Popular Boy Band Gets High

Zayn Malik getting high If only cell phone cameras had been around in the late ’90s and early 2000s, I could have seen Britney Spears inspecting Justin Timberlake’s crunchy hair for lice after dropping ecstasyor Backstreet Boy AJ McLean taking shots and playing NBA Street with Hooters girls instead of rehearsing.

What I get instead is Louis Tomlinson of One Direction filming his band mate in a car in Peru with a joint in his hand and a motorcycle cop literally right outside the window and dear God I just don’t care about this kind of music anymore. 

Don’t blame the weed. One Direction are definitely terrible role models, but only because they don’t play any instruments and have no discernible talent. If you combined all five of them into one man, that man might be moderately attractive.  Continue reading “Popular Boy Band Gets High”

Video: One Direction – “Best Song Ever”

Usually I try to post only two kinds of music videos on here, ones I really like, or ones that make me shit my pants in contempt. The video for “Best Song Ever” doesn’t quite qualify as either, it’s just really popular.

So popular that it broke a record on Vevo for most views in one day (over 10 million) because One Direction fans are nuts. In it, the boys take on various roles like a bald studio exec (Louis Tomlinson doing Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder), a choreographer, a nerd, an old dude and a sexy assistant.one direction in drag
I’m usually pretty “meh” about these guys but it’s worth watching just to see Zayn Malik in drag. Maybe Lorne Michaels should invite a few of them to host SNL? —-> GIFs HERE <—–

Harry Styles Irons White Briefs in Gold Thong

Harry Styles Thong Against all odds – an enormous butterfly tattoo on the money-shot center of his chest, a third and fourth nipple and terrible acne – Harry Styles continues to be America’s adopted national treasure, capturing the attention of famous women like Emma Watson and Taylor Swift.

Oh, and you can add questionable taste in underwear to the list. Recently, an image of the British rose ironing his tighty-whities in a printed gold thong surfaced.

This unforgettable moment in time was captured in 2010 when Harry was just 16 and still competing on The X Factor. When I look at him, I think of the time I babysat a kid named Gabe, who must’ve been six at the time, and how I couldn’t get him to stop running down the street with no pants on.

I also need to know if he normally wears a thong under his briefs or if he just put it on so he could iron. (And if so, who gave it to him?)

One Direction Ruin Blondie and The Undertones in One Fell Swoop

Harry Styles one way or anotherArizona is frozen, Australia is burning, it’s raining spiders in Brazil, there’s snow on the beaches of Croatia, a 10,000 ton meteor hit Russia and One Direction did a mash-up of “One Way Or Another” and “Teenage Kicks.”

Taylor Swift’s babyfaced ex singing not one but two iconic new wave songs written about 20 years before he was born has to be the most frightening sign of the coming apocalypse. (Though maybe he relates to that whole being stalked theme?)

I remember Glee and Angelica from The Rugrats ruining “One Way Or Another” on separate occasions. And dwarfy Billie Joe Armstrong didn’t have to squat too low for The Undertones’ classic… But this is a goddamn musical snuff double feature! Continue reading “One Direction Ruin Blondie and The Undertones in One Fell Swoop”

The Dark-Haired Guy From One Direction Cheated On The Blonde Girl From Little Mix

Zayn Malik Perrie EdwardsMy knowledge of British boy and girl bands doesn’t stretch beyond the Girls Aloud documentary and early fondness for BBMak and the Spice Girls, but since we’re all fascinated by celebrity misfortune, I’ll tell you about the latest cheating scandal involving perfectly groomed children of the UK.

One Direction’s Zayn Malik (“dark-haired guy” because his is the darkest of the four brunette members) has been dating Perrie Edwards (usually blonde, currently purple?) of the four-piece girl group Little Mix for about a year.

They were both on The X Factor in different seasons (7 and 8) and fans refer to them as “Zerrie” and think they’re the cutest couple in all of Disneyland or The Matrix or whatever.  Continue reading “The Dark-Haired Guy From One Direction Cheated On The Blonde Girl From Little Mix”

Taylor Swift Is/Was Basically Dating Mick Jagger

Harry Styles shirtlessLadies, don’t be jealous of Taylor Swift and her boyfriend, One Direction boy-bander Harry Styles. I can see the future, and it involves him fully transitioning into Mick Jagger (or Wrinkly Kong) in 20 years.

I can’t stop thinking about the Mick resemblance after Daily Mail posted photos of Styles absorbing sun and showing off his back acne and random collection of tattoos on the beach in the Caribbean on Saturday.

The older one of Harry (pre-battleship, sister’s name, 007, coat hanger, padlock and bird tattoos) making a familiar face sent me into a state of shockContinue reading “Taylor Swift Is/Was Basically Dating Mick Jagger”

DJ Earworm’s Mash-Up of Every Pop Song You Remember From 2012

faces of pop 2012San Francisco mash-up king DJ Earworm (Jordan Roseman) releases a master mix of all the radio-friendly songs of the year in December, and 2012’s is here, ripe with van Gogh-worthy tracks from Adele, One Direction, Ke$ha, Carly Rae Jepsen, Rihanna, PSY and more.

