Matthew McConaughey plays two different people, but he can’t find himself because he’s always getting drunk in a police interrogation room. It’s HBO’s own United States of McConaughey.  Continue reading “And the Best Nude Scene of the Year Goes to…”

GQ Made Julia Louis-Dreyfus Bang a Clown

Julia Dreyfus clown sexFirst of all, I want to applaud Time magazine for trying to write a serious piece about Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ “lust-filled embrace” with a shirtless clown.

While they chose the title “Clown Sex and the Rise of Funny-Naked Women,” Gawker went with the much more straightforward and attention-grabbing “Julia Louis-Dreyfus F*cks a Clown For GQ.”

It’s not too hard to imagine Louis-Dreyfus agreeing to this, seeing as it was for the Comedy Issue, listing her as one of the “15 Funniest People Alive,” and this picture is definitely funny.

What’s almost better is the photo of the aftermath. #ClownBaby

Dreyfus is on a roll lately, also causing a bit of a controversy when she posed for an April cover of Rolling Stone with words from the US Constitution tattooed on her nude body.

Michelle Rodriguez Shares Naked Meditation Photo

Michelle Rodriguez naked Thailand Michelle Rodriguez, angry princess of action films and not giving a f*ck, recently shared a beautiful photo of the ocean view in Thailand. 

Probably taken by her girlfriend of two wonderful months (model Cara Delevingne, who Rodriguez called “cool” and “awesome” to The Mirror), the shot features lovely palm trees, grass, luscious tropical shrubs and most of Michelle’s ass.

“A sweet break from worldly chaos not missing the city although the mosquitoes are killer out here love the peace & quiet,” Rodriguez wrote on Instagram.

To cure your boredom, imagine bloodthirsty snakes, skin-melting fire ants and “caterpillars that shoot a cloud of venomous hairs” (according to THIS), interrupting this careless nude meditation session.

 

Natalia Kills Gets Half-Naked and High For ‘Trouble’

Natalia Kills Trouble stillHot off the release of her second album, Natalia Kills’ latest video is like “We Found Love,” “Love The Way You Lie” and maybe an episode of Skins: full of partial nudity, drug use and general hot-girl-on-ugly-guy mischief.

Kills, famous for her high ponytail and uptempo jams like “Free” (“Wanna be like Midas, but my bank account is minus”) and “Mirrors” from her first effort Perfectionist, usually sprinkles her songs with more than a hint awareness of irony, setting herself apart from the Katy Perrys of the world.

In “Trouble” Natalia’s romance with a hooligan is chronicled, starting with a filthy apartment and a make out session steamier than your vegan friend’s broccoli casserole. Kills (born Natalia Cappuccini), drags her boytoy into a bar where he gets into the inevitable fight which ends with her crying in the rain, plus car sex, plus HOLY SHIT I THINK SHE KILLED HER BOYFRIEND. Again. Continue reading “Natalia Kills Gets Half-Naked and High For ‘Trouble’”

Let’s All Take a Minute to Objectify Andrew Luck

Andrew Luck naked locker roomToday was a very upsetting day for me, football-wise.

The Eagles lost by two points to a team who had NEVER previously won a playoff game on the road… those damn voodoo-practicing, bayou bourbon-sipping swamp hobbits, the New Orleans Saints.

Before that depressing reality, Indianapolis made an impressive comeback against the Chiefs. But more interestingly, man-of-the-hour Andrew Luck was captured in an embarrassing half-naked locker room stance in a teammate’s tweet.

Culprit Pat McAfee later deleted this rare photo of a sasquatch in captivity (THAT neck beard tho), but not before it was saved to desktops and posted to every sports site on the internet. Whoops.  Continue reading “Let’s All Take a Minute to Objectify Andrew Luck”

Nicolas Cage’s Dirty Photos Stolen by Handyman (LOL)

Nicolas Cage recedingNational Treasure jokes were queued and loaded today as news hit the internet that best/worst actor of all time Nicolas Cage’s naked pics were stolen from his house.

