Nicolas Cage’s Dirty Photos Stolen by Handyman (LOL)

Nicolas Cage recedingNational Treasure jokes were queued and loaded today as news hit the internet that best/worst actor of all time Nicolas Cage’s naked pics were stolen from his house.

Cage insists that explicit photos of him and the mother of his guyliner-wearing son, Weston Cage, “do not exist and never have,” confirming my fears that the story may be too good to be true.

He dated the woman in question in the ’80s, so it makes sense that there would be gnarly polaroids of Cage’s bulging whatever invading her personal space, and not a video because DIY nudes are so yesterday. (Just ask Terry Richardson.) From TMZ:

According to law enforcement, the intimate pics were stolen by a former handyman, who broke into Christina Fulton‘s house in April and jacked four computers and a box of wild photos.

The handyman, Ricardo Orozco, was arrested last month and charged with felony burglary. He’s pled not guilty and is currently being held on $1 MILLION bail.

If they existed they’d be on my screen right now, trust me. I’ve been waiting for this moment since Captain Corelli’s Mandolin.

GIF: Nicolas Cage Wrecks Balls Better Than Miley

Nicolas Cage as miley wrecking ball
Nearly everyone’s commented on the Wrecking Ball video featuring Miley Cyrus naked in what looks like a construction site from an unfinished shareware game, everyone, that is, except Nicolas Cage.

The man’s been a witch and treasure hunter, a ghost, a detective, and now he’s Miley in this amazing GIF submitted to Imgur yesterday by user EarlSweatshirt.  Continue reading “GIF: Nicolas Cage Wrecks Balls Better Than Miley”

Trailer: Frozen Ground

John Cusack plays a serial killer (based on real life-murderer Robert Hansen) who terrorizes young women in Alaska in the new movie Frozen Ground.

Number-one-best-actor-who-stars-in-the-worst-movies Nicolas Cage portrays the detective hot on Cusack’s murderous number-two-best-worst-actor trail.  Continue reading “Trailer: Frozen Ground”

Nicolas Cage Wants To Play A Ghost In ‘The Wicker Man 2’

Nicolas Cage, who has been spoofed famously on SNL for his lack of the ability to say no to money/degrading movie roles expressed interest in a Wicker Man sequel.

If you can extend your memory back to 2006, past Cage’s other flops, you’ll remember that the remake to Robin Hardy’s kitschy 1973 horror movie was nearly as hilarious but 20 times more pitiful than the original.

Since his character died he explained via a fan’s webchat question that he’d like to play a spirit. The questions was, “is there any character you’d like to revist?” To which he replied:

Continue reading “Nicolas Cage Wants To Play A Ghost In ‘The Wicker Man 2’”

Happy Ghost Ridin’ Birthday, Nicolas Cage!

It’s Nicolas Cage’s birthday today and I would like to celebrate him and perhaps all great actors who cannot seem to turn down a single script that lands on their desks. Samuel L. Jackson also falls into this category. Cage, who wowed audiences with a dramatic performance Moonstruck, and action hero roles in Face/Off and Con Air is a true national treasure.

What would I laugh at in the theaters if it weren’t for the Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance 3D trailer? And don’t forget Season of The Witch, one of my all- time favorite bad movies next to Van Helsing and From Dusk Till Dawn 3.

Continue reading “Happy Ghost Ridin’ Birthday, Nicolas Cage!”

Nicolas Cage, Almost Penetrated By A Fudgesicle

During a press tour to promote the film Trespass (co-starring Nicole Kidman) Nicolas Cage told the frightening but hilarious tale of a personal home invasion,

“I was living in Orange County in Los Angeles at the time, I was asleep with my wife, my two-year-old at the time was in another room. And I opened my eyes and there was a naked man in my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed.”

Cage went on to say that he didn’t press charges because the man “wasn’t all there.” (Hmmm, clothes AND brain gone?) And how things could have been much worse for the man,

Continue reading “Nicolas Cage, Almost Penetrated By A Fudgesicle”