No Surprise Here, Breaking Dawn Broke Box Office Records

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 propelled to the third-highest opening day of all time just behind Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 2 and the second installment of Twilight, New Moon.

No surprises, whatsoever. Oddly, none of the Twilight films rank very high on the list of all-time highest grossing movies of all time, not like Avatar or The Dark Knight. Guess the Twi-hard momentum isn’t as strong as Jacob’s stomach or whatever.

I still wonder what movie of 2012 will make the most moolah? The Hunger Games? The Dark Knight Rises? The Avengers? Then there’s Prometheus, Snow White And The Huntsman, Men In Black III, American Reunion and Breaking Dawn Part II. Could be close.

Pattinsquatch Intimidated By Taylor Llamautner’s Bod

Elusive english Sasquatch Robert Pattinson revealed to the Latin magazine 15a20 that he was insecure about his sex scene with Kristen Stewart because of how hard Taylor Lautner (Llamautner) works out for his slutty werewolf role…

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Robert Pattinson Is A Big Rugged Sasquatch

The Twilight Manvira/Kristen Stewart kidnapper was spotted at LAX and then seen arriving in Paris at Roissy Charles de Gaulles Airport on Friday, October 21st with a big bushy Nord beard.

This villainous R-Patz face and chin merkin made an appearance in September but was thwarted by the heroic efforts of our savior: A PAIR OF SCISSORS, SHAVING CREAM, HOT WATER AND A RAZOR.

Plus restraints may also have been used to hold the British lycanthrope (werewolf) down for ultimate face-smoothing results.

I mean, it’s not like Robert Pattinson is ever without a little five o’clock shadow, not to mention eye bags deeper than Trump’s pockets and hair as greasy as Paula Deen’s skillet BUT beards are never a good idea…

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Kristen Stewart’s Glamour Magazine Doily Dress

K-Stew is the face of November’s Glamour Magazine, wearing only combat boots and her grandmother’s doily.

Stephenie Meyer, the Pacific Northwestern Mormon queen of fictional vampire pregnancies and tall sweating werewolves, conducted the interview – which taught us who Kristen prefers to watch Twilight movies with.

“It’s fun to watch with [Taylor] because we actually sit and watch it, me and Taylor are actual ‘Twilight’ fans, so we can sit there and be totally into it! Whereas I sit there with Rob [Pattinson]…he likes it, but he has just such a different energy.”

Yeah. Llamas are fun to watch TV with, so much more cuddly than big-haired Brits with quidditch brooms in their asses. By the way, want to hear Kristen’s relationship advice?…

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