Ke$ha is in Rehab, But Not For Drugs or Alcohol

Kesha bodySo I know I’ve said all kinds of slightly disrespectful things about Ke$ha before, but I actually think she’s a really underrated pop songwriter of tunes catchier than all the crabs in the pants’ section of the used clothing store.

Back to the “news” part. Turns out, Ke$ha is taking a little break from everything and heading to a rehab facility in Chicago for the neither pills nor booze nor cocaine that you would expect from someone whose motto seems to involve nothing but playing hard.

“I’m a crusader for being yourself and loving yourself, but I’ve found it hard to practice,” Ke$ha said in a statement to Celebuzz.  “I’ll be unavailable for the next 30 days, seeking treatment for my eating disorder… to learn to love myself again, exactly as I am.”

Continue reading “Ke$ha is in Rehab, But Not For Drugs or Alcohol”

Chris Brown Headed To Rehab… For Anger

chris brown in court d.c.After having his felony assault charges against a D.C. man reduced to a misdemeanor, Chris Brown has checked into a rehab center in Malibu to help get his temper under control.

Did I say to get his temper under control? I meant to make people think he’s an imperfect person who can improve after a little counseling and yoga under palm trees.

Great publicity move, but anyone with a fraction of a brain cell knows that Chris Brown isn’t a circumstantial dickhead, he’s a no-hope toolshed full of dildos who miraculously avoids jail time by blinding people with his sh*tty imitation Usher bull honky.  Continue reading “Chris Brown Headed To Rehab… For Anger”

Philip Seymour Hoffman Just Got Out of Rehab for Snorting Heroin and Popping Pills

Philip Seymour Hoffman drugsOscar-winning paleface Philip Seymour Hoffman just got out of a detox facility for a drug problem that started with prescription drugs and “recently escalated to snorting heroin,” according to TMZ.

In 2006, Hoffman told 60 Minutes that he sniffed, injected and shallowed a whole mess of narcotics in his college days at NYU over two decades ago. “It was all that [drugs and alcohol], yeah. It was anything I could get my hands on … I liked it all,” he said. “I went [to rehab], I got sober when I was 22 years old.”

The recent lapse lasted only a week, and he’s already back to work on a movie overseas.

Hoffman is set to appear in The Hunger Games: Catching Fire this fall. (Holler if you’re excited!)

Lea Michele Not Planning on Dumping Cory Monteith While He’s in Rehab

Lea Michele Cory Monteith dinnerKind and generous soul Lea Michele has decided not to kick boyfriend Cory Monteith to the curb after he checked himself into rehab for substance abuse.

“I love and support Cory and will stand by him through this,” she says, as if she were the wife of a politician who cheated on her with an underage Thai boy. “I am grateful and proud he made this decision.”

Monteith first entered rehab when he was 19 and has described himself as a heavy drinker since age 13 who did “every and any drug” he could get his hands on.

You know those awful people who hate Anne Hathaway for no reason besides that she’s too “actressy?” I may feel that way about Lea Michele, and I don’t want to.  Continue reading “Lea Michele Not Planning on Dumping Cory Monteith While He’s in Rehab”

Lindsay Lohan Caught Drinking Vodka in the Darkest Crevices of California

Lindsay Lohan in the mirror“Sources close to” Lindsay Lohan say she spent a large chunk of her week drinking in spite of just being ordered to go to rehab for being a dirty alcoholic by a judge in Los Angeles.

When they say the sources are close I think they are literally in her vicinity, and are in no way her friends, though I could be wrong. Anyway, some fellow winos claim to have spotted Lindsay pouring vodka into her gullet at AV Nightclub and her Beverly Hills hotel on Monday, then again on Saturday at FLUXX in San Diego.

The surprising part is obviously not that she’s drinking, but that she flew or drove two hours to San Diego for cocktails.  Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Caught Drinking Vodka in the Darkest Crevices of California”

Octomom’s In Rehab For a Wacky Xanax Addiction

Nadya Suleman has a Xanax addiction and is paying for a stint in rehab with the money she made on her solo porn, you know, the one her oldest son Elijah watched on his phone all casual like it was an extra apocalyptic director’s cut of Prometheus.

Octomom checked into Chapman House Drug Rehabilitation Center in SoCal, dividing her 14 churrens and handing them out to three desperate nannies and two drama-seeking friends (you are who you hang with).

“Nadya wanted to get off the Xanax she was prescribed by her doctor and learn to deal with her stress, exhaustion and anxiety with professional help with a team of doctors,” Her rep said in a statement.

