Boy Bander Calum Hood Pulls a Pete Wentz, Shows the World His No No Square

Calum HoodI was as baffled as any of you by the appearance of boy band 5 Seconds of Summer at the MTV Video Music Awards last Sunday, but now the unknown Australian singers of “She Looks So Perfect” have their very own Kim Kardashian/Paris Hilton errr Pete Wentz?

18-year-old bassist Calum Hood’s junk appeared on Vine today after he Snapchatted a video of it to some girl. Turns out MTV was sort of right, the next big thing isn’t crappy pop dudes with minimal talent  like 5SOS and Emblem3, it’s accidental-on-purpose nudity. Thanks, Farrah Abraham!

Check out his super casual response for confirmation…

Congrats, your 5 seconds of summer fame has been extended at least another 60 seconds. And he’s the least unfortunate looking of the four guys, which really isn’t saying much.

Soon “Calum Hood” will just be another word for penis on Urban Dictionary.  Continue reading “Boy Bander Calum Hood Pulls a Pete Wentz, Shows the World His No No Square”

Chelsea Gets Nude in the Shower with Ellen

Ellen chelsea showerChelsea Handler is making a big, well-publicized move from E! to Netflix for a reported $10 million.

For her final sendoff on E! Chelsea displayed ultimate raunch levels during a more hit-than-miss shower scene with Ellen DeGeneres where Ellen wonders why she’s never been asked to appear on the show and Chelsea pretends to not know Ellen’s sexual orientation while bouncing up and down naked in front of a million cameras like a porn star without the risk of infection.

Later, Jennifer Aniston, Sandra Bullock and 50 Cent appeared along with Miley, Selena Gomez and Gwen Stefani for an intervention and some live music, because what’s more likely to get ratings than awkward nudity and oodles of celebrities? Continue reading “Chelsea Gets Nude in the Shower with Ellen”

And the Best Nude Scene of the Year Goes to…

alexandra daddario true detective nude scene
The guy who founded Mr. Skin, all-knowing authority on naked ladies, says he already knows what the best nude scene of 2014 is, and the honor goes to True Detective and Alexandra Daddario

He says it was a close call between Margot Robbie (in The Wolf of Wall Street) and Daddario, who was previously known for more PG roles in the Percy Jackson series and Parenthood.  The Mr. Skin guy is very well-spoken, attributing her success to the fact that she “has these amazing breasts and all this other stuff.”

The crazy thing about True Detective, besides the jugs, is that people who have seen it and people who haven’t are in the same exact boat. I’ve watched it, and I’m 50% sure Matthew McConaughey plays two different people, but he can’t find himself because he’s always getting drunk in a police interrogation room. It’s HBO’s own United States of McConaughey.  Continue reading “And the Best Nude Scene of the Year Goes to…”

GQ Made Julia Louis-Dreyfus Bang a Clown

Julia Dreyfus clown sexFirst of all, I want to applaud Time magazine for trying to write a serious piece about Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ “lust-filled embrace” with a shirtless clown.

While they chose the title “Clown Sex and the Rise of Funny-Naked Women,” Gawker went with the much more straightforward and attention-grabbing “Julia Louis-Dreyfus F*cks a Clown For GQ.”

It’s not too hard to imagine Louis-Dreyfus agreeing to this, seeing as it was for the Comedy Issue, listing her as one of the “15 Funniest People Alive,” and this picture is definitely funny.

What’s almost better is the photo of the aftermath. #ClownBaby

Dreyfus is on a roll lately, also causing a bit of a controversy when she posed for an April cover of Rolling Stone with words from the US Constitution tattooed on her nude body.

Nicolas Cage’s Dirty Photos Stolen by Handyman (LOL)

Nicolas Cage recedingNational Treasure jokes were queued and loaded today as news hit the internet that best/worst actor of all time Nicolas Cage’s naked pics were stolen from his house.

Cage insists that explicit photos of him and the mother of his guyliner-wearing son, Weston Cage, “do not exist and never have,” confirming my fears that the story may be too good to be true.

He dated the woman in question in the ’80s, so it makes sense that there would be gnarly polaroids of Cage’s bulging whatever invading her personal space, and not a video because DIY nudes are so yesterday. (Just ask Terry Richardson.) From TMZ:

According to law enforcement, the intimate pics were stolen by a former handyman, who broke into Christina Fulton‘s house in April and jacked four computers and a box of wild photos.

