L.A. Shoppers Deprived of Plastic Bags, Riot Silently

Almost as sad as Mean Girls now being 10 years old (take some time to process that), a few random laws are effective immediately with the coming of the New Year. Laws such as the recreational use of sticky icky in Colorado (not so sad), and the ban of plastic bags in Los Angeles.

Like every wasteful, gluttony-rooted American, I don’t appreciate being forced to respect the environment.

This country relies on grease, plastic and fossil fuel like France relies on cigarettes, wine-soaked armpit hair and cheese, and on this night and every other I will light a candle for the great loss my Southern Californian friends have suffered. Rest in peace, ye olde plastic bag, with your fragile body so prone to tears.

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Courtney Stodden Keeps Telling Everyone About Her ‘Personal’ Sex Tape

Courtney Stodden plasticCourtney Stodden must have felt a tiny pang of jealousy when she caught wind of the penguin exhibit at the zoo, also known as Farrah Abraham, because she’s now exclusively telling E! that she too has a sex tape. A “personal” tape of just her, solo, that no one will ever see because she’s not planning to release it or let hackers find it. “I don’t want to put any images in people’s mind; I’m gonna leave it up to you guys to think what you want,” she said.

This shocking outpour of modesty from the woman who consistently wears dresses smaller than Doug Hutchison’s bandanas has to do with her wanting to be better than Farrah Abraham and her self-released porn.

The sex tape her (and her creepy mom) keep talking about is not being shopped around to Vivid at this current moment in time because she still thinks she has a better career than some desperate Teen Mom.

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Amanda Bynes Auditioning For Wax Museum Porn?

Amanda Bynes makeover A new photo posted to Amanda Bynes‘ Twitter leads us to believe that she morphed into a full-fledged porn star in a matter of weeks.

It appears she’s taken the eyelashes of an Inglewood drag queen and the hair of an American Girl doll to aid in her quest to become either Courtney Stodden or Jenna Jameson’s stunt double. Easy to disguise oneself with a wig and a box of gunpowder, but what’s going on with her actual face? When she started “changing” it was more like Miley Cyrus going through puberty. Like, she had the body of Karen Carpenter and the head of Ben Roethlisberger…

But now RoethlisHead is gone along with the girl from What I Like About You. And still, no one informed me that auditions for the 4th season of Rock of Love had already begun! #BotoxWink