Is anyone not surprised or worried that she was taking anti-anxiety medication?  Continue reading “Octomom’s In Rehab For a Wacky Xanax Addiction”

Billie Joe Armstrong Smashes Guitar, Says “Fuck” At Least Ten Times, Then Checks Into Rehab

Billie Joe Armstong is SO punk. If your definition of “punk” is similar to Avril Lavigne’s. You know, smashing guitars, dissing fellow pop stars, and expressing yourself with your middle finger and the word “fuck,” just in case the audience is deaf.

Late Friday night an especially enraged Billie Joe performed at the iHeartRadio Festival in Vegas. Usher’s set ended up running long, causing Green Day‘s to be cut short.

“You’re gonna give me one minute?! Let me tell you something, I’ve been around since fucking nineteen eighty fucking eight, and you’re gonna give me one minute?! You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!” he yelled after being told to wrap it up.  Continue reading “Billie Joe Armstrong Smashes Guitar, Says “Fuck” At Least Ten Times, Then Checks Into Rehab”

LeAnn Rimes In A Facility For ‘Emotional Issues’ Relating To Cyber-Bullying

Country singer LeAnn Rimes is having trouble dealing with the stress of fame, particularly those who would call her out for having an extramarital affair with D-list actor Eddie Cibrian.

Cibrian, Rimes’ current husband, was married to F-list model Brandi Glanville (who later joined the cast of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) when they began their relationship, and Rimes has unraveled at the public’s constant “homewrecker” nagging since 2009.

If the weight loss wasn’t a big enough sign, LeAnn is now in a non-traditional rehab-like facility to help her cope with adversity.

TMZ is reporting that she is allowed to leave on weekends, and use the phone.

Continue reading “LeAnn Rimes In A Facility For ‘Emotional Issues’ Relating To Cyber-Bullying”

Whitney’s ‘Sparkle’ And Bobbi Kristina’s Intervention

A spurt of Whitney Houston news has graced the net in recent days, the full toxicology and autopsy report, a movie trailer for Sparkle and an intervention for her and Bobby Brown’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina.

Bobby emphasis on the “y” is facing up to a year for his DUI while RadarOnline reports about the gathering for his daughter’s marijuana, pill, and alcohol problems.

A source claims that Clive Davis went so far as to offer to help launch her music career if she goes to rehab, saying:

“Everyone is worried sick about Krissy…her aunt Pat got a number of her friends and family to come to Atlanta and have a serious talk with her about her sobriety. There were lots of tears, but Bobbi Kristina didn’t listen.”  Continue reading “Whitney’s ‘Sparkle’ And Bobbi Kristina’s Intervention”

Mike Sorrentino Is In A Pills, Rehab And Rumors Type Of Situation

First everyone was like ‘The Situation is in rehab’ and now they’re like ‘oh wait, he’s not, but let’s just pretend because it’s a good story.’

Unless he IS at Cirque Lodge and somehow Tweeting from there even though rehabilitation facilities do not allow cell phones or computer use. (There’s always the chance that someone is ghost-tweeting for him?)

He wrote a message on Tuesday night and then again on Wednesday saying to “Not believe everything you hear, especially from TMZ” then posted a message on his website reading:

“I want to set the record straight. I have voluntarily taken steps to get control of a prescription medication problem I had due to exhaustion. 

“I have spent the past several weeks getting treatment for this problem and recuperating from my work and appearance schedule.  I appreciate my fans support and love you guys.”  Continue reading “Mike Sorrentino Is In A Pills, Rehab And Rumors Type Of Situation”

Rest in Peace Miss Winehouse. You Were a Fucking Genius.

Amy Jade Winehouse
September 14th, 1983-July 23rd 2011

If you were to ask me a few months ago what celebrity was most likely to not make it to the age of 30, I would have thought about it for less than two minutes, and then said “Amy Winehouse.” My second guess would have been Lindsay Lohan, though we all know LL isn’t quite spiralling down a glass pipe smoke slide in the same way that Amy Winehouse was. This chick was in St. Lucia for over a year, becoming more and more bizarre with the release of each tabloid. Ex-husband drama, weight issues, drugs, breast implants…

…The great thing is, nobody cared about any of that even a fraction as much as they cared about news of new material. Amy Winehouse made two CDs in her lifetime. Her first, Frank, out in 2003, was more of an experimental growing process for Winehouse.

Her second, Back To Black was another story. Like Lady Gaga’s The Fame or Adele’s 21, Back To Black become a huge part of pop culture. The crucial time had arrived when actually going to rehab was simply a better option for celebrities. Plus, it boosted morale to venture to Cirque Lodge or Promises. For a celebrity, it signified improvement. “I am better, I am checking into rehab, I admitted my problem and am seeking help.”

Continue reading “Rest in Peace Miss Winehouse. You Were a Fucking Genius.”