Ermahgerd I Need Somebody to Hibernate With Until ‘Game of Thrones’ Comes Back

With four major deaths and a fight scene just as epic as the Mountain/Viper showdown, the Game of Thrones finale was everything we hoped for except that it was only the 10th episode and that one guy who was evil but oddly likable totally croaked either by a crossbow bolt or a sword/falling down a hill.

But honestly, how on earth will you spend your Sunday nights now that Thrones is over??

I know I’ll be parading around pretending like this will be the finale that causes me to read all the Song of Ice and Fire books as soon as I have a free second. (Which is never, because I’m always busier scratching my nose until my brain leaks out.) Continue reading “Ermahgerd I Need Somebody to Hibernate With Until ‘Game of Thrones’ Comes Back”

What ‘The Hound’ Looks Like Without a Beard…

The slightly uneventful but still wonderful first episode of the fourth season of Game of Thrones aired last night and the unexpected star and winner of the internet for the week was none other than the king of one-liners, burn victim Sandor “The Hound” Clegane, who is currently on a mission to deliver Arya Stark to her dead mother’s crazy sister for a hefty sum.

The Hound spawned a bunch of memes after he closed the episode by spewing amazingly humorous dialogue about eating chicken right before beating up a roomful of thugs and getting Arya’s sword back (gifted by Jon Snow, nicknamed “Needle,” “Stick them with the pointy end” etc.).  Continue reading “What ‘The Hound’ Looks Like Without a Beard…”

Sue Me, I Thought ‘The Walking Dead’ Finale Was Really F*cking Boring

cargo container train car The Walking Dead finale
As anyone with a TV, Facebook or even the most snail-paced internet connection knows – The Walking Dead season 4 finale was on last night.

Considering how uneventful and equally or less exciting than every other non-finale episode, I’m baffled by the amount of websites that called it “shocking,” “exciting” and “brutal.” (Spoilers ahead.)

Carl almost getting raped? – not shocking because we knew it would never happen. Rick being reunited with the gang? – not shocking because we knew it would happen. Rick taking advice from a dead man…? No.
Rick and Daryl season 4 finale still
The real shocker was that nobody died. Not Glenn (dead in the comic) or Maggie (what I expected) or even the new characters, and that the craziest events of the season didn’t occur when the gang ended up trapped in a train car together, but two episodes ago, when crazy-eyed Lizzie exclaimed “Don’t worry, she’ll come back. I didn’t hurt her brain,” after murdering her younger sister.  Continue reading “Sue Me, I Thought ‘The Walking Dead’ Finale Was Really F*cking Boring”

Check Out Carl From The Walking Dead’s Older, Female Stunt Double

Carl female stunt double walking dead
The Talking Dead just taught us that 14-year-old Chandler Riggs, the kid who’s played Carl since the show’s inception in 2010, has a female stunt double named Ashley who, at 31, is 17 years his senior.

Apparently, Riggs outgrew his prior stunt double from seasons 1-3, Savana Jade Wehunt (The Governor’s daughter). In a snippet on growing up on the set, Riggs reveals that the rest of the cast often forgets that he’s a kid, and that his favorite part of filming was being able to wear Rick’s hat (“it keeps the sun out my eyes while I’m shooting”) and burning the crap out of the barn full o’ zombies in season 2.
walking dead stunt doubles season 4
Whoa. Is it just me or is Daryl’s stunt double is a dead ringer for Jack White?  Continue reading “Check Out Carl From The Walking Dead’s Older, Female Stunt Double”

‘American Horror Story’ Season 4 Will be Carnival-Themed!

An executive producer of American Horror Story – with its ever changing story and exact same cast – has confirmed that the fourth season will take place in a carnival with clowns and tigers and flaming hoops OH MY.

We also know via Ryan Murphy that filming will likely take place in Santa Fe or New Mexico and that Jessica Lange has been practicing a German accent for the upcoming season which will likely air in October.

It’s also Lange’s final year as Murphy’s muse. Speaking of her, I just watched Cape Fear for the first time on a six-hour flight to North Carolina to see my ridiculously amazing girlfriend who is totally the person to blame for me slacking on my blog  (yeah, I’m gayer than Richard Simmons a unicorn climbing up a rainbow with a dick in its mouth) and she’s in it along with then-Josh-Brolin-lookalike Nick Nolte.  Continue reading “‘American Horror Story’ Season 4 Will be Carnival-Themed!”

Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 4: Vengeance

Another month passes that I continue to slack off and NOT catch up with the Song of Ice and Fire books in time for a new season. In the new trailer, Arya Stark is planning to roast Lannister body parts kebob-style, leaving all the ignant non-book smart folk wondering if the Khaleesi and her dragons will beat her to it.

Meanwhile, Joffrey’s marrying the ginger with the good boobs and Tyrion is living in fear of his own family, but the queen is PROBABLY too busy making kissy faces with her boyfriend-brother to kill him just yet.

Get your finger on the remote/torrent downloading button – Game of Thrones returns to HBO on April 6!

Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 4

I’m still not caught up on A Song Of Ice And Fire because I can’t hold pizza and a book at the same time like I can when I’m watching Thrones on a TV the size of one of the Khaleesi’s dragons in my living room, but fortunately for me and my fellow couch potatoes, the season 4 trailer is out and it looks as fantastic as ever.

Joffrey’s still a turd, Tyrion’s still cracking wise, and the queen has been reunited with her favorite sexual partner – literal blood of her blood, Jaime Lannister. The remaining Starks are still scattered throughout Westeros and Emilia Clarke’s eyebrows are inching that much closer to King’s Landing. WATCH!!

