Snowboarder Puts # On Helmet, Phone Crashed By Desperate Women

russian snowboarder phone numberA young Russian snowboarder received thousands of messages from women who took notice of the fact that he wore a helmet with his actual phone number written on the side and stood on a rebellious Pussy Riot board during last week’s Olympic finals.

Too many sexy texts and topless photos for his phone’s media storage to handle…

“I’ve got a collection of pictures,” the 22-year-old told USA Today. “It’s really boring in the Olympic Village, you know?”

There are three types of women who would do such a thing: ones who want to be famous, ones who want to talk to a famous person, and ones who are just super horny and bored. Most fall a little into all three categories. These women are a step above those who become penpals with men serving life sentences for murder and a big step below frequent OkCupid users.  Continue reading “Snowboarder Puts # On Helmet, Phone Crashed By Desperate Women”

Russian Town of Sochi is in no Way Ready for the Olympics: Full of Stray Dogs, Incomplete Hotel Rooms and Toxic Water

Sochi dirty
Putin’s stance on gays isn’t the only big story coming out of Sochi. The site chosen to host this year’s Olympics in the Southwestern corner of Russia along the Black Sea is an absolute mess. A mess that a handful of bold journalists have been live tweeting since their arrival…

Hotel rooms are reportedly missing things, and while they are often without electricity they do have toxic water, uncovered manholes toilets that don’t flush even the softest paper and a boatload of homeless dogs.

A reporter for the Chicago Tribune wrote “My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, “do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous.” ”  Continue reading “Russian Town of Sochi is in no Way Ready for the Olympics: Full of Stray Dogs, Incomplete Hotel Rooms and Toxic Water”

Ryan Lochte Can’t Even Lift a Teenage Girl

London Olympics Swimming MenWater caveman Ryan Lochte was injured a few weeks ago in Florida when he failed to catch a fanatical teen girl who jumped into his arms.

It’s especially sad and surprising that Lochte tore not one but TWO ligaments in his knee while attempting to lift a 110-pound girl, because we all assumed he was more brawn than brains, and now we know he’s neither. From ESPN:

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Olympian Ryan Lochte will miss next month’s Duel in the Pool, leaving the U.S. without its top male swimmer for the meet against a team of European all-stars.

Lochte tore a ligament and sprained another in his left knee on Nov. 3 after an excited teenage girl ran at him and the two fell over in Gainesville, Fla.

Maybe he got confused and thought the girl was his long lost daughter? Or a sandwich?

Skiier Lindsey Vonn Taken Down By Brutal Knee Injury, Airlifted To Hospital

Lindsey Vonn airliftedDecorated American ski champion Lindsey Vonn‘s chances of competing in the near future were frighteningly halted yesterday when she was airlifted to the hospital following a nasty tumble down a mountain at the Alpine world championships in Austria.

The United States team medical director informed news outlets that she had torn two ligaments in her knee and requires reconstructive surgery that will keep her out for the remainder of the season.

It is unlikely that the injury will keep her away from the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia.

Continue reading “Skiier Lindsey Vonn Taken Down By Brutal Knee Injury, Airlifted To Hospital”

Mo Farah Gets His Own Meme, A Running-Themed Tumblr

This has been an exciting Olympics for the internet. First we obsessed over Ryan Lochte’s face and abs, then McKayla Maroney’s “not impressed” face, now it’s “Mo Farah Running Away From Things.”

Farah is the British long-distance runner who won two gold medals on Saturday in the 10,000 meter and 5,000 meter races.

He is also an expecting father of twins who trains in Oregon, famous for a post-win dance called the “Mobot.”

His expression while running is the subject of a new Tumblr by graphic designer Luke “Spee” Harvey that has him being chased by Lion King wildebeests, Teletubbies, dinosaurs and more.  Continue reading “Mo Farah Gets His Own Meme, A Running-Themed Tumblr”

McKayla Maroney Is Not Impressed With You

Scientific American posted an article yesterday called “Why Bronze Medalists Are Happier Than Silver Winners.” As you can imagine, for silver medalists it has a lot to do with coming so close to winning the gold, whereas Bronze medalists are just happy to have placed at all.

See the all-around in gymnastics, where Russians Viktoria Komova and Aliya Mustafina came in second and third.

Mustafina, who is generally called a “diva” by everyone including Bob Costas, held her bronze proudly, smiling and waving while her teammate Komova unsuccessfully tried to hold back the tears.

Another case is McKayla Maroney, a strong favorite to win vault who lost to Romania’s Sandra Izbașa and made a very memorable face during her medal ceremony…

Continue reading “McKayla Maroney Is Not Impressed With You”

Woman Causes Media Frenzy After Sitting In Ryan Lochte’s Lap, Turns Out To Be His Sister

You know when you’re at a basketball game with you brother and they start showing that kiss cam, and you’re both silently praying that it doesn’t zoom in on you and create an awkward moment of nothingness that ultimately ends with everyone laughing at you?

Well, that happened to Olympic U.S. swimmer Ryan Lochte after the paparazzi snapped pictures of him and two mysterious women in the back of a car in London… Continue reading “Woman Causes Media Frenzy After Sitting In Ryan Lochte’s Lap, Turns Out To Be His Sister”

Ryan Lochte Turns Olympic Pools Yellow

When Ryan Seacrest asked record-setting Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte if he pees in the pool, he responded with a simple “of course.”

“I think there’s just something about getting into chlorine water that you just automatically go,” he said in a radio interview.

