I KISSED A DOUCHE AND I LIKED IT: Russell Brand Asked Katy Perry For a Divorce Via Text

katy perry and russellIn the new issue of Vogue, Katy Perry admits that her previous boyfriends were very intelligent but had more irreversible problems than abused shelter dogs. Her husband of just over a year, Russell Brand, divorced her in a text message, and it wasn’t until she learned the “real truth” that she was able to move on and date fellow jerkbag John Mayer.

“I felt a lot of responsibility for it ending, but then I found out the real truth, which I can’t necessarily disclose because I keep it locked in my safe for a rainy day,” Perry said. “I let go and I was like: This isn’t because of me; this is beyond me. So I have moved on from that.”

Katy needs to move to Oregon where it always rains and tell us what the hell she’s got on Russell.

I want to say it absolutely has to do with drugs or sex, but I guess it’d be more shocking to find out that he collects commemorative MLK stamps or eats cake out of the trash. Continue reading “I KISSED A DOUCHE AND I LIKED IT: Russell Brand Asked Katy Perry For a Divorce Via Text”

Funny Video: Kardashians Interview Russell Brand

To top off Monday’s Kardashian takeover of Chelsea Lately (with round table guidance from Kris Jenner), Kim, Khloe and Kourtney discussed a milk and period-themed encounter with Russell Brand.

“Kourtney is lactating and Kim is pregnant … and I am just like, raging waters,” Khloe said in response to Brand being “Vulnerable to the concept of a KKK threesome.”  Continue reading “Funny Video: Kardashians Interview Russell Brand”

We Get It Katy Perry, You’re WIDE AWAKE

Speaking of fairy tale fantasies… Katy Perry has a new video and even though I thought her gigantic glazed-over doll corneas were proof enough, she wants everyone to know she’s “Wide Awake.”

I guess this is her telling us that she wasn’t awake before (“Yeah, I was in the dark, I was falling hard”) and now she is. A reference to Russell Brand, again.

I wonder how many songs it will take for her to get over him? My calculations tell me we will endure at least another three Hot 100 Billboard Hits before she’s through. “Wide Awake” follows Perry through a labyrinth as she holds a lantern with purple hair (great dye job, for the 1300s).  Continue reading “We Get It Katy Perry, You’re WIDE AWAKE”

Actors With Girl Hair, Singing 80’s Songs!

I should briefly talk about the Rock Of Ages movie because I feel oddly obligated, maybe because it looks pretty silly and has a bunch of famous people in it. There’s no way it can be sillier than that Seth MacFarlane movie about Mark Wahlberg and the teddy bear that comes to life.

Rock Of Ages is based on a Tony-winning musical and thankfully, does not feature a stuffed animal that sounds suspiciously like Peter from Family Guy. It stars shirtless Tom Cruise, emo Alec Baldwin, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Mary J. Blige, Paul Giamatti and emo-er Russell Brand.

Continue reading “Actors With Girl Hair, Singing 80’s Songs!”

Katy Perry And Russell Brand, Most Surprising Divorce Of 2011?

Let’s do a divorce recap of 2011, Sinead O’Connor and Berry Herridge, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard, Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Fred Armisen and Elisabeth Moss and now Russell Brand and Katy Perry?

Besides the Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon split, this is surprisingly surprising. When they first got together in late 2009 yeah everyone thought it’d last 5 minutes but then people saw them together and changed their minds, right? It was true adoration blazing in Brand’s eyes.

Continue reading “Katy Perry And Russell Brand, Most Surprising Divorce Of 2011?”

Russell Brand Rejected By Canada, Postpones Show

Comedian/actor Russell Brand was denied entry to Canada by customs officials in Orillia, Ontario where he was trying to perform his stand-up routine at Casino Rama.

Mr. Katy Perry/blackbeard firework relayed via Twitter on Saturday night that he was unable to enter the country and that the show had been cancelled.

Brand was also rejected by customs in Japan in May of this year, and to the U.S. back in 2008 – due to his prior criminal record.

On being being denied access to America several years ago he told David Letterman, “I was turned out of this country, like a common criminal…” 

Continue reading “Russell Brand Rejected By Canada, Postpones Show”

Rest in Peace Miss Winehouse. You Were a Fucking Genius.

Amy Jade Winehouse
September 14th, 1983-July 23rd 2011

If you were to ask me a few months ago what celebrity was most likely to not make it to the age of 30, I would have thought about it for less than two minutes, and then said “Amy Winehouse.” My second guess would have been Lindsay Lohan, though we all know LL isn’t quite spiralling down a glass pipe smoke slide in the same way that Amy Winehouse was. This chick was in St. Lucia for over a year, becoming more and more bizarre with the release of each tabloid. Ex-husband drama, weight issues, drugs, breast implants…

…The great thing is, nobody cared about any of that even a fraction as much as they cared about news of new material. Amy Winehouse made two CDs in her lifetime. Her first, Frank, out in 2003, was more of an experimental growing process for Winehouse.

Her second, Back To Black was another story. Like Lady Gaga’s The Fame or Adele’s 21, Back To Black become a huge part of pop culture. The crucial time had arrived when actually going to rehab was simply a better option for celebrities. Plus, it boosted morale to venture to Cirque Lodge or Promises. For a celebrity, it signified improvement. “I am better, I am checking into rehab, I admitted my problem and am seeking help.”

Continue reading “Rest in Peace Miss Winehouse. You Were a Fucking Genius.”