Funny Video: NBA Players Read Mean Tweets

The maturity of internet trolls combined with the confused faces of professional basketball players makes the second NBA edition of Mean Tweets comic gold. PRESS PLAY!

And I know my gossipy lowlife ass wasn’t the only one waiting with bated breath for the Kim Kardashian diss during the Kris Humphries portion.
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Donald Sterling Fined Millions, Banned From All Things NBA for Life Over Racist Remarks

Donald Sterling fatI’m sure Donald Sterling regrets not sitting up in his executive suite waving his liver-spotted fingers and wishing whips were allowed through security at Staples Center every time a Clipper player missed a free throw.

After all, no one’s ever gotten a $2.5 million dollar fine or lifetime ban from the NBA for racist thoughts, but that is the exact punishment doled out to him by Commissioner Adam Silver for voicing his backwards opinions on minorities.

I’m not exactly defending the old fart, because someone like him really should not have any say in what goes on with a group of African-American men, but his thoughts aren’t even remotely unusual for a white man born in 1933. Black men being able to vote, let alone date white women without getting flogged and thrown in a tree, is a revelation to him.

Continue reading “Donald Sterling Fined Millions, Banned From All Things NBA for Life Over Racist Remarks”

Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce

We all predicted a Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom divorce as soon as we all heard they got married after only dating for one month, but we were wrong. The marriage lasted a good four years and didn’t end because they merely got sick of each other like so many other boring celebrity romances.

This one is officially ending after Lamar fell back into the arms of his old love, crack cocaine. Not to mention him driving down the wrong side of the road drunk and recording shirtless rap songs about cheating on Khloe. And of course, these are all things that were made painfully public, giving Khloe a handful of legitimate reasons to GTFO.

His eyes have been more glazed than Krispy Kreme since the loss of his NBA career (specifically with the Lakers) and I’m sure his dark past (drug-addicted father, mother died when he was 12) didn’t help.

Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce”

Local LA Crazy Man Will Likely Be Waived From NBA Team

Metta World Peace short shortsThe Los Angeles Lakers are considering taking a crucial step in becoming a little less douchey by electing to use their amnesty provision on forward Metta World Peace, the athlete formerly known as Ron Artest. If they go through with it, MWP will be picked up by another team and will continue his career elsewhere.

I’m okay with this situation for two reasons. One, I hate the Lakers, and a decent portion of their fans are pretty butthurt right now about their precious Metta’s (probable) departure.

And two, I hate the guy. Plain and simple.

I’m not going to talk much about his performance as an athlete, because there’s no question that he’s talented. And while his game has declined a bit over the last few seasons, he’ll have no problem getting picked up by another team.  Continue reading “Local LA Crazy Man Will Likely Be Waived From NBA Team”

Ex-NBA Baller Scottie Pippen Kicked a Guy’s Ass

Scottie Pippen doesn't smileRetired Jordan-era Chicago Bull Scottie Pippen was thought to have been arrested on Sunday for assaulting an autograph-seeking fan in a Malibu restaurant, but he wasn’t handcuffed or charged for breaking the man’s teeth and injuring nearly every part of his body including his back, which isn’t even news. (Slow day.)

I haven’t heard anything about Pippen, who won six NBA titles with the Bulls, in forever.

If you look at the “personal” section of his Wikipedia page, there’s nothing but a yard sale from 2011 and something about his wife being on Real Housewives of Miami.

Not that he needs to assault people to become interesting. Living in a sinkhole just crouching over his rings like Gollum until Kobe falls in there and pulls a Bilbo Baggins on his ass seems like a viable option.

TMZ reports that Pippen came out of the sinkhole to have dinner with his family when an overly aggressive fan called him the n-word, spit on his daughter and shoved him.  Continue reading “Ex-NBA Baller Scottie Pippen Kicked a Guy’s Ass”

The NBA Has Its First Openly Gay, Non-Retired Basketball Player

Jason Collins Sports IllustratedMost people accepted Jason Collins, the first openly gay American male currently participating in professional sports in America, with open arms today after his  announcement through Sports Illustrated.

I wouldn’t label myself an activist,” he wrote. “I just see myself as someone who wants to live his life genuinely.”

