Unhappy, Penisless Man Becomes Happiest Man Ever After Successful Transplant

banana cuttingDoctors in Cape Town, South Africa were recently able to confirm the world’s first successful penis transplant on a 21-year-old man who lost his member three years earlier. And it only took 9 hours!

The man was 18 at the time of his initiation to manhood, when a surgeon accidentally cut off his entire shaft instead of just his foreskin.

Fortunately, things are starting to look up, as he reportedly sported a post-op erection during a follow-up procedure.  Continue reading “Unhappy, Penisless Man Becomes Happiest Man Ever After Successful Transplant”

This Woman is the New Lorena Bobbitt

Amber Ellis tulsa mugshotA Tulsa woman took Gaga’s “Show Me Your Teeth” lyric WAY TOO far when she took a bite out of her boyfriend’s unsuspecting penis.

31-year-old Amber Ellis did not get as far as knife-wielding Lorena Bobbit, as her significant other was able to wake up in time to fight her off and not lose his entire shaft, though he did receive “several stitches at the base of his penis.”

He was also treated for injuries to his head and neck, due to the fact that Ellis smashed him in the noggin with a laptop.  Continue reading “This Woman is the New Lorena Bobbitt”

Hasbro to Make Kid’s Cake Decorating Tool less Penis-y

play doh penisHasbro toys are addressing parent’s concerns about their totally dong-shaped frosting tool by replacing it with something less phallic after concerned mothers contacted the company and posted humorous pictures pointing out the similarities on Facebook after gifting it to their children for the holidays. (One grandmother even mistook it for an actual sex toy.)

Hasbro said in a recent statement that they are “in the process of updating all future Play-Doh products with a different tool.”

Replacement Hasbro cake decorating toy is ribbed for her pleasure comes in regular and magnum sizes. Free easy bake meth kit upon purchase for a limited time only.

A Man With Two Penises Has Existed For 24 Years And We’re Only Just Now Hearing About It

double dick dude twitter2014 is already a wondrous year for one reason and three words: Double Dick Dude.

This is the Reddit username of a 24-year-old caucasian man with a rare condition called Diphallia, also known as “penile duplication” also known as “HE HAS TWO WORKING, FULL-SIZED PENISES!”

Double Dick Dude recently revealed tons of personal details about his sex life in an Ask Me Anything session, but surprisingly few unrelated to his genital region besides his age and American citizenship were brought to light.

When asked what the downsides were, he wrote that the girl he lost his virginity in high school “told everyone” and that he generally avoids public restrooms. (His prostate also becomes enlarged if he doesn’t ejaculate at least every two days.)  Continue reading “A Man With Two Penises Has Existed For 24 Years And We’re Only Just Now Hearing About It”

Chris Rock Isn’t Talking About Popularity or Weight When He Says ADAM SANDLER IS HUGE

Adam Sandler penisIn a brief, impromptu interview with Chris Rock on Tuesday, June 18, Howard Stern asked about his own penis size and the size of his Grown Ups 2 co-star Adam Sandler.

Backstory: the line of questioning began because Rock was sitting next to Jonah Falcon, the world’s most well-endowed man, TSA menace and singer of “It’s Too Big.”

“It’s pretty big,” Rock stated. “When we were younger at SNL, Sandler and Farley would just whip out their d*cks all the time.”

Tommy Boy star Chris Farley, who died of a cocaine and morphine overdose in 1997, would humorously trick and his Saturday Night Live co-stars into looking at his junk, à la Waiting.

Continue reading “Chris Rock Isn’t Talking About Popularity or Weight When He Says ADAM SANDLER IS HUGE”

Jon Hamm Doesn’t Have a Sense of Humor About His Bulge and God Knows What Else

Jon Hamm RS Cover cropped 2013I don’t want to sound like an absolute Jon Hamm hater, because I think he’s funny on Saturday Night Live and good on Mad Men and his wife seems nice, but I can’t stand when people don’t recognize humor as a better defense mechanism than unadulterated grumpery.

