HBO ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Season 5, Episode 1

Young-Cersei-Lannister

‘Game of Thrones‘ is officially underway, and as usual, showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss managed to make a lot happen in the latest 50 minute-long episode of the hit HBO series.

***Warning: spoilers ahead***

The season five premiere, titled “The Wars to Come,” opens with a glimpse of a young Cersei Lannister fearlessly convincing a friend to approach a witch’s hut with her. While Cersei doesn’t suffer the fate of fellow classic fantasy-characters Hansel and Gretel, it wouldn’t be a George R. R. Martin production without a little bloodshed and heartache.

“You’ll never wed the prince, you’ll wed the king,” the messy-haired sorceress tells Cersei after commanding her to prick her finger. “You’ll be queen, for a time,” she ominously continues. “In comes another, younger, more beautiful, to cast you down and take all you hold dear. The king will have twenty children, and you will have three. Gold will be their crowns, gold their shrouds.”

In one short scene, Cersei learns much of what we know about her adult life. From Margaery Tyrell‘s marriage to Tommen, to Robert Baratheon‘s bastard sons and her incestual relationship with Jaime Lannister.  Continue reading “HBO ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Season 5, Episode 1”

‘Faking It’ Recap: Three To Tango

Faking it threesome episode
This year, MTV birthed a very decent show in the vein of Awkward called Faking It about a teenage girl who realizes she’s falling for her best friend after they decide to pretend to be lesbians in order to stand out at their ultra-liberal high school in Austin, Texas.

Struggling with sexual identity may not necessarily be a relatable theme, but having feelings for someone you can’t have is, and that’s what makes the show special.

In the sixth episode of Faking It, Amy (Rita Volk, the potentially gay one) reluctantly agrees to have a threesome at the request of Karma (American Idol contestant Katie Stevens, the straight friend), who desperately wants to lose her virginity to the “hot guy” character, who, like all heartthrobs on TV, is constantly referred to by his first and last name.
rules of a threesome faking it
As expected, the unsure-ness of what’s to come gets to all three parties, and begins with awkward silences and glances back and forth…   Continue reading “‘Faking It’ Recap: Three To Tango”

Steamy ‘Pretty Little Liars’ Winter Premiere Shows New Sides to Old Characters

Hannah Mona Pretty Little Liars The winter premiere of Pretty Little Liars aired last night and is back to its usual Scream-meets-Days-of-our-Lives tricks. Blackmail, baby mama drama, locker surprises… everyone’s a suspect, including your favorite character, whoever that might be.

In the midway point of season 3 (episode 14, “She’s Better Now”), Mona, one of the most crucial villains, has been released from the hospital and is either being made or playing the victim. (After sneaking into her old ally Hanna’s window, she says “Is this a bad time?”)

Continue reading “Steamy ‘Pretty Little Liars’ Winter Premiere Shows New Sides to Old Characters”

Beavis And Butt-Head Season 8 Premiere Recap And Stills

Beavis And Butt-Head have returned after 14 sad years, for their ninth season and they’re just as succinct and dumb as you remember.

Actually, that’s not true, the boys seem a little bit smarter, like perhaps their vocabularies grew since they were taken off the air in 1997.

The first episode of the new season, true to the original format and split into two stories, is titled Werewolves Of Highland/Crying.

Continue reading “Beavis And Butt-Head Season 8 Premiere Recap And Stills”

‘Dexter’ Season 6 Premiere Recap, Stomach Snakes and Blowjobs

Dexter Morgan, the blood-spatter analyst with a “moral” serial-killing hobby is back in season six – which introduces all kinds of new characters and story lines, plus a new case and villain for him to idolize, obsess over, and then grow tired of.

The premiere episode, titled “Those Kinds of Things,” was both exciting and unsettling for a fan. We see Dexter having more “fun” than he has in a long time. During one of his many killing adventures – he’s less sneaky/brooding/careful murderer, more action/suspense movie violent/crazed.

(Spoilers and NSFW pics ahead)…

Continue reading “‘Dexter’ Season 6 Premiere Recap, Stomach Snakes and Blowjobs”

Naked True Blood Recap (NSFW)

Today’s episode of True Blood, like many others, had its fair share of nudity, perhaps the most from Anna Paquin that we’ve ever seen. Eric and Sookie drink eachother’s blood and go on one of those V-trips that we’ve become familiar with after season 1, where Jason (Ryan Kwanten) and Amy (Lizzie Caplan) laid around topless, devouring vials of V as if they were In-N-Out cheeseburgers.

NOW Sookie (Paquin) and newly reformed vampire Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) are living together, and swapping blood. What would the Department of Health And Human Services have to say about that? This show needs all sorts of disclaimers for people who are prone to become out of touch with reality.

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Jersey Shore Season 4 Premiere, Recap! (Snooki’s Workout + Jwoww’s Botox)

That’s right, tonight was a very special night. Another important moment in nothingness. Season four of Jersey Shore has finally arrived. The show premiered in Italy with many questions to be answered. Well, honestly, I had no questions. I knew that 1. there will be a car accident. 2. The cast is just as stupid in Italy as in America. And 3. everyone is going to “smush.”

The show starts out in the unfiltered smog of America’s poorly-aged butthole err garden state, NJ. Nothing interesting happens until the boys and girls, Mike “The Situation,” Jenni “Jwoww” Farley, Vinny, Pauly D, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Ronnie and Sammi “Sweetheart” arrive in their new foreign home. Like everything else on the show, the new house looks like an imitation. A cheesy high-school project idea of what Italy would be. Marble, statues and pillars with red and yellow paint tossed in for good measure.

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