This one’s called “Shine Brighter” and it’s bound to get actual airplay, and a video complete with clips from every artist on Earworm’s YouTube channel shortly.

Poll: which song do you hate the least? I’m going with Bruno Mars’ “Locked out of Heaven,” mostly because it’s not as old as the others and therefore less overplayed.

(I don’t quite get why “Titanium” is absent? It was released Dec. 9, 2011, but Adele’s “Set Fire To The Rain” is from Nov. 2011 and was included. Poor Sia.) Continue reading “DJ Earworm’s Mash-Up of Every Pop Song You Remember From 2012”

One Direction Band Members Jealous of Heathrow Haylor

Heathrow Haylor 1Taylor Swift is to One Direction what Yoko Ono was to The Beatles, a source tells the The Sun. According to them, Taylor is Yoko-y because Harry Styles “ditched” his bandmates in favor of a cozy private plane ride with his new girlfriend.

The article also makes a point of mentioning that Liam Payne suffered painful injuries at Heathrow airport after fighting through aggressive fans.

Five dollars on the anonymous source actually being one of the guys from One Direction.

Continue reading “One Direction Band Members Jealous of Heathrow Haylor”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [11-27-12]

One Direction get together on a couch, examine each other‘s cell phone. (ohmyGAHH!)

Facebook bans, then reinstates elbow picture because it looked like a breast. (Huffington Post)

Nicki Minaj calls Steven Tyler a racist old lady after Bob Dylan cornfield remark. (MTV)

Third Kevin Clash accuser may publish a book about his experiences. (Gawker)

Jada Pinkett explains why you shouldn’t give a crap that Willow cut her hair. (Jezebel)

Casting news: Lenny Kravitz to play Marvin in Julien Temple’s Gaye Project. (Deadline)

Smoking cigarettes makes you stupid for more reasons than your stupid ass can fathom. (Examiner)

Barbara Walters Names Hillary Clinton, One Direction ‘Most Fascinating People”

Barbara Walters’ list of the Most Fascinating People of 2012 is out and two of the choices are baffling. Out of Ben Affleck, Hillary Clinton, One Direction, Chris Christie, Gabby Douglas, E.L. James and Seth MacFarlane, who do you think I’m talking about?

If you have to ask, we’re not on speaking terms. E.L. James and One Direction of course, though I have to say, Barbara Walters or whoever compiles this crap is not to blame.

Rock authority Rolling Stone was never to blame for suddenly putting the Backstreet Boys on the cover, it was simply what was popular at the time and came with a sort of unspoken apology.  Continue reading “Barbara Walters Names Hillary Clinton, One Direction ‘Most Fascinating People””

Justin Bieber Cuts Radio Interview Short

Justin Bieber took offense when “Mojo” from the radio program Mojo In The Morning compared him to Justin Timberlake and joked about his mom and Harry Styles of One Direction. Here’s the Timberlake part:

DJ: “I hope you take this as a compliment because I really mean it as that, but when I first got played your song by some of your record people who said ‘Hey I want you to hear something,’ and this was months and months before it came out, they said ‘Take a listen to this and tell me if you can tell me who this is.’ I thought it was Justin Timberlake.”

Bieber: “Where, what one?”

DJ:When I heard ‘Boyfriend’ for the very first time, you know, like I said that it as a compliment ’cause I think Justin Timberlake is the man. But I thought it was Justin Timberlake’s single and then when they told me it was you and I was so excited for ya.”

Bieber: “Man, that’s crazy, because our voices sound nothing alike.”  Continue reading “Justin Bieber Cuts Radio Interview Short”

Boy Band Trademark War? A Dance-Off Will Solve It

If you happen to watch Saturday Night Live and don’t have DVR capabilities that allow fast-forwarding, the boy group One Direction graced your television last Saturday.

Their album Up All Night went to the top of the U.S. and UK iTunes charts. Their “story” is far more interesting. They are one of those cobbled-together groups. Like O-Town or other Making The Band Danity-Kane-concoctions.

Ninteen months ago One Direction members Liam, Zayn, Harry, Niall and Louis auditioned separately on the 7th season of British X-Factor guest (and one-time U.S. judge) Nicole Scherzinger suggested that the five compete as a unite.

Simon Cowell signed them to his label, thus the birth of “What Makes You Beautiful” and all that. The problem is, there’s already a band from America with the same name…

Continue reading “Boy Band Trademark War? A Dance-Off Will Solve It”

Boy Bands Are Making A Comeback, Here’s Proof

There are currently not one but TWO UK boy bands with singles and albums climbing the chart ladders. The Wanted are one, with their massive hit “Glad You Came” (I can hear the immature laughter now, emitting from my apartment) which is number four on iTunes’ top songs.

The other band of grinning professionally-coiffed miscreants are One Direction aka 1D, which L.A. Times compares to The Jackson 5, ‘N Sync, NKOTB and the Osmonds. Jackon 5 comparisons seem like a reach and an insult to Michael, but that’s just me.

One Direction, who were put together by evil genius mastermind Simon Cowell in 2010 after every member appeared as a contestant on overseas X-Factor, are appearing on Saturday Night Live on April 7th with host Sofia Vergara.

Continue reading “Boy Bands Are Making A Comeback, Here’s Proof”