Here’s Hamm, to Rolling Stone, taking first world problems to new heights:

“They’re called ‘privates’ for a reason,” he says. “I’m wearing pants, for fuck’s sake. Lay off. I mean, it’s not like I’m a fucking lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my cock, I feel like that wasn’t part of the deal … But whatever. I guess it’s better than being called out for the opposite.”

This is like if Angelina Jolie came out and complained that her gold toilet’s heating mechanism malfunctioned and one of her 20 maids took maternity leave.  Continue reading “Jon Hamm Doesn’t Have a Sense of Humor About His Bulge and God Knows What Else”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [12-23-12]

Kate Moss beach penisKate Moss and  husband Jamie Hince photobombed by sandy French penis. (X17 Online)

PSY’s “Gangnam Style” is first YouTube video to reach one billion views. (NME)

LeAnn Rimes wrote a song about her affair with Eddie Cibrian. (Perez)

Scary Movie 5 makes a mockery of Lindsay Lohan’s drug and driving problems. (TMZ)

Melissa Etheridge doesn’t want her kids to have a nice Christmas. (Evil Beet)

The Jersey Shore series finale had the lowest ratings of any JS finale. (Huffington Post)

Taylor Swift and Harry Styles fell down a snowy mountain. Ate meatballs after. (Celebuzz)

Eric Andre Exposes Himself on National Television

Eric Andre Attack of the show Don’t Trust The B— In Apt 23 actor Eric André is here to completely shatter Tracy Morgan’s reputation as the most unpredictable talk show guest in history. On December 5, André visited G4’s soon-to-be-off-the-air tech program Attack of the Show to sort of talk about acting.

The interview was conducted by his longtime friend, Michael Kosta, who brought up André almost getting banned from Instagram because of his affinity for… tucking it back.  Continue reading “Eric Andre Exposes Himself on National Television”

Emile Hirsch Makes Intense Ann Coulter Face As He Pees On A Cactus

Emile Hirsch Censored penisI’ve always been jealous of the male ability to pee on a whim, without squatting or using poison ivy as toilet paper, but I’m second guessing my envy after seeing this photo of Emile Hirsch peeing on an aloe vera plant outside the West Hollywood club Bootsy Bellows.

Hard to argue that the paparazzi invaded his privacy when they snapped a picture of the tip of his penis considering he’s outside in a very public area. I’m more concerned for that poor succulent life form he’s hovering over. You don’t have to look closely to see how abused and underfed it was even before he started emptying his bladder onto it.

I’m emptying Emile’s home water tank and replacing it with urine. My ivy urine, to be exact.

Hold the Phone and Don’t Call me Maybe… Justin Bieber’s DAD Has Nudes??

While Justin Bieber would say his week was great because he danced the night away and sold millions of records, others would call it colorful.

First, a crazy man dad filed a lawsuit claiming that Justin stole from him and spent his money on penis enlargements and a $426 dollar abortion for his STD-ridden daughter, Selena Gomez.

Then, on the same day, Radar Online reported that “full-frontal” nude photos of his father, Jeremy Bieber, in his “younger days” existed and were being shopped around.

“Jeremy was purposely posing in all the photos, and he’s completely naked showing full-frontal,” a source told the site. “They look like they were taken for a Playgirl-type magazine or something.”  Continue reading “Hold the Phone and Don’t Call me Maybe… Justin Bieber’s DAD Has Nudes??”

The Best Excerpts From ‘Who I Am: A Memoir’ By Pete Townshend (Mick Jagger’s Wang)

Legendary The Who guitarist Pete Townshend was subjected to a four-month investigation by the police after they learned that he paid to access a child pornography site in 2003.

In his new book, Who I Am: A Memoir, Townshend explains that he typed “russian orphanages boys donations” (for charity) into his web browser and was horrified by the results.

“I used my Barclaycard once on a site with a button that (rather ridiculously) said ‘Click here for child-porn.’ The charge was $7, which I immediately cancelled, not wanting even this small charge to benefit banks and credit-card companies that allowed the transaction in the first place,” he said of the research he swears he was doing for an essay on his blog in 2002.  Continue reading “The Best Excerpts From ‘Who I Am: A Memoir’ By Pete Townshend (Mick Jagger’s Wang)”

Another Fake Justin Bieber Nude Just Hit The Web

A scandalous penis photo thought momentarily to be of Justin Bieber because of his trademark but easily copied seagull tattoo hit the internet after Bieber’s laptop and camera were stolen at a show in Tacoma, WA.

