Oprah Winfrey Reveals Lifelong Fear of Balloons

Oprah BalloonsFor the spooky Halloween issue of O, Oprah admits she has always been afraid of the sound of balloons popping, just as I am afraid of hoards of greedy clapping middle-aged women with bingo wings. And clowns. Oh wait, same thing.

“I don’t like balloons, and for my 40th birthday my entire staff decided to surprise me,” 59-year-old Winfrey recalls. “I come downstairs and the entire audience is filled with balloons. Literally, I’m stepping over balloons, having to walk through balloons and I’m so, like, ‘Oh! When is one going to pop?'”

What’s worse, this or Tyra’s fear of dolphins? Probably Tyra’s thing because sometimes you can’t get out of a child’s birthday party without a really good excuse, but going to Sea World is never mandatory unless a dying child asks you to go for Make-A-Wish. Or if you’re a really smart parent, you get your kid to ask Tyra AND Oprah to go to Sea World on their birthday and you tie balloons to the dolphins, get a bowl of popcorn and watch those bitches howl.

Continue reading “Oprah Winfrey Reveals Lifelong Fear of Balloons”

Lindsay Lounges Around In A Swimsuit Reading O Magazine, Not At All Posing For Cameras

I would apologize for making fun of two different swimsuit-wearing celebrities with embarrassing bodies (that’s a show in the UK by the way, please check out the penis gallery) in one day, but I’m not sorry.

Lindsay Lohan and Rod Stewart are funny looking, and I’m 12 and feel the need to point and laugh. Also, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen this many groin freckles in my life.

It’s like a celestial map of a yet-to-be-discovered galaxy of ginger planets.  Continue reading “Lindsay Lounges Around In A Swimsuit Reading O Magazine, Not At All Posing For Cameras”