Shailene Woodley’s Naturopathic, Organic Lifestyle is Refreshing and Oddly Charming

Shailene Woodley Flaunt 2013
Shailene Woodley is one of my people. Like the daughter of one of my mom’s friends, foraging for roots and saving mouse bones and and analyzing owl poop. You know her, right?

She played Clooney’s troublemaking daughter in The Descendants and the goody two-shoes girlfriend in the realistic and touching no-nonsense indie drama The Spectacular Now. She’s also been cast as Mary Jane in the third Amazing Spider-Man movie.

I’m not saying she’s a serial killer with that bone and poop stuff, to be clear. I’m saying she’s a lovable, wonderfully eccentric hippie who cares about the earth and being spiritual without judging anyone and not leaving a carbon footprint and all that other stuff that seems so cheesy and kind of makes you want to puke because you know you’re inferior and couldn’t live without 2% beef and 98% possum organ Taco Bell meat.

Here’s a word about her not-very-American eating and living habits, from Flaunt:

I think everything about my lifestyle is fairly alternative,” says the star. “I gather my own spring water from mountains every month. I go to a farm to get my food. I make everything from my own toothpaste to my own body lotions and face oils.”

Woodley continued, “I make my own medicines; I don’t get those from doctors. I make my own cheese and forage wild foods and identify wild plants. It’s an entire lifestyle. It’s appealing to my soul.”

You go girl. Rubbing mercury on your face is no bueno. Put a stick in cancer’s spokes and let the sweet sweet dirty brown chicken eggs enter your basket.
Woodley Flaunt b&w
Nothing sexual going on here at all. I would say it’s one hippie to another but I eat way too much candy and light milk anti-antioxidant chocolate to identify as anything but a gluttonous technology-addicted slob.

Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks the Sun is Good For Her

Gwyneth Paltrow in the sunGood news, haters. Gwyneth Paltrow said this really atrocious thing to Cosmo UK about how the sun can’t hurt her.

I don’t know if it’s because she’s Blythe Danner’s daughter or because I have a weird uncalled-for obsession with the movie Duets, but I just keep expecting so much more from Gwyneth.

“We’re human beings and the sun is the sun – how can it be bad for you?” she said. “I don’t think anything that is natural can be bad for you.”

While I think she was probably just talking about Vitamin D, which has been proven to decrease the chances of heart disease, the wording makes me want to throw Apple and Chris Martin on a kebab.

Even if there weren’t massive holes in the ozone layer because people in the ’20s and ’30s made refrigerators and hairspray out of Krypton’s core, it still wouldn’t be good to sit in the scalding hot sun for the duration of a Madonna concert.  Continue reading “Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks the Sun is Good For Her”

Ke$ha’s Ballsy Dirt-Free Glamour Shoot

The fact that a Glamour employee called their Ke$ha piece “There’s a real girl underneath all that glitter” thrills me beyond belief. What did they expect to find after they grazed her through the facial wipe car wash? Dust?

What they did discover under the glitter and scarfs was a nice set of teeth and a few freckles that they originally confused for dirt.

On top of these shocking facially-stripped pictures she talked to the magazine about her nude house parties, plans to resurrect rock music, oh and balls. Continue reading “Ke$ha’s Ballsy Dirt-Free Glamour Shoot”