Gaga’s ARTPOP Gets Release Date & New Single!

Lady Gaga artpop mask Lady Gaga has popped out of a recording studio crevice to announce the release date of her third full-length album, ARTPOP. It is due on November 11, 2013, according to her Facebook. Seems like a long time but at least the Little Monsters will have a BRAND NEW single on August 19, 2013 to satiate their fanatical needs.

There’s also this Inez van Lamsweerde-shot photo of Gaga naked in a clear welding mask displaying her ARTPOP tat and unruly hair.

Lady G has been working with DJ White Shadow, RedOne and others since 2012 on a boatload of songs that will probably sound like Cher fell into a blender with My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake.

Scratch that and replace with Jem and the Holograms. Every time she describes the ARTPOP experience I think of Synergy introducing herself as a “holographic computer designed to be the ultimate audio-visual-entertainment synthesizer.”

Take a Look at Kim and Kanye’s New 14,000-Square-Foot Love Nest

Kim and Kanye new houseMost expecting couples buy a crib or turn their office into a baby-friendly room with yellow paint and a rubber ducky mobile. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian buy a 14,000-square-foot mansion.

A few weeks ago, the proud parents of an embryo acquired a puny 10,000-square-foot airplane hangar home in Bel Air, which they are expanding because they need room for Kanye’s ego, Kim’s ass and the visiting asses of Khloe and Kourtney.

Their new abode is Italian-themed (because their gondola-riding, spaghetti-loving baby was conceived in Rome) and includes a theater, bowling alley, hair and makeup salon, nursery, basketball court (for Lamar to graze on after the Clippers put him out to pasture), and two pools. Indoor and outdoor.

 

The Three Newest Additions To ‘Saturday Night Live,’ Tim Robinson, Aidy Bryant & Cecily Strong

Three new cast members are joining Kate Mckinnon (introduced April 7th, hilariously portrayed Helga Handler) on Saturday Night Live‘s season 38 premiering September 15th.

Chicago comedians Aidy Bryant and Tim Robinson (pictured left) and Cecily Strong (below) have big shoes to fill.

With Kristen Wiig, Andy Samberg and Abby Elliott (Paul Brittain too, but who cares) absent, there’s always the possibility of remaining funny people like Vanessa Bayer, Bobby Moynihan, and Nasim Pedrad getting more screen time.  Continue reading “The Three Newest Additions To ‘Saturday Night Live,’ Tim Robinson, Aidy Bryant & Cecily Strong”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-9-12]

The new Kindle Fires are here, still cheaper than Apple stuff. (TechCrunch)

Al Pacino to play Joe Paterno in new movie? (The Blaze)

Matching tattoo bros Johnny Depp and Damien Echols. (Huffington Post)

Robert Griffin III is already having a great football year. (Yahoo!)

Michael’s daughter Paris Jackson “wants to be her own person.” (The Frisky)

Bachelorette is “three despicable characters at the center of a movie.” (Sun Times)

Victim of Amanda Bynes‘ crazy driving speaks out. (TMZ)

10 celebrities who enjoy public bathroom glory holes or Tegan & Sara. (ohmyGAHH!)

Country bumpkin LeAnn Rimes will donate money from bullying lawsuit to charity. (Celebuzz)

Kristen Stewart says promoting Breaking Dawn with R-Patz will be “fine.” (Us Weekly)

 

Disney Gave Ursula An Eating Disorder

In a new collection of figurines and beauty products Disney has made Ursula look older and skinnier than she was in the 1989 classic The Little Mermaid. In fact, she looks very much like Yzma, the witch from The Emperor’s New Groove.

The keeper of souls and stealer of voices isn’t the only one to undergo a shocking transformation. They’ve made the Queen Of Hearts look like Snow White’s innocent older sister.  Continue reading “Disney Gave Ursula An Eating Disorder”

The Pros And Cons Of Apple’s Retina Display Macbook Pro

The latest Apple technology has never been something you could expect to grab at a bargain price and the new retina display Macbook Pro, at $2,199 and up, is no exception.

It does LOOK better than anything on the market, with reduced glare and 2880 x 1800 resolution. That’s four times that of a standard display and more than twice as sharp as a high definition television.

Continue reading “The Pros And Cons Of Apple’s Retina Display Macbook Pro”

Australian Billionaire To Build Titanic II

Famous investor and owner of Mineralogy, Clive Palmer of Queensland, is planning on building a more modern version of the Titanic, called Titanic II. Oddly not a reference that straight-to-DVD sequel from 2010.

I have a sinking feeling about this one. And now so do you, concerning my Laffy Taffy jokes.

Besides it having “state-of-the-art 21st century technology and the latest navigation and safety systems” which Palmer mentioned in a statement, it will be constructed in China and not Ireland, like it’s cursed ancestor. It will, however, have the same dimensions and a course from England to New York sometime in 2016.

Continue reading “Australian Billionaire To Build Titanic II”

Colorful New Crab Discovered In The Philippines

A new kind of freshwater crab has been discovered on the Philippine island of Palawan. The purple crustacean, called Insulamon Palawanense, is one of four new 1-2 inch wide species in this genus.

German study author Hendrik Freitag says the brilliant color on this inch wide creatures may not serve a purpose more complex than recognition for others of its kind.  Continue reading “Colorful New Crab Discovered In The Philippines”

Maria Sharapova No Longer Looks Like Ivanka Trump *Update*

Update: Turns out, it was a wig. A few hours ago Sharapova wrote – “Wow, when I posted those photos with the short hair I had no idea everyone would all go bananza….

