Khloe Kardashian: “Leave My Sister’s Nipples Alone!”

Kendall jenner safe for workIf you haven’t already heard, Kendall Jenner’s nipples caused a huge scene at a Marc Jacobs fashion show in New York because 1. She’s KARDASHIAN famous. 2. She just turned 18, and people are freaks. 3. Men and women alike still go apeshit over the human body because we’re all surrounded by jiggling asses and duct tape nipples and are still made to feel ashamed of our boners.

Big sister’s Khloe and Kim tweeted in defense of Kendall’s mammary glands, not only to the haterade-drinking KKK haters, but to Instagram for removing photos they’d posted of said glands walking the runway.  Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian: “Leave My Sister’s Nipples Alone!””

Beyonce Kickstarts World Tour With Glittery Nipples

Beyonce nipple outfitBeyonce distracted from plans to not perform any new material at the first stop on her Mrs. Carter World Show Tour in Serbia by wearing a sparkly gold bodysuit with nipples three times the size of George Clooney’s in Batman & Robin.

This look (sandcastle mermaid created by 14-year-old boys?), reminds me of something I saw last week on Craigslist. Call me a perv, but I live to find posts where very specific fetishes are solicited, and last week I hit the jackpot. (The best part is posting links to these terrors in Facebook inboxes.)

The one that caught my eye was “Women with HUGE AREOLAS wanted,” by a man willing to pay $300 for sex with a lady with iHop-sized nipple casings. Included were not one, but two photos!  Continue reading “Beyonce Kickstarts World Tour With Glittery Nipples”

CBS Wants to Ruin Any Remaining Shred of Fun at The Grammys

Crazy grammy dresses 2Good thing Lil’ Kim and Trey Parker have no reason to be at The Grammys this year. An email sent by CBS Standards and Practices to attending celebrities lists all the things they’re not allowed to wear.

No-nos includes “thong type costumes,” “sheer see-through clothing” and “brand name products on T-shirts.” One-piece tuxedos and turtlenecks are okay.

Problematic (and favorite) language in the memo, which was reportedly leaked by a low-level staffer, would have to be the redundant references to “female breast nipples” and “buttock crack.”

Continue reading “CBS Wants to Ruin Any Remaining Shred of Fun at The Grammys”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-13-13]

Harry Styles Four Nipples Kiss youHarry Styles doesn’t have one nipple, two nipples, or three nipples. He has four. (E! Online)

A millisecond of “What Makes You Beautiful,” by Emma Stone. (Just Jared)

Jackie Chan says America is the worst, most corrupt country (and China is the best). (ONTD!)

Marriage in the books for Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis. (Evil Beet)

Lady Gaga the only person who takes adolescents “seriously?” (Huffington Post)

Victoria’s Secret model Barbara Palvin never did anything sexy with Justin Bieber. (Celebuzz)

Jason Trawick not allowed to talk about Britney Spears‘ crazy behavior, by contract. (TMZ)

Don’t Look At This If Nipples Offend You

There are over four thousand species of mammals in the world and they all have one thing in common: nipples.

Lady Gaga is no exception, and she wants to make it known with this Christian Grey-approved ensemble that she wore out in Beverly Hills to dinner on Tuesday night.

You know you’re talking about a really unashamed person when you can’t remember how many times you’ve seen their areolas.

If this is your first time and you don’t believe that she’s shown them off before, here you go. Japanese Vogue, motherfucker.

Can you imagine being friends with her? Like, trying to tell her to tone it down…  Continue reading “Don’t Look At This If Nipples Offend You”