George Clooney’s First Sexual Partner, A Rope

In Rolling Stone, issue #1144 starring coverboy/Ides Of March governor George Clooney, we learn that he had his first orgasm while climbing a rope in gym class.

“It was while climbing a rope when I was six or seven years old, I mean, nothing came out, but all the other elements were there. I remember getting to the top of the rope, hanging off the rope, and going, “Oh, my God, this feels great!”

Also, the secrets of his youthful spirit are mapped out. For instance, the words “Johnson” and “fart” never fail to draw laughter from the 50-year old actor/director/humanitarian,

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How Not To Get A Zombie Out Of A Well, By ‘The Walking Dead’

In “Cherokee Rose,” episode four of The Walking Dead season two, we learn a very valuable lesson, exactly what not to do when there’s a zombie stuck in your well. And, since I encounter this dilemma nearly every day, I figured I’d write down the anti-instructions.

Step One: Nearly forget to check your water source before drinking from it. At the last minute, notice shirtless mongoloid closed-eye fatty boom boom walker at bottom, poisoning your tap fluids.

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