Cage insists that explicit photos of him and the mother of his guyliner-wearing son, Weston Cage, “do not exist and never have,” confirming my fears that the story may be too good to be true.

He dated the woman in question in the ’80s, so it makes sense that there would be gnarly polaroids of Cage’s bulging whatever invading her personal space, and not a video because DIY nudes are so yesterday. (Just ask Terry Richardson.) From TMZ:

According to law enforcement, the intimate pics were stolen by a former handyman, who broke into Christina Fulton‘s house in April and jacked four computers and a box of wild photos.

The handyman, Ricardo Orozco, was arrested last month and charged with felony burglary. He’s pled not guilty and is currently being held on $1 MILLION bail.

If they existed they’d be on my screen right now, trust me. I’ve been waiting for this moment since Captain Corelli’s Mandolin.

Gays Stay Gay After Gaga Flashes Goodies

Lady gaga naked gay club 2013Gaga fans in London put their hands up and made ’em touch during a surprise performance at the Soho club G-A-Y.

If you were to ask 99.9% of that audience if they were more excited to hear her single “Venus” or see her naked body, well…. you know. It doesn’t help that she’s gone from borderline sexy in the videos for “Telephone” and “LoveGame” to Miracle Max’s swamp witch wife.

“Just saw LadyGaga do a surprise set at G-A-Y. She got her arse out & showed her vagina. All agrees it was impressive but we’re staying gay,” comedian Matt Lucas tweeted.

She got dat Thanksgiving turkey ass, and “Venus” is only slightly less underwhelming than THIS.

Continue reading “Gays Stay Gay After Gaga Flashes Goodies”

Miley Featured in New Video and on Rolling Stone

Miley Cyrus macklemoreMiley Cyrus continues her jet-propelled moment as the most famous woman of the next few months by doing absolutely nothing and everything all at once.

From crying at the iHeartRadio festival to everyone wondering if “Wrecking Ball” is about missing the hammer of Hemsworth to a brand new video where she raps about being naughty and getting high  looking like a child bride that stole mommy’s scissors and took shelter in Lil’ Kim’s closet for just a few too many years.

She also made a surprisingly valid point about the VMAs in Rolling Stone this month:

“No one is talking about the man behind the ass. It was a lot of ‘Miley twerks on Robin Thicke,’ but never, ‘Robin Thicke grinds up on Miley.’ They’re only talking about the one that bent over. So obviously there’s a double standard.”  Continue reading “Miley Featured in New Video and on Rolling Stone”

Video: Miley Cyrus – “Wrecking Ball”

I received a text the other day asking if I’d seen the Miley video where she is “naked swinging from a ball,” and I hadn’t, so I immediately YouTubed and found this.

And there’s really no twerking in “Wrecking Ball” at all because the adorable little boy with the growth hormones and piercing blue eyes is too busy licking hammers and grinding on the ashes of Tiffany and Sheena Easton and Britney Spears or anyone else who could be held responsible.  Continue reading “Video: Miley Cyrus – “Wrecking Ball””

Justin Bieber Serenaded His Grandma NAKED (Yeah, You Heard Me)

justin bieber naked guitarWhat could be more gross and lobotomy-worthy than these photos of naked Justin Bieber covering his wee maple schlong with a sunburst guitar in front of his grandmother on Turkey Day?

TMZ guesses that Justin did this last November as some kind of prank because any excuse to put things down his pants or pull his pants and shirt completely off is the right kind of excuse. (And nudity and family just go so well together.)

Notice anything strange about the picture on the left besides the obvious? …It’s just that Justin is approximately 5’7″, putting the grandmother at about three feet.

Okay fine, taking the step down into account, 4’1.” She’s still a Hobbit.  Continue reading “Justin Bieber Serenaded His Grandma NAKED (Yeah, You Heard Me)”

Miley Uses Marc Jacobs Campaign as Excuse to SURPRISE … Get Naked!