Clearly there were a few factors involved in people getting tricked into thinking that it was real besides the obvious reason that certain individuals desperately want it to be.

The tattoo, the laptop thing and the fact that the dude in the picture is uncircumcised, which is internet gospel according to The Gallery of Intact Famous Men.  Continue reading “Another Fake Justin Bieber Nude Just Hit The Web”

Hulk Hogan Answers The Phone During His Sex Tape, Wonders If It’s His Son

There’s a lot going on in Hulk Hogan‘s sex tape (which we first heard about in March). First off, it’s naked Hulk Hogan, so you can’t expect it, or any other celebrity sex tape for that matter, to be “sexy.”

Hulk is married but the woman in question is reportedly not his current wife, but the ex-wife of Hogan’s close friend, Todd Clem aka Bubba the Love Sponge. Sterling Golden Wrestler extraordinaire says he was “secretly filmed” and is already striking back legally.

On to notable things in the video, which we first heard about in March, besides the random swinger action (are all men born before 1960 into wife swapping?), the dialogue is to die for.  Continue reading “Hulk Hogan Answers The Phone During His Sex Tape, Wonders If It’s His Son”

Daniel Radcliffe Films ‘The F Word,’ Flashes Junk (Again)

Photos of Daniel Radcliffe filming the upcoming “romantic” film The F Word have surfaced and they might remind you of pesky Prince Harry’s naked Las Vegas antics, except Radcliffe isn’t so shy…

This straight-person version of The L Word co-stars Rafe Spall (Prometheus) and Zoe Kazan (Bored To Death, Fracture), who is also naked while shooting a skinny dipping scene with Harry Potter.

MNPP has a complete collection of non-Equus nudie pics. Did he get circumcised since then or what? I see less foreskin.

Trademarking Your Deformities

I’ve heard of insuring your body parts, J-lo’s big ass and Tommy lee’s penis but this story is absolutely atrocious.

According to Dlisted.com, The world’s ugliest basketball player, Anthony Davis, is reportedly trademarking his puke-inducing eyebrow/unibrow. I literally feel like crying when I see his ugly face, but that’s the power of a unibrow.

And he says, “I don’t want anyone to try to grow a unibrow because of me and then try to make money off of it. Me and my family decided to trademark it because it’s very unique.”  Continue reading “Trademarking Your Deformities”

The Best Stills From ‘Piranha 3DD’ (NSFW)

Despite receiving horrendous reviews on Rotten Tomatoes and making $182,237 in its first weekend in North America and being beat by Salmon Fishing In The Yemen in the UK, Piranha 3DD is pretty entertaining.

I don’t see how fans of Alexandre Aja’s Piranha 3D could hate its sequel.

It has twice the nudity, Ving Rhames with shotguns for legs, David Hasselhoff reprising his role as a lifeguard, Christopher Lloyd using YouTube, and flesh-eating fish in manmade drainage pipes.

Continue reading “The Best Stills From ‘Piranha 3DD’ (NSFW)”

Olivia Munn Pokes [More] Fun At Nudey Scandal

Olivia Munn may be overconfident and overexposed and possibly a liar (her book was partially fabricated) but she has a sense of humor that is perhaps underappreciated.

At the SXSW screening of The Babymakers co-starring Aisha Tyler and Munn (about a husband who attempts to rob a sperm bank after realizing he’s infertile) she had director Jay Chandrasekha read a letter to audience members.

The bottom half of the letter (which she later posted online with the featured picture) is another jab at anyone who may have believed those naked photos were real.

“I pray this letter finds you well and God keeps you safe. Oh, and one last thing – Some of those pictures weren’t even me. I mean, you can’t even see my penis… and it’s pretty big for an Asian. Sheesh.”  Continue reading “Olivia Munn Pokes [More] Fun At Nudey Scandal”