Rob Kardashian Not Invited to Kim’s Wedding?

Rob Kardashian airport missed weddingThe least important Kardashian was not present at his sister’s elegant Italian wedding due to reported “major family drama” just a few hours prior.

If I had to guess, I’d say Rob couldn’t afford to buy the two seats on the plane for himself, or that he just barely missed the doctor-approved second trimester of pregnancy… but fat shaming isn’t cool even when it’s a man, right guys?

We always remember that people of privilege have infinite access to personal trainers, but forget that they also have unlimited access to Pringles.

Also not able to make the wedding, Jay-Z, Beyoncé and fellow lesser-valued stock member of the Kardashian/Jenner Klan and Matthew Fox lookalike Brody Jenner.  Continue reading “Rob Kardashian Not Invited to Kim’s Wedding?”

Khloe Kardashian Isn’t Schtooping The Game Behind Lamar’s Back

Khloe Kardashian and the gameDr. Dre protégé The Game debunked rumors that he is a “major threat” to Khloe Kardashian’s marriage because she jumped on his back once at a park.

Earlier in the week, Star Magazine and Life & Style reported that Khloe  spends night and day talking about, texting and thinking about The Game. Even when she’s in bed with her husband, she’s masturbating with a Nike shoe, dreaming about his face tattoos.

“Khloe is my friend. She is like a sister. We have never and will never be sleeping together. Lamar is my homie and her husband and I wish people wouldn’t spread such false rumors,” he told TMZ.  Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Isn’t Schtooping The Game Behind Lamar’s Back”

Let’s Fat Shame Rob Kardashian The Way Dudes Fat Shame Khloe

Rob Kardashian fatI’m not a big fan of the term “fat shaming” because it’s a word women who call themselves feminists use alongside the word “objectifying.” (Which I really hate, because let’s face it, a lot of women are willingly objectified for pay and it’s called commercialism, not rape.)

If I was a hairy-pitted, Tom’s Deodorant-using hippie who just happened to catch the latest episode of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami down at the Y, I’d go on about how everybody examines Khloe’s cellulite under a microscope but nobody talks about Rob Kardashian’s weight gain because he’s a man. (Really I just want to make fun of him.)

Continue reading “Let’s Fat Shame Rob Kardashian The Way Dudes Fat Shame Khloe”

Kris Jenner Watches Rob Kardashian Masturbate 24/7

Rob Kardashian fashion policeSome people get tattoos of fairies, butterflies and stars, while others go with hearts with the word “mom” in them. Rob Kardashian took it one step further in August when he got one of his famous mother, Kris Jenner.

Rob, who has a large sketch of his dad on his right arm, visited Fashion Police on Dec. 21 and was asked about his ever-expanding collection of ink by Joan Rivers.

“I put my mom, which is weird, on my right arm, which is my masturbating arm,” he told Rivers.

I would say he stepped off the ledge of what could be considered “appropriate” by society if he weren’t a Kardashian and therefore incapable of invoking surprise with incest-y jokes.

Rob Kardashian Gets Into Crazy Twitter Battle With Ex Rita Ora

Rob Kardashian Rita Ora black and whiteThe least valuable Kardashian got into it on Twitter with his ex-girlfriend, British pop star Rita Ora (often compared to Rihanna), calling her a a dirty two-cent sperm depository (paraphrasing).

On Monday, Rob Kardashian deleted a sting of nasty digs directed at Ora.“She cheated on me with nearly 20 dudes while we were together… But I mean 20?!!!!” he wrote. He later added that he was “disgusted” and wondered how a woman so busy starting her career could “have time to be with so many dudes while in a relationship.”

To make matters worse, someone on a fake Rita Ora account threw out the message “Rob’s dick was wack, I had to go get it somewhere else,” which he retweeted with the response “So you let me get you pregnant and you let others hit raw?”  Continue reading “Rob Kardashian Gets Into Crazy Twitter Battle With Ex Rita Ora”

Kardashians Cover Biggie’s ‘Hypnotize’

One of the most shocking moments in my young life came in the form of a harmless walk in the woods behind my house. I had taken to lifting rocks in the hopes of examining interesting bugs, usually ants or the occasional red centipede.

On this comfortably cool summer day on the Oregon Coast I lifted a particularly large rock and discovered a nest of baby snakes. They startled me mostly because there were so many and they moved so quick and pointlessly.

When I see the Kardashian-Jenner family I am reminded of that day. This is a group of creatures that never stop working, but for what cause I do not know.  Continue reading “Kardashians Cover Biggie’s ‘Hypnotize’”

The Most Inappropriate Kardashian TV Moment Ever?

“Inappropriate” and “Kardashian” in one sentence feels like a very redundant oxymoron. Anyone who watches the show knows this is one weird family, and I’m not talking about brains or selfishness.

The sisters (and Rob) are constantly de-pantsing and groping each other while talking in detail about sex and every other thing I would never consider discussing with my family.

On the finale of Khloe & Lamar, Khloe considers getting a DNA test to find out is she is in fact Robert Kardashian’s biological daughter.  Continue reading “The Most Inappropriate Kardashian TV Moment Ever?”

Happy Birthday Rob Kardashian! Here’s A Pic Of You In A Dress And Your Mom In Nothing

Rob Kardashian is such a lucky boy. His five sisters always seem disappointed in him and everyone forgets he exists until he randomly shows up on Khloe And Lamar, peering into the refrigerator, taking a nap or macking on Malika Haqq.

It was his 25th birthday on Saturday, March 17 and his lovely mother Kris Jenner decided that this was an opportune moment to post a naked pregnant picture of herself on her blog with the message:

“Happy 25th birthday to my wonderful, handsome son, Rob!! Rob, you are the best son a mother could ask for and you make me proud every day. I love you so much!!”  Continue reading “Happy Birthday Rob Kardashian! Here’s A Pic Of You In A Dress And Your Mom In Nothing”

Dancing With The “Stars” 2011 Cast

Today the supposed cast of ABC’s Dancing With The Stars was leaked to the public. I don’t watch the show, because the dancing isn’t quite bad enough (or good enough) to hold my attention.

I’d rather just see a bunch of youths doing backflips on America’s Best Dance Crew, because if I watch Dancing With The Stars I will be reminded of age, and nationwide embarrassment.

Light drumroll… the season 13 cast consists of:

Nancy Grace (Ohh I forgot to put HER on my witches slideshow!)
Ricki Lake (Y
ou was hot when? Ricki Lake. ((Nicki Minaj lyrics)
Ron Artest
(Nickname “Metta World Peace”)
Chaz Bono
(Cher’s son, neck-beard included)
David Arquette
(Screaming like Rocky, “Courtneyyy!!” Instead of “Adriann!”)
Kristin Cavalleri
(Her handbag is HUGE)
Rob Kardashian
(Wishes he wasn’t a Kardashian so he could fuck his sisters)
Continue reading “Dancing With The “Stars” 2011 Cast”