The handyman, Ricardo Orozco, was arrested last month and charged with felony burglary. He’s pled not guilty and is currently being held on $1 MILLION bail.

If they existed they’d be on my screen right now, trust me. I’ve been waiting for this moment since Captain Corelli’s Mandolin.

Gays Stay Gay After Gaga Flashes Goodies

Lady gaga naked gay club 2013Gaga fans in London put their hands up and made ’em touch during a surprise performance at the Soho club G-A-Y.

If you were to ask 99.9% of that audience if they were more excited to hear her single “Venus” or see her naked body, well…. you know. It doesn’t help that she’s gone from borderline sexy in the videos for “Telephone” and “LoveGame” to Miracle Max’s swamp witch wife.

“Just saw LadyGaga do a surprise set at G-A-Y. She got her arse out & showed her vagina. All agrees it was impressive but we’re staying gay,” comedian Matt Lucas tweeted.

She got dat Thanksgiving turkey ass, and “Venus” is only slightly less underwhelming than THIS.

Continue reading “Gays Stay Gay After Gaga Flashes Goodies”

Vladimir Putin Enjoys Long Walks on the Beach and Nude Protests

Putin topless women GermanyOn Monday, Russian president Vladimir Putin gave a double thumbs-up to a topless protester in Germany who came bouncing towards him like Michelle Jenneke. The girl was in Hanover with the women’s rights group Femen, opposed to the treatment of the band Pussy Riot, who were jailed in 2012 for “premeditated hooliganism.”

Putin understandably missed the part where they  yelled “f*ck you” and called him a dictator, reportedly telling a translator afterwards that they were “pretty” and he “liked” how they approached him. Via NPR:

Putin told reporters he “couldn’t see if they were blond or brunettes. … I don’t see anything horrifying in what they did.” He also quipped that while it’s better to keep one’s clothes on during protests, “it’s not so cold out — so they can also do it this way.”  Continue reading “Vladimir Putin Enjoys Long Walks on the Beach and Nude Protests”

Schwarzenegger’s Forgotten Unit Unearthed in New Jersey

Arnold flashingThe past week has not been easy for symbols of American machismo.

First Burt Reynolds and his mustache were placed in the ICU after coming down with decimating winter flu. Ron Jeremy, also in intensive care, had an aneurysm, and a vintage photo of Austrian muscle man turned Cali Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger engaged in a lewd act was reportedly discovered in a storage locker belonging to late Penthouse founder Bob Guccione.

I picture a team of khaki-laden archaeologists dusting the corners of this locker, imagining it was a highly precious mystery holding secrets of mankind, or at least deleted scenes from Jurassic Park.  Continue reading “Schwarzenegger’s Forgotten Unit Unearthed in New Jersey”

Emilia Clarke’s Uncle Surprised By ‘Game of Thrones’ Nude Scenes

Emilia Clarke brunetteRelax. Isn’t one of those creepy uncle perv stories.

(Not EVERYONE has an inappropriate relative who stirs up a yearly family forum on whether dad’s gross uncle so-and-so deserves an invite to Christmas Eve dinner.)

London-born Emilia Clarke plays Daenerys Targaryen, also known as the Khaleesi and Queen of Dragons, on HBO’s better-than-all-current-onscreen-fantasy Game of Thrones.

On Monday Clarke visited Jimmy Kimmel Live to talk about the third season, which premieres March 31, 2013.

Continue reading “Emilia Clarke’s Uncle Surprised By ‘Game of Thrones’ Nude Scenes”

Hold the Phone and Don’t Call me Maybe… Justin Bieber’s DAD Has Nudes??

While Justin Bieber would say his week was great because he danced the night away and sold millions of records, others would call it colorful.

First, a crazy man dad filed a lawsuit claiming that Justin stole from him and spent his money on penis enlargements and a $426 dollar abortion for his STD-ridden daughter, Selena Gomez.

Then, on the same day, Radar Online reported that “full-frontal” nude photos of his father, Jeremy Bieber, in his “younger days” existed and were being shopped around.

“Jeremy was purposely posing in all the photos, and he’s completely naked showing full-frontal,” a source told the site. “They look like they were taken for a Playgirl-type magazine or something.”  Continue reading “Hold the Phone and Don’t Call me Maybe… Justin Bieber’s DAD Has Nudes??”