Collins, now 34, played for Stanford alongside his identical twin brother Jarron until 2001, when he was drafted by the Nets. He has also played for the Wizards, Hawks, Celtics and Grizzlies.

Supporters already include Kobe Bryant, Metta World Peace, Steve Nash, Spike Lee, and current Boston coach Doc Rivers.

Others called his career “unremarkable,” didn’t care, or, in the case of ESPN’s Chris Broussard, said he and every other gay person is “walking in open rebellion to God” and “living in unrepentant sin.”  Continue reading “The NBA Has Its First Openly Gay, Non-Retired Basketball Player”

Kobe Bryant ‘Traumatized’ by Dog Poop as a Child

Kobe Bryant dog poopIn January, Kobe Bryant told ESPN that his biggest pet peeve has and always will be dog poop, ever since his father, former Philadelphia 76ers father Joe “Jellybean” Bryant, moved Kobe and his mother to Europe so he could play for the Italian A1 League.

In that same interview, Bryant said he hadn’t been intimated by anything since he was beat up in karate class at age six. But that’s a lie…

Kobe, owner of four dogs, is still absolutely terrified of and intimidated by canine fecal matter.

During Jim Rome‘s Ten Questions segment on Showtime, Bryant re-told the story that makes him sound like the biggest priss in the NBA.  Continue reading “Kobe Bryant ‘Traumatized’ by Dog Poop as a Child”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [10-5-12]

Justin Bieber throws an on-court temper tantrum in NBA 2K13. (Kotaku)

Original Melrose Place star faces 30 years for aggravated manslaughter. (ONTD!)

Nicki Minaj thinks she’s the best judge since Simon. (Evil Beet)

Two weeks of the NHL cancelled because of the lockout. (Deadspin)

KitchenAid apologizes for insensitive asshole Tweet about Obama. (Los Angeles Times)

Sex tape birds of a feather flock together, see Hulk and Kim flex. (Radar)

Chris Brown is “not trying to be a player,” loves two people at once. (E! Online)

Somebody stole Julianne Moore‘s Cartier jewelry, here are some suspects. (Gawker)

Anderson Cooper digs his long white claws into Star Jones‘ lap-band. (ohmyGAHH!)

Steve Nash To The Lakers For The Win

38-year-old all-star point guard Steve Nash has officially been traded to the Los Angeles Lakers from the Phoenix Suns for four draft picks in various years (2013-2015), two in the first round and two in the second.

Sources told ESPN that he is to stay in L.A. for three years in exchange for $25 million dollars. Just last week Nash said in a New York radio interview that “it would be hard to put on a Lakers jersey.”

Looks like you’re just going to have to suck it up and deal with playing for the second most successful franchise in NBA history. I love all Canadians, but I’m pro-failure for the Lakers and Kobe Bryant in particular.

Basketball Humor, Featuring Justina Bieber

Take a second to examine the picture and the text. You get it? Good. Now laugh or I forbid you to visit my page in the future and condemn you to a life of dung-shoveling solitude.

Just shows that one out of two girls will get into the game. P.S. I did think of this, I saw it on Facebook the other day but fixed the writing since it said “finals” instead of “playoffs.”  Continue reading “Basketball Humor, Featuring Justina Bieber”

Metta World’s Unpeaceful Elbow To The Head

Metta World Peace (formerly Ron Artest) was suspended for 7 games after his brutal hit to Oklahoma Thunder’s James Harden. In a statement to reporters after the game last on Sunday, April 22 where he apologized profusely.

“I got real emotional and excited, and it was unfortunate that James had to get hit with the unintentional elbow. I hope he’s okay. Oklahoma, they’re playing for a championship this year. I apologize to the Thunder and James Harden. It was just unfortunate.”

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Bryant Gumbel Compares NBA Commissioner To Slave Driver

Respected sports journalist Bryant Gumbel has caught himself in a bit of a scandal. Tuesday on his show, HBO’s brilliant docu-series, Real Sports,he compared national basketball association commissioner David Stern to a plantation owner/operator.

The quote was that Stern “always seemed eager to be viewed as some kind of modern plantation overseer treating NBA men as if they were his boys.” This was in reference to the NBA lockout…

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