Katy Perry Steals Used Underwear From Granny’s Boudoir

Katy Perry made a splash when she wandered the streets of Paris (for fashion week) in some foam green creation that is likely from a suspicious thrift store that sells used underwear, probably stolen from the homes of recently deceased grannies.

Questionably obtained sheer skirt and drawers aside, I’ve always wondered, is she a mermaid? Will her legs slowly dissipate and transform into a long scaly tail that flops back and forth like Jessica Simpson’s knockers, Netflix stock, and Obama’s opinion on gay rights?

Her colorful hair and general lack of comprehension make me wonder such things for hours on end.

She also wore a very pointy ring, but I attribute that to her going to a dinner that honored Karl Lagerfeld, and she must’ve needed it to stab him in case he started mumbling about enslaving her for one of his German experiments.

Katy Perry’s Grey-Pubed Not-So-Teenage Dream

Katy Perry loves transformation almost as much as Lady Gaga. She’s played a bi-curious nympho, a pyrosexual human boob sparkler, a frizzed-out partying brace-faced teenager and Kanye West’s alien girlfriend.

For her latest video for “The One That Got Away,” Perry made her saddest metamorphosis, into an old woman. It reminds me of Kate Winslet in The Reader, if The Reader had been directed by Floria Sigismond. (Marilyn Manson’s “The Beautiful People,” Perry’s “E.T,” The Runaways)

There’s actually two very sad things about “The One That Got Away.” Not only is Perry’s forlorn older-self reminiscing fairly convincingly about her former lover (Diego Luna) BUT if this single goes to number one on Billboard, Katy will pass Michael Jackson’s record.

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