Rihanna Trolls Instagram User Who Trolled Her

Rihanna highwayRihanna’s a badass, right? Like, she has a tiny gun tattooed under her armpit and she sings about being “so hard” and shooting men. Rum pum pum pum eh eh oh oh?

One of the many people who forgot she was a gangster with a Penguin-style umbrella arsenal called her family members “retarded” on Instagram. Rihanna noticed this and posted a photo of the user next to a goat, asking her millions and millions of Twitter and Instagram followers to spot the differences.

“Can you spot the 3 things that are different in these pics? Chile, it’s time to privatize that account,” Rihanna wrote in response to ms_kasharna1, a woman who reportedly trolled her in the past by saying she looked “dirty” and needed to be punched by Chris Brown again.  Continue reading “Rihanna Trolls Instagram User Who Trolled Her”

Rihanna Calls a Toddler her ‘N*gga,’ Goes Topless on Instagram for the Trillionth Time

Rihanna topless instagram 2013 A small portion of Rihanna’s fans became upset after their blunty Bajan queen referred to a young boy as her “lil’ nigga” over the 4/20 weekend.

I’ve never minded the use of the word by black men or women. I also don’t care if Jewish Americans or members of the Hispanic community make fun of themselves in what could be considered a derogatory way. To me, it’s all like calling yourself fat. You can do it. Other people can’t.

That being said, she’s calling someone else that, and it’s a child.

Maybe only old white fogies consider things like this controversial. Maybe I’m too liberal for not caring. Who knows.

On to other things conservative crackers frown upon. Rihanna posed topless on Instagram prior to a concert in Atlanta, which isn’t news at all. (Text me when she breaks out the burka.)

Emilia Clarke and Five Other Entertainers Who Look Stunning Without Makeup

Emilia Clarke no makeup
Brunette Emilia Clarke, best known as Daenerys of House Targaryen on Game of Thrones, posted this beautiful bare-faced photo to her personal Facebook page 4/09/13.
Rihanna no makeup
Rihanna, who prefers bright lipstick to excessive foundation and eyeliner, often gives fans a glimpse of her natural self on Instagram.
Demi Lovato no makeup
The X-Factor judge and “Heart Attack” singer Demi Lovato encouraged her Twitter followers to “be brave” and take off their makeup earlier this month. Continue reading “Emilia Clarke and Five Other Entertainers Who Look Stunning Without Makeup”

Your Easter Prayers Have Not Been Answered: Rihanna and Chris Brown Are Still Together

Chris Brown Rihanna instagram togetherMy day was made and unmade in a matter of hours. Upon waking, I heard a wonderful rumor from the radio station Power 106, who reportedly Tweeted that Chris Brown and Rihanna had broken up.

I was already making plans to paint his face on a dozen eggs, which I would then set on the sidewalk and crush with my feet and possibly a sledgehammer. By breakfast, I unrealized this dream when I read that Chris had favorited a Tweet from a woman who said the comments he made to Big Boy on air were as old as the dirt on Jesus’s abs.

“@chrisbrown and @rihanna are still together… that video was from like forever long ago.. their still getting married. sadly,” Lissette Ortiz wrote.  Continue reading “Your Easter Prayers Have Not Been Answered: Rihanna and Chris Brown Are Still Together”

Trailer: Battlefield 4

Electronic Arts officially released the trailer for Battlefield 4, featuring a dubstep version of Jay-Z’s “Run This Town” (sung mainly by Rihanna), this week after it was leaked to YouTube.

Battlefield games are realistic, beautifully rendered and only a little less fun to play than Call of Duty.

Continue reading “Trailer: Battlefield 4”

Video: Jen Miller – “Stay” (Rihanna Cover)

Lately, Ohio indie artist Jen Miller has been busy promoting her EP, Forget The Dirty Hearts, but she’s back on YouTube with new music. A cover of Rihanna’s latest single “Stay.”

“Not usually a massive fan of Top 40 songs but I really, really love this song,” Miller (Jenerally Speaking, on Facebook) wrote. (I still have NO IDEA why she hasn’t been signed to a major label.)

