Sarah Silverman on Vape Pens, The Emmys, Drunks and Bush Water

Sarah Silverman Howard Stern show 2014After listening to Sarah Silverman on Howard Stern for the zillionth time, I’m realizing that the woman famous for lines like “I don’t care if you think I’m racist, I just want you to think I’m thin,” is not only hilarious, but also kind of on the top of my previously non-existent list of celebrities I’d actually want to spend time with.

On the Stern Show (September 23), real role model and imaginary bestie Silverman managed to transform stories on superficial things like dating Michael Sheen, showering under her mother’s bush and vape pens into hilarious well-worded wisdom on aging and body image.

On her infamous, random Emmys speech:

I’m always obsessed with the thought that we are hurling through space right now.

Getting older:

I’m in training for the rest of my life to be able to walk without pain. I just want to be healthy.

My skin is the loosest it’s ever been, and it’s only gonna get looser.

Her scene in Masters of Sex, starring boyfriend Michael Sheen:

Ever since I turned 40 I’ve been naked in things. It’s just a human body and I just kind of am over it.

Sheen’s ex-wife, Kate Beckinsale:

You know what, it’s more like ‘Oh my God, look at all these beautiful women and he loves ME.

He and Kate are like brother and sister. I love her, she’s hilarious.


Marijuana vs. Alcohol:

People made a really big deal about it, and I feel like in a few years it won’t be a big deal. Listen, I think of myself as a stoner but the truth is, I’m a total lightweight. I’ll have a puff or two puffs at the end of the night and it’s so funny that’s such a big deal because I’m literally milling around with drunk terrifying people. Drunk people are so scary to me. I don’t even want to make eye contact with them, it’s trouble. They’re trouble. If you look at them the wrong way all their fears come to the surface. You know when drunk people go ‘Oh you think you’re better than me?’ and it’s like, ‘No, that’s what you feel and it’s coming out,’ you know?

I’m not someone who’s like, gonna crusade to legalize pot. It’s not important enough to me, but it is ridiculous. It should be legal. All that shit should be legal.

Continue reading “Sarah Silverman on Vape Pens, The Emmys, Drunks and Bush Water”

From Dot Matrix to ‘Fashion Police’: Why Joan Rivers Was the Best of Her Kind

It’s been two days since Joan Rivers passed away at the age of 81 after complications during surgery. After a week of crossing our fingers hoping that Joan might pull through, daughter and noted business partner, Melissa Rivers, was faced with the decision of taking her off life support.

A multitude of celebrities have shared an outpouring of supportive messages and stories about Joan, like Giuliana Rancic, who called her “The funniest woman” ever, adding that “She could put a smile on your face, instantly, no matter how hard your day was.”

So true, what better way to escape reality than listen to Joan Rivers insult people? I’m not being facetious, insult comedy is the best comedy. Anyone who says otherwise is Bill Cosby. And, not only was she a comedian, but an actress (who could forget her as the voice of the cockblocking robot Dot Matrix in Spaceballs?), an author and a Late Night host.

Joan was the female, television-version of Howard Stern, versatile as f*ck and completely unafraid to speak her mind and ask real questions. (A quality that almost got her blackballed from Hollywood.) I saw the most of Joan on E!’s Fashion Police, as a sanctioned truth-teller and critic of all things offensive to the eyes.  Continue reading “From Dot Matrix to ‘Fashion Police’: Why Joan Rivers Was the Best of Her Kind”

Matt Damon Gets Revenge on Jimmy Kimmel

Matt Damon Jimmy kimmelAfter years of Jimmy Kimmel teasing his audience with the age-old “My apologies to Matt Damon, we ran out of time” line, plus several cameos including one very memorable song, Matt finally, truly appeared on the show. Kimmel sat bound and gagged in the background as Damon acted as the host, Andy Garcia replaced security guard Guillermo and Sheryl Crow lead the band.

Damon pointed at Kimmel and then at himself saying,”Normally this program is hosted by that, tonight it’s being hosted by this,” and brought Jimmy’s real-life ex-girlfriend Sarah Silverman on the program, who roasted him by saying this about their relationship and why she dated him:  Continue reading “Matt Damon Gets Revenge on Jimmy Kimmel”