LAPD Apologizes for Talking About Notorious B.I.G’s Scrotum

Notorious BIG faceThe Los Angeles Police Department has apologized for an “administrative error” that allowed Notorious B.I.G.’s gruesome autopsy report to be released without the consent of his family.

In the report, the coroner called 24-year-old Christopher Wallace (aka Biggie Smalls) “morbidly obese” and wrote that he “may” be a rap singer in the Other Pertinent Information section.

The most traumatic thing his mother learned relates to the third bullet, which went through his balls.

“The projectile strikes the left side of the scrotum, causing a very shallow, 3/8 inch linear laceration.”

Continue reading “LAPD Apologizes for Talking About Notorious B.I.G’s Scrotum”

Kardashians Cover Biggie’s ‘Hypnotize’

One of the most shocking moments in my young life came in the form of a harmless walk in the woods behind my house. I had taken to lifting rocks in the hopes of examining interesting bugs, usually ants or the occasional red centipede.

On this comfortably cool summer day on the Oregon Coast I lifted a particularly large rock and discovered a nest of baby snakes. They startled me mostly because there were so many and they moved so quick and pointlessly.

When I see the Kardashian-Jenner family I am reminded of that day. This is a group of creatures that never stop working, but for what cause I do not know.  Continue reading “Kardashians Cover Biggie’s ‘Hypnotize’”