Paris Hilton and River Viiperi Struggle to Look Modelesque Underwater

Paris Hilton scuba diving While reminiscing about her last trip to Hawaii, Paris Hilton posted a few Instagram pictures of her and her model boyfriend, River Viiperi, doing what they do best: looking huge and hot while getting skin cancer and ruining their livers.

The caption for this one read “Can’t wait to go scuba diving again with @RealRiverViiperi. Feel like a mermaid under the sea. #Maui”

The thing is, the goggles and breathing tube make it really hard to look like King Triton’s sexy underwater mistress.

I could, on the other hand, believe that she’s been drugged (possibly by Patrick Bateman or Robert Pattinson) and is about to be sold to into slavery at the Ukrainian fish market.

Paris Hilton Sees Photo Op in Boyfriend’s Misery

Paris Hilton boyfriend injurySay you and your significant other are skiing in Lake Tahoe and he or she falls and splits their lower leg open to the point where the bone is exposed and it looks like a pair of dentures wrapped in a tomato…

Do you rush to their side and never leave it, or do use the paramedics’ snowmobile as a prop in your twisted photo shoot while your mangled lover bleeds in the background?

Throw some custom-made Chanel goggles into the mix and you’ve got sociopath-socialite Paris Hilton in the previously mentioned scenario. To be fair, I think that is actually her “sad face.”  Continue reading “Paris Hilton Sees Photo Op in Boyfriend’s Misery”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [12-9-12]

river viiperi Paris Hilton poolParis Hilton river viiperi pool
Watch out Paris, the viper shark in your pool looks evil and famished. (ohmyGAHH!)

Sofia Vergara looks out a window with her two best friends. (Celebuzz)

$3.7 million dollar Lena Dunham book is about FUPAs and vegan dinner parties. (Gawker)

Peter Facinelli and his new girlfriend are breaking Jennie Garth‘s heart. (Yahoo!)

Watch the punch that knocked Manny Pacquiao on his ass, over and over and over. (Deadspin)

Kristen Stewart says she will steal Jennifer Garner’s husband in April. (Huffington Post)

“Can I piss on you?” seems like a perfectly legitimate thing to ask a Fox News producer. (ONTD!)

Paris Hilton’s New Boyfriend Is As Crazy As Her Other Boyfriends

If I told you that Paris Hilton making out with a girl in a club caused her new boyfriend to get arrested for starting a fight would you be surprised in any way?

Good, me neither.

A man told police that he was in the XS nightclub in the Encore hotel in Vegas when Paris started making out with his girlfriend…

Then, Paris’ new Spanish model boyfriend/fictional Street Fighter character River Viiperi attacked the random clubgoer guy with the bi curious girlfriend.

TMZ reports that Viiperi injured him “so badly” that he “needed medical attention” at around 2:30 Monday morning and that Viiperi was cited for misdemeanor battery without going to the police station.  Continue reading “Paris Hilton’s New Boyfriend Is As Crazy As Her Other Boyfriends”