Another Fake Justin Bieber Nude Just Hit The Web

A scandalous penis photo thought momentarily to be of Justin Bieber because of his trademark but easily copied seagull tattoo hit the internet after Bieber’s laptop and camera were stolen at a show in Tacoma, WA.

Clearly there were a few factors involved in people getting tricked into thinking that it was real besides the obvious reason that certain individuals desperately want it to be.

The tattoo, the laptop thing and the fact that the dude in the picture is uncircumcised, which is internet gospel according to The Gallery of Intact Famous Men.  Continue reading “Another Fake Justin Bieber Nude Just Hit The Web”

Kristen Stewart’s Topless Scene From ‘On The Road’ (NSFW)

Nudity in movies can either be seen as desperate or artsy, sometimes both.

Many might call Kristen Stewart‘s topless handjob scene in Walter Salles’ adaptation of Kerouac’s On The Road desperate because it arrives after her cheating scandal, which was really just another excuse for people who already hated Kristen Stewart to hate her more.  Continue reading “Kristen Stewart’s Topless Scene From ‘On The Road’ (NSFW)”

Daniel Radcliffe Films ‘The F Word,’ Flashes Junk (Again)

Photos of Daniel Radcliffe filming the upcoming “romantic” film The F Word have surfaced and they might remind you of pesky Prince Harry’s naked Las Vegas antics, except Radcliffe isn’t so shy…

This straight-person version of The L Word co-stars Rafe Spall (Prometheus) and Zoe Kazan (Bored To Death, Fracture), who is also naked while shooting a skinny dipping scene with Harry Potter.

MNPP has a complete collection of non-Equus nudie pics. Did he get circumcised since then or what? I see less foreskin.

The Queen Is About To Bust A Cap Over Kate Middleton’s Nude Sunbathing Photos

Like all [Disney] princesses before her, real-life British royalty Kate Middleton is now involved in a scandal of epic proportions.

A French gossip rag called Closer has released exclusive photos yesterday of Kate letting it all hang out at Chateau d’Autet in Provence.

Maybe Middleton, wife of Prince William (brother of naked Vegas troublemaker Harry), should ask Selena Gomez, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus and Lindsay Lohan for help. American versions of princesses, fallen from grace, spat into a harsh, highly scrutinized reality.  Continue reading “The Queen Is About To Bust A Cap Over Kate Middleton’s Nude Sunbathing Photos”

Natalie Portman Is ‘Rouge Nude’ For New Dior Campaign

So Yahoo’s headline for a story about Natalie Portman’s skin-baring Dior makeup ad is “Natalie Portman sheds conservative image in nude Dior ad.” Is it just me, or is “conservative” an odd word to use for someone who went onscreen clam-diving with Mila Kunis?

The photos were shot by the guy who did 2011’s Pirelli calendar (an elite publication featuring nude models and actresses). Yahoo! brings up the “high-necked dress” Portman wore on her wedding to back up her prudish image, then casually namedrops Black Swan in the next paragraph.  Continue reading “Natalie Portman Is ‘Rouge Nude’ For New Dior Campaign”

Prince Harry Is Naked

You’ve heard about Prince Harry’s drunken pool race with Ryan Lochte in Las Vegas, but have you seen what he was hiding under his swim trunks?

New photos released on Tuesday by TMZ almost reveal England’s crimson hope diamond.

Things got a little crazy when the Prince of Wales invited a group of women to play strip billiards in his suite.

Looks like he lost at the game AND at not making everyone put their camera phones in a basket upon entry.

A rep for his family says, 

“We have no comment to make on the photos at this time.”  Continue reading “Prince Harry Is Naked”

Nude Athletes That You’ve Mostly Never Heard Of, It’s The 2012 ESPN Body Issue!

This year’s batch of naked ESPN Body Issue athletes are no different than previous years. They have weird names that are either laughable (Destinee Hooker?) or impossible to pronounce (oh, another “ova” tennis player?) and they’re naked but not naked enough to get anyone lacking imagination off.

You can’t just put a basketball over your Tinie Tempah or turn your legs to the side and call yourself a magician. I know that trick.  Continue reading “Nude Athletes That You’ve Mostly Never Heard Of, It’s The 2012 ESPN Body Issue!”