Rihanna Remedies Mother’s Disapproval of Her Lack of Pants

Rihanna two pants After telling Elle UK all about her mother’s wrath over nude Instagram pics posted last December by best friend/personal assistant Melissa Forde, Rihanna has dropped the “Look ma, no pants!” act for double-stacked jeans.

The look was debuted at the launch of her River Island clothing line in London. Reminds me of the time Britney Spears wore a thong on the outside of her clothes in the “I’m A Slave 4 U” video. A few too many steps ahead of pulling your underwear up until you smell smoke from the friction fire in your genitals. It was a trend about as likely to spread as dark on light denim. She sort of makes it work. But who else could?  Continue reading “Rihanna Remedies Mother’s Disapproval of Her Lack of Pants”

I bet she gets killed at the end…

Rihanna Law and orderIn a story that’s only a couple years late (it happened in 2009), Law and Order: SVU is looking to capitalize on the Chris Brown’s Grammy night assault of then (and now current?) girlfriend Rihanna. Here’s the episode summary:

A promising singer is brutally attacked by her boyfriend, a popular hip hop star. ADA Barba (guest star Raul Esparza) works to build a case, but the victim refuses to aid the prosecution and, despite Detective Benson’s (Mariska Hargitay) best efforts, continues to put herself in danger. The case quickly spirals into a media circus, perpetrated by both the defendant and his uncompromising attorney (guest star Jeffrey Tambor).  Continue reading “I bet she gets killed at the end…”

Chris Brown ‘More Violent’ Than Oscar Pistorius!??

Chris Brown/Oscar PistoriusWoman-beater Chris Brown was deemed “more violent” than woman-murderer Oscar Pistorius in a recent poll by on TMZ.

A shocking 55% of readers came to this conclusion after being asked a variety of basic questions about Pistorius involving fairness in the trial and his temperament.

So assuming Pistorius, now out on bail, did intentionally shoot his girlfriend (85% think so), we’re saying domestic violence somehow trumps murder? Is it because it’s “easier” and somehow less brutal, at least in our minds, to shoot someone through a door? Would post-mortem photos of Reeva Steenkamp with a bashed-in skull change their minds?  Continue reading “Chris Brown ‘More Violent’ Than Oscar Pistorius!??”

Vin Diesel Should Stick to Driving and Being Buff

Vin Diesel singingWhen I was at Universal Studios last year I saw this whole Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift thing with pyrotechnics and cars flying out of the ground, I was like, “Where the hell is Vin Diesel?”

I’m aware he wasn’t even in Tokyo Drift, but whatever. I actually like him, and the whole studio tour would have been even cooler if he had popped out of a house on Wisteria Lane waving in his Riddick glasses.

He seems fun like Bruce Willis, if Bruce was bigger and not as good at acting. He also seems fun because he unabashedly sings questionable karaokeContinue reading “Vin Diesel Should Stick to Driving and Being Buff”

‘Fan’ Takes Chris Brown-Related Anger Out on Rihanna’s Knee

Rihanna bloody kneeOne second Rihanna‘s living Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own” in the corner of an L.A. nightclub opposite Chris Brown, the next she’s in London dodging bottles.

Rihanna scraped up her knee on a metal grate after partying it up with socialite model/Rita Ora bestie Cara Delvingn at a place called The Box. Eyewitnesses say a fan of unspecified gender threw an energy drink at her and scolded her for dating Chris Brown.

In a surprising twist, Rihanna went on a date with the fan the next day, then went on Good Morning America to talk about how wrong it was to forgive him/her, stayed away for a few years, then said ‘f*ck the people who care about me haters’ and went back to the verbally abusive bottle-tosser.  Continue reading “‘Fan’ Takes Chris Brown-Related Anger Out on Rihanna’s Knee”

Video: Rihanna – “Stay” Feat. Mikky Ekko

Bobby Darin’s “Splish Splash” began as a bet, on the premise that he could not write a song that began with “Splish Splash, I was takin’ a bath.” Coincidentally, all Rihanna songs and videos begin as bets.

