Dog Takes Bikini-Clad Mariah Carey Out For a Walk

Mariah Carey bikini snowMariah Carey is in Aspen for Christmas and is fulfilling the ancient Anglo-Saxon tradition of walking one’s dog in just a bikini during snowy, 20-degree weather.

No seriously, this is a tradition. Instagram says so. America’s Got Talent is over, but I guess Nick Cannon found some other excuse to not pose next to her in a thin red banana hammock. We all know Mariah’s second-favorite thing after Christmas is shaming her husband.

She went so far as to call herself the female version of Will Ferrell’s character in Elf on Watch What Happens Live!

“I’m him, but the girl version of the character!” the “All I Want for Christmas Is You” singer said. “I’m like a five-year-old, I’m the kid still waiting for snow.”  Continue reading “Dog Takes Bikini-Clad Mariah Carey Out For a Walk”

Mariah Carey Shares Popular Opinion That Nick Cannon’s Music is a Joke

Nick Cannon laughingMariah Carey‘s first born Nick Cannon told reporters at a VMA after-party that his wifey for lifey doesn’t take his music seriously.

She thinks my music is a big joke,” he said, laughing (because people laugh when things are true). “But so do I so it doesn’t matter … My music is silly, you know what I mean, she makes anthems that changes people’s lives.”

While I’d have to argue that “Touch My Body” didn’t exactly cause me to have eye-opening peyote tent visions, it does make his song “Gigolo” from 2003 with R. Kelly look like an even bigger reason to flush and light a match.

Me remembering and even singing the line “I’m a gigolo, spending lots of dough” around my apartment makes me wonder if I qualify for electroshock therapy. Continue reading “Mariah Carey Shares Popular Opinion That Nick Cannon’s Music is a Joke”

Nick Cannon is Mariah Carey’s Easter Bitch

Mariah Carey Nick Cannon Easter

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey‘s most embarrassing moment by far came to us on Easter Sunday via Mariah’s Instagram and I keep wondering if she tricked him into it, or if he volunteered.

I can see her saying “Honey, let me lay on top of you with a glass of champagne” without mentioning that she’d be wearing sexy bunny ears while he went full White Rabbit in a children’s production of Alice in Wonderland.

Nick is Mariah’s bitch all year round, but we only see proof on holidays. (He’ll be wearing a diaper and holding a silver rattle by Mother’s Day.)

Mariah Carey Doesn’t Change Her Kids’ Diapers

SHOCKER – Mariah Carey has probably never changed either of her children’s diapers, but it’s don’t get it wrong, it’s not like it never gets done.

House slave Nick Cannon tells Anderson Cooper that he’s cool with it and just snaps on some industrial strength hand covers and goes to town.

I imagine Mariah being too much of a diva to do more than set her twins in front of a garden hose for a few minutes, so this is probably a good thing, plus, I’ve learned from those Charmin’ commercials that bears are especially prone to IBS.

“I mean we all do it but for some reason I get that duty a little bit more. I am not scared of it. I go in, I put the gloves on,” Cannon explained.  Continue reading “Mariah Carey Doesn’t Change Her Kids’ Diapers”

Nick Cannon Whacks It To Mariah Songs, Wants Scientist Children

Mariah Carey‘s husband, D-list actor/musician Nick Cannon has been put his hoof in his mouth for the millionth time.

This week, he talked to People Magazine about a potential career for his children, and spoke to the radio show Mojo In The Morning about his “special moments” with his wife’s music.

Mojo: When you guys get intimate with each other…Have you ever listened to one of her songs or one of your songs?…

Continue reading “Nick Cannon Whacks It To Mariah Songs, Wants Scientist Children”