Trailer: The Walking Dead Season 4

I have a slightly love/hate relationship with The Walking Dead. Not to the extent that I do Glee or The Newsroom, two shows that I continue to watch and have no idea why, but with TWD my expectations are high and my thought process is like:

“Derp. This season is just okay, oh wait, it’s good again!”

“Are they ever going to find that little girl?”
Michonne and Maggie
“Why doesn’t anyone kill The Governor when they have the chance?”  Continue reading “Trailer: The Walking Dead Season 4”

Judith Hill Eliminated From ‘The Voice,’ Significantly Less Talented Swon Brothers Stay

Adam Levine crossing fingersThis week’s elimination episode of The Voice, season 4, drove me crazy. If you watch, you know I’m talking about Adam Levine’s entire team being kicked off in favor of Blake’s three country bumpkins.

An understandably pissed Adam was scrutinized for saying “I hate this country” in a moment of frustration after Judith Hill, a former mother*cking backup singer for Michael Jackson, was voted off by America.

Usher sported big-rimmed Michelle Chamuel (love her) glasses in support of his unlikely protégé and Shakira almost fainted when her only hope, Sasha Allen, was announced as safe.

The biggest injustice of Tuesday night had to be the non-elimination of the novelty duo The Swon Brothers, who I doubt will have much luck booking a concert at a bar with a $5 cover charge in a few years.

Continue reading “Judith Hill Eliminated From ‘The Voice,’ Significantly Less Talented Swon Brothers Stay”

Trailer: Arrested Development Season 4

The Bluth family returns to TV screens on May 26th. And thanks to Netflix, you’ll be able to marathon all 15 episodes of Arrested Development instead of impatiently twiddling your thumbs each week.

According to Wiki, “The plot of the season focuses on the fictional production of a film based on the Bluth family scandal.” Returning guests include Liza Minnelli, Judy Greer and Mae Whitman.  Continue reading “Trailer: Arrested Development Season 4”

There Are Cyborgs On ‘Breaking Bad’ Now (Spoilers)

Okay, obviously the thing I’m about to spoil isn’t the fact that there are robots on Breaking Bad, it’s a show about a high school teacher who starts cooking meth, not some Star Wars fantasy.

The season 4 finale of AMC’s hit show had a very surprising ending, our protagonist Walter White finally sees his mortal enemy Gus Fring get what he deserves, though the scene left me visually shocked and perturbed…

Continue reading “There Are Cyborgs On ‘Breaking Bad’ Now (Spoilers)”

Why Is Snooki Still Dating That Jionni Guy?

After watching last night’s episode of Jersey Shore (season four, episode eight), I have to wonder why that adorable Chilean volcano sub sandwich is still dating that horribly unfun steroid pumpkin Jionni? During the episode, Jionni finally came to visit Nicole in Italy (taped in early 2011) and naturally she was as ecstatic as a 4’9″ guidette can be.

She immediately brought him to the smoosh/GTL impregnation room while he complained about wanting to “shower” in a high-pitched voice. Later, the whole group embarked on their usual quest to the Italian discotheque scene, wandering on cobblestones in high heels and gold and silver sneakers.

Snooki got all dressed up, in what Ronnie described as simply “a swimsuit…”

Continue reading “Why Is Snooki Still Dating That Jionni Guy?”

True Blood Finale Summary Quote


In episode 12 of True Blood season four on HBO, a bunch of the usual Sunday ridiculousness took place. Marnie is finally gone and three reoccurring characters died. (I think)

The summary quote for the finale occurs when a crap load of ghosts come out of the woodwork, including Sookie’s gran, Marnie, Antonia (the ancient witch) and later Rene and one of the people who died in the episode. 

“All my life I’ve been afraid.”

-Marnie, the whiny/obvious sorceress

and, runner-up to vampire Pam for,

“I am so over sookie and her precious fairy vagina.”

All the while, Bill and Eric are roasting like Boy Scout marshmallows…

Continue reading “True Blood Finale Summary Quote”

Sunday’s True Blood Summary Quote

In Episode 11 of True Blood season 4, the second to last – Pam, Jessica, Bill and Eric are about to decimate a nest of annoying witches when Sookie’s brother Jason runs up to them and tells them that Sookie (Anna Paquin) is inside and they can’t fire their weapons.

“Fuckin’ Sookie, as usual she’s in the goddamn way.”

-Pam (the wisdom-filled grump of the vamp world)

Sunday’s episode was crazy, I won’t ruin if for you, but let’s just say that something startling happened to Lafayette for the second time this season. (Entourage had a surprise ending as well)

Continue reading “Sunday’s True Blood Summary Quote”

Jersey Shore Season 4 Premiere, Recap! (Snooki’s Workout + Jwoww’s Botox)

That’s right, tonight was a very special night. Another important moment in nothingness. Season four of Jersey Shore has finally arrived. The show premiered in Italy with many questions to be answered. Well, honestly, I had no questions. I knew that 1. there will be a car accident. 2. The cast is just as stupid in Italy as in America. And 3. everyone is going to “smush.”

The show starts out in the unfiltered smog of America’s poorly-aged butthole err garden state, NJ. Nothing interesting happens until the boys and girls, Mike “The Situation,” Jenni “Jwoww” Farley, Vinny, Pauly D, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Ronnie and Sammi “Sweetheart” arrive in their new foreign home. Like everything else on the show, the new house looks like an imitation. A cheesy high-school project idea of what Italy would be. Marble, statues and pillars with red and yellow paint tossed in for good measure.

Continue reading “Jersey Shore Season 4 Premiere, Recap! (Snooki’s Workout + Jwoww’s Botox)”