Toni Braxton’s Dress Fell Off, In The Back, And Stuff

Toni Braxton assIn ass news unrelated to big-assed Kim Kardashian calling Katie Couric a two-faced assclown assface, Toni Braxton had a gravity-defying moment of booty-showing bareness at a concert.

Remember her? People used to compare her to Whitney Houston even though she only had a few songs. Good ones, mind you, but it’s like everyone saying Lady Gaga is Madonna after one album or that Leona Lewis is Mariah Carey just because of “Bleeding Love.”

Toni B. sang “Unbreak My Heart,” “He Wasn’t Man Enough,” and “You’re Making Me High,” hits that allow her to continue to tour to this day. At one show this week in the not-so-fine state of New Jersey, Braxton’s completely fine backside backslid out of her dress for the world to see, causing an uproar in the audience and a good-natured smile and giggle from her.  Continue reading “Toni Braxton’s Dress Fell Off, In The Back, And Stuff”

Schwarzenegger’s Forgotten Unit Unearthed in New Jersey

Arnold flashingThe past week has not been easy for symbols of American machismo.

First Burt Reynolds and his mustache were placed in the ICU after coming down with decimating winter flu. Ron Jeremy, also in intensive care, had an aneurysm, and a vintage photo of Austrian muscle man turned Cali Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger engaged in a lewd act was reportedly discovered in a storage locker belonging to late Penthouse founder Bob Guccione.

I picture a team of khaki-laden archaeologists dusting the corners of this locker, imagining it was a highly precious mystery holding secrets of mankind, or at least deleted scenes from Jurassic Park.  Continue reading “Schwarzenegger’s Forgotten Unit Unearthed in New Jersey”

Newark Mayor Cory Booker Stopped Hating Gays in 1992 (Naturally, Everyone Now Thinks He’s Gay)

Cory Booker gayAn opinion piece from the Stanford Daily’s archives reveals that Newark, New Jersey mayor and potential senator Cory Booker’s gay college counselor cured his homophobia.

In 1992, Booker wrote that he was “disgusted by gays” until a Stanford therapist shared his life story and the stories of the physical attacks and verbal condemnations of others like him.

It was chilling to find that so much of the testimony he shared with me was almost identical to stories my grandparents told me about growing up Black.

And here’s the part that made everyone wonder if Cory Booker is gay himself…  Continue reading “Newark Mayor Cory Booker Stopped Hating Gays in 1992 (Naturally, Everyone Now Thinks He’s Gay)”

911 Good Samaritan Override Would Have Resulted in Serious Charges for Stephanie Bongiovi, or Worse

Jon Bon Jovi’s teenage daughter Stephanie overdosed on heroin last Wednesday in her dorm room and was not charged because of a brilliant thing called the 911 Good Samaritan law in New Jersey that prevents overdose victims and those who seek medical attention for the victims from being prosecuted.

The preventative measure is active in several other states including Washington, New Mexico, Wisconsin, Connecticut, and New York. Sadly, Chris Christie is looking to overturn the 911 Good Samaritan Emergency Response Act in NJ because he feels that it of a fear that it could inadvertently give drug dealers immunity.

Governor Christie’s state is one of many where overdoses are the leading cause of accidental deaths.

Continue reading “911 Good Samaritan Override Would Have Resulted in Serious Charges for Stephanie Bongiovi, or Worse”

NJ Woman Tries To Give Her Offspring A Tan

The classiest people are always from Nutley, New Jersey. Case in point, a mother from there was charged for endangerment after putting her gingery daughter into a tanning booth, which resulted in a mild burn.

The accused is Patricia Krentcil, a 44 year-old raisin that was dropped in an exceptionally dirty all-night bonfire. She says she’s been visiting cancer-coal salons her life and that while she loves tanning, she never put her 6 year-old child in the booth.

Krentcil says the burn is from playing in the yard. Mhmmmm. Listen, I’m going to tell a short story… At my old apartment building there was this woman who visited the pool everyday. We called her “tan lady.”  Continue reading “NJ Woman Tries To Give Her Offspring A Tan”

Kevin Smith’s AMC Reality Show ‘Secret Stash’

Remember when all AMC was good for was Halloween movies once a year and then 364 days of Clint Eastwood westerns?

Well, things have changed. The network AMC now proudly boasts the three most critically acclaimed shows on cable television – Breaking Bad, Mad Men and The Walking Dead.

They’re now adding a new show to their lineup, in a much different direction. A reality show produced by director/nerd/hockey fan/comedian Kevin Smith. (Mallrats, Clerks)

The show is called “Secret Stash,” and is going to offer a detailed look into Smith’s real-life comic book shop, Jay And Silent Bob’s Secret Stash in Red Bank, New Jersey.

Continue reading “Kevin Smith’s AMC Reality Show ‘Secret Stash’”

Jersey Shore Residents Are Stupid Even When There’s A Hurricane

As you know, Hurricane Irene is terrorizing the East Coast with its swirling winds and nonstop rainfall. It is a category one hurricane that first hit land in North Carolina, and is the first to make landfall in the United States since 2008.

At least seven people’s lives have already been claimed by Irene, and the hugely populated areas of the East Coast are now being hit, causing thousands of people to evacuate.

However, that has not stopped people from being idiots. I already saw a news story about a reporter today in Virginia who had an interruption due to a streaker who flashed not only his rear but his front-facing airbags as well…

Continue reading “Jersey Shore Residents Are Stupid Even When There’s A Hurricane”

No More Stand-Up For Chelsea Handler

Tuesday, August 9th on E!’s Chelsea Lately, funnylady host Chelsea Handler casually mentioned that she would not be touring for a long time after her next two tour dates in New Jersey and Atlantic City.

After saying that they were her last two dates “ever,” round-table member Jo Koy asked if she was serious, and she responded by saying that if she didn’t run out of money, she was done with stand-up and touring for a long time. She cited wanting to pursue other things (probably acting and/or producing) as the reason behind it. I’m guessing she’s also worn out from both touring AND hosting a show that usually airs four times a week.

But I’m also positive she will eventually do stand-up again. Don’t fret.

Better go see her at PNC Bank Center in Holmdel, NJ and at Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, otherwise, no more Chelsea bang bang horizontal vodka pikachu on the road for a long time.