America is the 18th Fattest Country

The United States are in trouble. ISIS and Justin Bieber are still at large, Men are having just as much plastic surgery as women and I keep forgetting which side of the kitchen the silverware drawer is on. On top of all that, we’re not even good at being fat anymore.

Yes, a study pulled using CIA obesity statistics tells us that America, land of the hydrogenated oil spongebath and McDonald’s apple pie enema came in 18th on a list of the fattest countries after Samoa, Nauru, The Cook Islands and a bunch of other names I can’t pronounce because I’m illiterate and overweight but not illiterate and overweight enough to make it to number one.  Continue reading “America is the 18th Fattest Country”

National Enquirer Says Chaz Bono Has 4 Years Left To Live

I don’t usually get offended by crazy made-up stories from gossip-hungry tabloids (probably because that’s sort of what The Twist is) BUT this is ridiculous.

The National Enquirer printed a story claiming that Chaz Bono would only live until 2015 because of his weight and gender reassignment surgery. (I wonder how long they give Kevin Federline, or Gabourey Sidibe?)

Apparently the reasoning is that “obesity, testosterone supplements, past depression and high suicide rates among transgendered people” increase his chances of a very early demise.

Continue reading “National Enquirer Says Chaz Bono Has 4 Years Left To Live”