Earth to Kanye West, A Genius Probably Wouldn’t Call Himself a Genius

Last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kanye West touched on a plethora of unimportant subjects that related to nothing but him and his life because only God knows what’s bigger, his wife’s ass or his head.

During the lengthy interview that every news outlet ever is calling an epic “rant,” Kanye called himself a “genius,” a “messenger” and a “creative,” not realizing that self-applied terms like this consistently make him sound like an untrendy toolbox douchnozzle.

Do you even brain: I’m totally weird, and I’m totally honest, and I’m totally inappropriate sometimes. And the thing is, for me to say I wasn’t a genius, I would just be lying to you and to myself.”

Wow Kanye, you’re totally akin to Joan of Arc!: “I wouldn’t even say that I’m a rapper. I’d say I’m more of a messenger than a rapper.”  Continue reading “Earth to Kanye West, A Genius Probably Wouldn’t Call Himself a Genius”

Amanda Bynes: ‘I Have An Eating Disorder So I Have a Hard Time Staying Thin’

Amanda Bynes eating disorderFor months people have been scouring Amanda Bynes‘ tweets, wondering which mental disorder she has. “Sources” pointed to bipolar and schizophrenia, but Bynes herself has revealed the answer.

From a Thursday night Twitter rant:

I’m suing certain blogs and magazines saying I have a mental illness! They take pictures anytime I’ve gained weight then write a fake story!

I have an eating disorder so I have a hard time staying thin.

They write a news article about every tweet I write and I hate the pictures they choose. They repeat what I tweet then add a bad photo.  Continue reading “Amanda Bynes: ‘I Have An Eating Disorder So I Have a Hard Time Staying Thin’”

Rob Kardashian Gets Into Crazy Twitter Battle With Ex Rita Ora

Rob Kardashian Rita Ora black and whiteThe least valuable Kardashian got into it on Twitter with his ex-girlfriend, British pop star Rita Ora (often compared to Rihanna), calling her a a dirty two-cent sperm depository (paraphrasing).

On Monday, Rob Kardashian deleted a sting of nasty digs directed at Ora.“She cheated on me with nearly 20 dudes while we were together… But I mean 20?!!!!” he wrote. He later added that he was “disgusted” and wondered how a woman so busy starting her career could “have time to be with so many dudes while in a relationship.”

To make matters worse, someone on a fake Rita Ora account threw out the message “Rob’s dick was wack, I had to go get it somewhere else,” which he retweeted with the response “So you let me get you pregnant and you let others hit raw?”  Continue reading “Rob Kardashian Gets Into Crazy Twitter Battle With Ex Rita Ora”

Clint, I Love You, But WTF Are You Talking About?

Clint Eastwood, who announced his support for Mitt Romney August 3, opened for the presidential candidate at the Republican National Convention on Thursday with a rant less easy to understand than stroked-out Gary Busey.

I THINK he was trying to say that Romney will help the economy, and even though Obama’s enthusiasm in 2004 made him cry (“I
haven’t cried that hard since I found out that there are 23 million unemployed people in this country”), he’s sick of the broken promises.

Being the biggest female Clint Eastwood fan in the entire world, I can only hope that he was stumbling over his words (and talking to inanimate objects BESIDES Paul Ryan) to appeal to his audience.  Continue reading “Clint, I Love You, But WTF Are You Talking About?”

Courtney Love’s Marbles – Still Not Recovered

The Hole frontwoman became excruciatingly infuriated when she noticed a fan holding a picture of Kurt Cobain on the second day (November 13th) of Brazil’s SWU Music & Arts Festival.

Though the Foo Fighters and Dave Grohl were not present, Courtney started making random insulting comments about them. She actually walked off stage after she saw the photo, and had her replacement Hole member incite the crowd to chant “Foo Fighters are gay” in order to make her come back.

Continue reading “Courtney Love’s Marbles – Still Not Recovered”

Damn It, I Was Hoping Michael Vick’s Hand Was Broken

During a game against the New York Giants in Philadelphia, it was reported that Michael Vick broke his hand after what he claims was a late hit by Chris Canty.

The team physician for The Eagles determined the injury on Sunday during the game, but it was later ruled to be a severely bruised bone with problematic swelling.

As much as I love the Eagles I was really rooting for his hand to be broken, since I HATE him. Besides being a sadistic dog-killer, he complains too much…

Continue reading “Damn It, I Was Hoping Michael Vick’s Hand Was Broken”