Shailene Woodley’s Naturopathic, Organic Lifestyle is Refreshing and Oddly Charming

Shailene Woodley Flaunt 2013
Shailene Woodley is one of my people. Like the daughter of one of my mom’s friends, foraging for roots and saving mouse bones and and analyzing owl poop. You know her, right?

She played Clooney’s troublemaking daughter in The Descendants and the goody two-shoes girlfriend in the realistic and touching no-nonsense indie drama The Spectacular Now. She’s also been cast as Mary Jane in the third Amazing Spider-Man movie.

I’m not saying she’s a serial killer with that bone and poop stuff, to be clear. I’m saying she’s a lovable, wonderfully eccentric hippie who cares about the earth and being spiritual without judging anyone and not leaving a carbon footprint and all that other stuff that seems so cheesy and kind of makes you want to puke because you know you’re inferior and couldn’t live without 2% beef and 98% possum organ Taco Bell meat.

Here’s a word about her not-very-American eating and living habits, from Flaunt:

I think everything about my lifestyle is fairly alternative,” says the star. “I gather my own spring water from mountains every month. I go to a farm to get my food. I make everything from my own toothpaste to my own body lotions and face oils.”

Woodley continued, “I make my own medicines; I don’t get those from doctors. I make my own cheese and forage wild foods and identify wild plants. It’s an entire lifestyle. It’s appealing to my soul.”

You go girl. Rubbing mercury on your face is no bueno. Put a stick in cancer’s spokes and let the sweet sweet dirty brown chicken eggs enter your basket.
Woodley Flaunt b&w
Nothing sexual going on here at all. I would say it’s one hippie to another but I eat way too much candy and light milk anti-antioxidant chocolate to identify as anything but a gluttonous technology-addicted slob.

Be Prepared To Shamefully Show Your ID When Buying Kombucha

Kombucha alcohol labelKombucha manufacturers were forced to pull their products from store shelves in 2010 after the government began investigating the alcohol content to see if it contained more than 0.5% and needed to be sold to over 21s.

Many speculated that Lindsay Lohan was to blame (isn’t she always) because she complained that the drink had set off her ankle monitor.

It’s all very sad and humorous because Kombucha is basically just liquified, non-hallucinogenic mushrooms. Most of the people who drink it (besides Lindsay and I) are certifiable hippies who collect feathers and skulls and won’t leave the house without a basket full of yarn and Tom’s of Maine products.  Continue reading “Be Prepared To Shamefully Show Your ID When Buying Kombucha”

Oprah To Peddle Organic Veggies and Beauty Products

Oprah Winfrey has tackled television, movies and magazines and is now planting her pitchfork firmly in the organic food industry.

Documents dug up by the New York Post show that she is deciding on the names “Oprah’s Organics,” “Oprah’s Harvest” and “Oprah’s Farm” for her new business

Edibles will be grown in Hawaii and will spawn beverages, salad dressing, frozen vegetables, soup, and snack dips.

And, she’s not only going to be stepping on Paul Newman’s toes, but Burt’s Bees as well.

Beauty products like soaps, shower gels, lotion, shampoo, oils and skin care cream are also on the menu and I’d be very surprised if Oprah’s beaming face wasn’t on every bottle.

Surprisingly, she’s not even listed as one of the top 20 richest women in America.  Continue reading “Oprah To Peddle Organic Veggies and Beauty Products”