“I didn’t during the races, but I sure did in warm-up.”

It’s not very surprising that a person who spends that much time in the water also pees in it…

A survey from earlier this summer told us that out of 1000 people questioned, one in five of them admitted to relieving themselves in the pool.

Continue reading “Ryan Lochte Turns Olympic Pools Yellow”

Hey, Instead Of Congratulating Gabby Douglas, Let’s Make Fun Of Her Hair!

A few short bus-riding red helmet-wearing individuals have decided that 16-year-old Gabby Douglas, the second black gymnast to ever make the U.S. women’s Olympic team and first to win all-around gold, is shameful for having “bad hair.”

An article on Yahoo! confirmed many members of the African-American community’s opinion. One person wrote, “Gabby Douglas is cute and all…but that hair…on camera,”

Another said “I know that every black female looked at Gabby Douglas’s hair and asked Why? Just why?”

Hey assholes… First of all, I know there’s a lot of pressure that I could never understand for black women to have straight shiny hair and weaves and wigs and all this stuff, but she looks great. Continue reading “Hey, Instead Of Congratulating Gabby Douglas, Let’s Make Fun Of Her Hair!”

Michelle Obama Hugged The Entire U.S. Olympic Basketball Team And The Williams Sisters

The cutest thing you’ll ever see besides kittens on YouTube has to be pictures of Michelle Obama hugging the men’s basketball team at the 2012 Olympics. If we’re judging Michelle’s favoritism based on how big she smiled for each player – LeBron James wins.

She looked the least happy to be embracing the Knicks’ Tyson Chandler but the boredom left her face when Kobe and LeBron approached her on Sunday after beating France in the preliminaries.

Continue reading “Michelle Obama Hugged The Entire U.S. Olympic Basketball Team And The Williams Sisters”

Phelps Collects 19th Medal, Has More Than Anyone

Michael Phelps earned his 15th Olympic gold medal on Tuesday night in London when the U.S. men’s team won the 800-meter freestyle. He has 19 medals in total, which is the most of any athlete ever.

Russian gymnast Larisa Latynina, who competed in the 1956, 1960, and 1964 games, formerly held the record at 18, for all-around, teams, floor exercise, vault, bars and balance beam.

Click HERE for a comprehensive list of Phelps’ medals, from his 2004 debut in Athens to now.

The Most Beautiful Olympic Athletes Of The Year

The Dutch field hockey team at the 2012 Olympics have been unofficially named the most beautiful team in London and they’re actually good! They won a gold medal in 2008’s Beijing games and a silver in 2004 (with different players, of course).

I’m going to add more unofficially beautiful Olympians to this list but just know that I’m still bitter that Nastia Liukin isn’t there. Not because she’s “beautiful” but because I like to yell “NASTIA” out the window at the top of my lungs and it makes less sense now.  Continue reading “The Most Beautiful Olympic Athletes Of The Year”

Pregnant Olympic Sharpshooter Is A First

Malaysian shooter Nur Suryani Mohamed Taibi is not the first pregnant Olympic athlete (that title goes to Swedish figure skater Magda Julin in 1920) but she is the most pregnant and first in the Summer Games.

While Julin was three months along, 29-year-old Taibi is a shocking eight months. Besides being with child, she’s the first female from Malaysia to compete in rifle events.

“When I found out that I was pregnant before competing in the Asian meet, I thought that that was the end of my Olympic dream as I will have to turn my attention to the baby,” Nur Suryani told The Star.

“When I eventually qualified for the 10-meter air rifle event on merit, it made me rethink that perhaps I am supposed to go all the way despite my pregnancy.”  Continue reading “Pregnant Olympic Sharpshooter Is A First”

Michael Phelps Shoots Daggers At Ryan Lochte After Losing 400 IM

Aquatic nuclear devices flew out of Michael Phelps‘ eyes after he lost to his American teammate Ryan Lochte in the 400 meter individual medley earlier today…

It might be time for King Triton to put his flippers in the storage shed and give up the game.

Continue reading “Michael Phelps Shoots Daggers At Ryan Lochte After Losing 400 IM”

Funny Video: Hurdler Michelle Jenneke Warming Up To ‘Boys’ By Sabrina

This video has over 13 million views, and we all know why. First: it’s funny. Two: it’s sex-related. Speaking of that, sex.com has offered 19-year old Australian hurdler Michelle Jenneke a “sizable” amount of money to pose naked.

While she came in 5th at the 2012 Barcelona World Junior Championships, she will not be making an appearance at the London games, but may show up at the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.

Continue reading “Funny Video: Hurdler Michelle Jenneke Warming Up To ‘Boys’ By Sabrina”

Michael Phelps May Be Suffering From Manorexia

World champion stroker of breasts and ripper of bongs Michael Phelps told Details magazine that he gained 25 pounds after the Beijing Olympics in 2008.

“I wasn’t motivated. I did nothing, literally nothing, for a long time. I gained 25 pounds. A friend of mine and I were playing football on the beach in Miami, and somebody got a picture of us and put it all over the place. And he’s like, ‘Bro, you gotta start working out, man. You are fat.’”

Here’s a picture from the day he’s talking about. If that’s a fat man, we’re in less trouble than I thought we were. There are a lot of really in shape people in America.

He says Stallone’s Rocky II reminded him of his trials and tribulations as an obese lad trying to get back in shape.  Continue reading “Michael Phelps May Be Suffering From Manorexia”