Shia LaBeouf Did Us All A Favor, Wore a Bag Over His Stupid Face

Shia bag on headAfter realizing the spotlight was fading, two-time Megan Fox love interest and all-time douche Shia LaBeouf is desperate to remain famous. And how is he doing that, exactly? …By repeatedly reminding everyone that he’s NOT famous.

It’s a slightly brilliant ploy in a way if he actually has an endgame. (Like so many “artists,” he is probably just winging it.) Anyway, Shia wore a bag over his super worn-down backpacker face to the Nymphomaniac premiere in Berlin and walked out of a press conference after spouting a plagiarized line famously spoken by French soccer player Eric Cantona.

At this point, he’s not doing anything important and looks like a guy you’d meet at a hot spring, so why the hell not walk around with a paper bag over his head in public? (This isn’t even the first time, by the way.)

Kris Jenner Spent 1989 With Her Legs Above Her Head, Ignoring Her Kids

Kris Jenner unfit motherForgive me, but I just find this story so goddamn funny. Not the neglectful part. Just that Kris Jenner was such a sex-obsessed, Fassbender-in-Shame-style 80’s nymphomaniac that she couldn’t be bothered to pick up a phone.

In an In Touch “exclusive,” which a rep for the Kardashian klan called “ridiculous,” the magazine claims to have obtained the late Robert Kardashian’s handwritten journals, which are full of complaints about his irresponsible ex-wife.

Inside, we learn (using “learn” loosely) that Kris kicked and beat Kim in August of 1989 and was so into Todd Waterman (that guy she just happened to run into on KUWTK) that she was never home.

Continue reading “Kris Jenner Spent 1989 With Her Legs Above Her Head, Ignoring Her Kids”

Shia LaBeouf Might Have Non-Simulated Sex In ‘The Nymphomaniac’

Shia LaBeouf says that his new movie, The Nymphomaniac, about a woman who “discovers her hidden erotic desires” might contain real sex scenes. Real as in not-at-all-simulated full-on insertion.

“There’s a disclaimer at the top of the script that basically says we’re doing it for real,” the Transformers actor told MTV. “Everything that is illegal, we’ll shoot in blurred images. Other than that, everything is happening.”

The film is directed by self-proclaimed Nazi Lars von Trier. Remember? He was promoting Melancholia at Cannes last year and spouted this nonsense:

“I found out I was actually a Nazi. My family were German. And that also gave me some pleasure. What can I say? I understand Hitler…I sympathize with him a bit.”  Continue reading “Shia LaBeouf Might Have Non-Simulated Sex In ‘The Nymphomaniac’”