“(my dear friends, I never actually said I cut my hair!) so for the sake of my email inbox and it’s stressful 24 hours, I would like to show you the below pictures…

“My hair is still long…and blonde…and well it’s pretty much the same! We did a shoot a few days ago and I sported all types of hair styles…long and yes short (a wig!!!).”

“So what do you guys think?? I kind of love it!” was the message written by Maria Sharapova on her Facebook page Monday evening.

Continue reading “Maria Sharapova No Longer Looks Like Ivanka Trump *Update*”

Burger King Menu Looks McFamiliar

Yesterday was a big day for fast-food-chain-of-the-past Burger King. No less than twelve menu items were added, which is the greatest amount since its opening in 1954.

Several new types of salads (like Chicken Apple and Chicken BLT) plus frappes, smoothies, seven-lettuce snack wraps (WTF) and breakfast burritos are among the choices.  Continue reading “Burger King Menu Looks McFamiliar”

Punk’d Is Back, Minus The Excitement

In other semi Ashton Kutcher-related news Punk’d is back after a five year absence and it’s boring as hell. I don’t know why they use the expression, “boring as hell,” the harps and clouds description of heaven seems a little tamer and possibly snoozeworthy.

Back on topic, Kutcher is still attached as a producer but its co-creator Jason Goldberg was actually in Thursday’s episode. Justin Bieber was the guest pranker, pulling the wool over Taylor Swift, Miley Cryus, Rob Dyrdek and Sean Kingston’s eyes.

The most memorable but still uninteresting trick was when Taylor Swift was made to think she’d lit a boat on fire. The Bieb’s got his evil wish to see her I-just-won-a-Grammy face and make her cry.

Continue reading “Punk’d Is Back, Minus The Excitement”

MTV Buckles Down For Sober Situation And Mother Snookeresa

Jersey Shore fans, get ready for some news to quake your kooka. All you spray-tan loving, stupidity voyeurism-addiction-having motherfuckers better prepare for some new cast members as the show ‘transitions into a new generation.’

According to TMZ, MTV network executives are searching for fresh talent to incorporate into seasons six and seven. The production company behind the runaway exploitative hit, 495, look to limit The Situation and Snooki’s roles in light of their recent life changes.

Mike Sorrentino will likely be sober or at least keeping a TV facade of sobriety while Snooki prepares to breastfeed pour White Russians directly into her baby’s mouth. (Speculation)

New Garbage Album Tracklist And Cover Art

The official cover art and tracklisting for Garbage‘s first CD since 2005 has been revealed for my fanatic eyes to feast upon.

Not Your Kind Of People will be released on May 15th in standard edition, with eleven tracks.

The deluxe edition has simple red cover art with the band’s signature “G” instead of white, plus four bonus songs.

The lead single is “Blood For Poppies.”

Shirley, Butch and the gang are currently filming a video for it.
Continue reading “New Garbage Album Tracklist And Cover Art”

Sinead O’Connor’s Ed Jesus Hardy Beast Tattoo

Sinead O’Connor is having a midlife schizo crisis, first she blogged about her desperate need for anal prodding, then she drastically changed her look. Which she is still doing, now with a brand new tattoo, which she showed off on Thursday at the amfAR Inspiration Gala in L.A.

She must have gone to the Snooki shop of Ed Hardy branding horrors. Sinead’s new tattoo is just another shiny colorful heap of Jesus-y boredom. And why does he look like The Beast, of Beauty And The Beast? Oy motherfucking vey.

She must have missed the memo on spaghetti monster body art being in this winter. I read about it in Vogue, and um, Sunset magazine.

Heinz Vinegar Ketchup Is Newest Flavor In A Decade

The last attempt at a new look or taste for Heinz Ketchup was “hot and spicy,” back in 2002. Before that there was the abysmal purple and green colored marketing campaign, aimed at children, in 2000.

So what is the newest revamp of one of the most recognizable and American brands of all time? Balsamic vinegar-flavored tomato paste, deliciously heavy with the usual high fructose corn syrup and salt but now with more vinegar!

Continue reading “Heinz Vinegar Ketchup Is Newest Flavor In A Decade”

A New Garbage Album Is Expected In March, 2012!

New music from Garbage is finally becoming a realization, nearly seven years after 2005’s Bleed Like Me, not to mention rumors of a full on break-up then a Shirley Manson solo contribution and more whispers of new material as far back as 2007.

Butch Vig and Scottish frontwoman Shirley Manson, who took a break to pursue acting (she played a bot on Sarah Connor Chronicles) plus bassist Duke Erikson and guitarist Steve Marker are bringing us their fifth album, which Rolling Stone just revealed is due in March or April of 2012. (We may see a single in December or January)

Continue reading “A New Garbage Album Is Expected In March, 2012!”

The DeLorean Will Make A Comeback In 2013!

DMC (DeLorean Motor Company) is officially back! On Friday they debuted a model of the cult classic 80’s automobile to spectators at DMC’s Open House Event in Humble, Texas.

The best thing about the new Delorean – which will be available for the steep price of $100,00 – is that it will not be reliant on fossil fuel. DMC worked on the truly futuristic car for four years. It is 100% electric and boasts top speeds of 125 miles per hour…

Continue reading “The DeLorean Will Make A Comeback In 2013!”