Miley cyrus naked t shirt Miley Cyrus will take any paper-thin excuse to be naked and run with it. Like this Marc Jacobs’ “Protect the Skin You’re In “ shirt, to raise awareness for skin cancer.

In my mind, being naked is the opposite of what you should be doing for melanoma. Bitches laying in the sun naked are the problem. I mean the more naked you are the more it’s like a magnifying glass zooming in on your lumpy ass moles that you definitely have to go to the dermatologist for.

It’s good but completely unoriginal advertising in the sense that sex always sells. I mean, hell, it works for PETA and NOH8 and anything breast cancer-related. Guys on Facebook are like, “Tell me what color your bra is, it’s for breast cancer, wink wink.” SURE.  Continue reading “Miley Uses Marc Jacobs Campaign as Excuse to SURPRISE … Get Naked!”

Kerri Walsh Jennings, Colin Kaepernick and Others Get Nekkid For 2013 ESPN Body Issue

Espn body issue covers 2013
ESPN have now released a ton of photos from their 2013 Body Issue to their website and look no further because I have them all. Right here. Naked. (I need the traffic.)

This year’s issue features the notable athletic butts of Colin Kaepernick (NFL), Olympic volleyball star Kerri Walsh Jennings, drag racer Courtney Force, Vernon Davis (NFL), 77-year-old golfer Gary Player and more.

“I like that I’m in shape but still look like a woman,” UFC champ Miesha Tate, scheduled to fight Ronda Rousey during a co-headline fight on December 28, 2013 (with Silva’s rematch against Weidman also on the bill), told the mag. “I don’t feel like I’ve had to give up my femininity to be an athlete.”  Continue reading “Kerri Walsh Jennings, Colin Kaepernick and Others Get Nekkid For 2013 ESPN Body Issue”

Guy Flashes His D*ck at Kings Of Leon Show, Parties with Band the Next Day

naked guy kings of leonBritish guy Jimmy Doris now has a famous penis.

During a Kings of Leon show in Birmingham, England on Tuesday night, Jimmy stripped down–like really stripped down–and flopped his jimmy around for all the LG Arena to see. NSFW photo here. The Twittersphere was abuzz the next day, with fans tweeting pictures and gems like “Came for the show, stayed for the penis” and “All hail the guy who got stark naked, and respect for his mate who let his balls touch his neck.”

And my personal favorite, “Mental show, thanks. Great penis!!!”  Continue reading “Guy Flashes His D*ck at Kings Of Leon Show, Parties with Band the Next Day”

Israeli Army Women Scolded For Posting Racy Photos to Facebook

naked israel women Facebook
Four or five female members of the Israeli Defense Forces are being called “the undressing soldiers” by the local media after being reprimanded for exposing their bras and g-strings in a series of photos on Facebook.

An IDF spokesperson said they were disappointed in the women, who are said to be recent recruits stationed in the Southern part of the country, and that they were disciplined for their “unbecoming” behavior as their commanding officers saw fit.  Continue reading “Israeli Army Women Scolded For Posting Racy Photos to Facebook”

Pamela Anderson, Michael Keaton and Miley Cyrus All Got Naked This Week

Pamela Anderson boobs 2013Michael Keaton nakedMiley Cyrus monokini
Partially naked Pamela Anderson, Michael Keaton and Miley Cyrus are like the three Fun Dip flavors, except fewer people want to lick the stick for fear of hepatitis (from at least two of them, right?).

Here’s how this happened… Pro white mamba charmer Pamela Anderson posed for Brazilian Vogue, actually looking better at 45 than monokini Miley on the new cover of her “We Can’t Stop” single...
Miley cyrus borat swimsuit
Then Michael Keaton, the only acceptable Batman, jumped around Times Square in his undies while filming Birdman, co-starring Emma Stone, Zach Galifianakis, Naomi Watts and Edward Norton.

I know your freaky ass is marrying Beetlejuice. But who do you f*ck and who do you kill?  Continue reading “Pamela Anderson, Michael Keaton and Miley Cyrus All Got Naked This Week”