“Hey Rihanna, I bet you can’t sell a billion copies of a song with groans and ‘ehs’ instead of words.” “Hey Rihanna, I bet you can’t make a video where you never leave a cloudy bathtub.” But she did.

Continue reading “Video: Rihanna – “Stay” Feat. Mikky Ekko”

Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys

jennifer lopez grammy leg
The Grammys are boring, but you and I, we can pretend they’re not by focusing less on the gaudy “rock” and country music and more on the scandals, bad outfits and cleavage.

These are the most headline-worthy celebrities at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards

1. Jennifer Lopez

J-Lo joked onstage that she couldn’t give a cougarf*cking Casper Smart about CBS’s prude dress code memo, delivering a big f-you in the form of a giant, puffy genital-exposing gam.  Continue reading “Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [2-7-13]

Chris Brown Rihanna courtRihanna stands by her abusive, obnoxious man. Goes to court with Chris Brown. (Daily Mail)

She also ruined Selena Gomez‘s relationship by sleeping with young Justin Bieber… (Jezebel)

Yoda, Jabba and Chewbacca makeup artist Stuart Freeborn dead at 98. (Huffington Post)

Oxygen’s latest modeling show has Naomi Campbell saying “You are not the face!” (Gawker)

John Travolta sex lawsuit dropped, probably never groped anyone on a cruise ship. (Evil Beet)

Ex-cop/LL Cool J lookalike wanted for shooting and killing three people in Los Angeles. (CBS)

New couple/sleepover alert: Adam Brody and Leighton Meester. Blair & Seth forever. (Us Weekly)

Rihanna Calls Chris Brown ‘A Mistake,’ Says She’ll Leave If He Hits Her Again

Rihanna Rollingstone 2013 Usually we read short paragraphs about Rihanna‘s relationship with Chris Brown in fairly spaced-out interviews.

Her latest, in Rolling Stone, is the anabolic-steroid version of that.

As in, MORE paragraphs about why Chris Brown is good for her which equals MORE hair-pulling from my side (and my “side” includes Lena Dunham, who doesn’t have very much hair to spare).

Former Wendy’s clown Rihanna says she’s positive that Chris Brown will never hit her again.

“He doesn’t have the luxury of f**king up again,” she tells RS contributing editor Josh Eells. “That’s just not an option. I can’t say that nothing else will ever go wrong. But I’m pretty solid in the knowing that he’s disgusted by that. And I wouldn’t have gone this far if I ever thought that was a possibility.”  Continue reading “Rihanna Calls Chris Brown ‘A Mistake,’ Says She’ll Leave If He Hits Her Again”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [12-26-12]

Chris Brown Rihanna Staples CenterRihanna and Chris Brown eat popcorn and smile at Staples Center. (NY Daily News)

Santa John makes orgasm face as he gives Katy Perry a guitar. (Us Weekly)

Jennifer Lopez plays pants-less soccer to make her boyfriend feel older. (Radar Online)

Another baby confirmed for Jessica Simpson and Eric “Jedi Sperm” Johnson. (Jezebel)

Queen Elizabeth wearing 3D glasses = best photo of all time. (Huffington Post)

Glee/New Normal/American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy also has a kid. (Celebuzz)

Uma Thurman thinks Kill Bill is a pretty okay movie. Would do a third one. (Amy Grindhouse)

Merry Christmas From Barbados!

Rihanna Christmas cardI’m not in Barbados, you’re not in Barbados, we’re all not in Barbados. Except for Rihanna, who wants you to know that she’s there, soaking up the sun and enjoying the holidays and Caribbean Dream chronic on a wicker chair.

I honestly can’t say that I’m jealous. She may be avoiding the eggnog-related car crashes and last-minute shoppers, but she’s also with her family. And that’s where I am too. Christmas is always great because I get to go to the movie theater, eat sugar in excess, open presents and spend time with the people I love in the same day. Honestly, what could be better than listening to my mom read eccentric New York Times articles about frogs?  Continue reading “Merry Christmas From Barbados!”