HBO ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Season 5, Episode 1

Young-Cersei-Lannister

‘Game of Thrones‘ is officially underway, and as usual, showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss managed to make a lot happen in the latest 50 minute-long episode of the hit HBO series.

***Warning: spoilers ahead***

The season five premiere, titled “The Wars to Come,” opens with a glimpse of a young Cersei Lannister fearlessly convincing a friend to approach a witch’s hut with her. While Cersei doesn’t suffer the fate of fellow classic fantasy-characters Hansel and Gretel, it wouldn’t be a George R. R. Martin production without a little bloodshed and heartache.

“You’ll never wed the prince, you’ll wed the king,” the messy-haired sorceress tells Cersei after commanding her to prick her finger. “You’ll be queen, for a time,” she ominously continues. “In comes another, younger, more beautiful, to cast you down and take all you hold dear. The king will have twenty children, and you will have three. Gold will be their crowns, gold their shrouds.”

In one short scene, Cersei learns much of what we know about her adult life. From Margaery Tyrell‘s marriage to Tommen, to Robert Baratheon‘s bastard sons and her incestual relationship with Jaime Lannister.  Continue reading “HBO ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Season 5, Episode 1”

Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 5

All your favorite, scattered medieval peeps are returning in April and instead of finding each other they’re going to die get even more spread out! (See Varys and bearded Tyrion drifting towards the Khaleesi, Arya all by her lonesome in Bravos.)
  
Various websites keep telling me that season 5 may kill me be a “tough watch” for attached fans and Sansa is going to go through an “intense trauma,” so not only are more Starks going to die, but prepare to get bombarded with new characters like Oberyn’s daughters and brother, the High Sparrow and more!  Continue reading “Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 5”

Trailer: Breaking Bad Season 5 (Part 2)

The new teaser for the second half of Breaking Bad season five is Bryan Cranston fully committed to reading the sonnet “Ozymandias” while the camera pans to sandy New Mexico landscapes.

The poem thematically explores the decline of great men, which is fitting because already assumed Walt’s fate would have to mirror Dexter’s. (As in, happy endings are for Pixar?)
Breaking bad season 5 part 2 poster
I would say it’s the end of non-premium cable drama if Sons of AnarchyMad Men and The Walking Dead didn’t exist. No hate. Of course I’ll miss the show, but it just feels like the right time for it to end.

‘Glee’ Fans Will Mourn the Death of Finn Hudson in Fall of 2013

Finn hudson GleeGlee, [American Horror Story, Nip/Tuck and The New Normal] creator Ryan Murphy recently told E! News what his last conversation with Cory Monteith, who played Finn Hudson on the popular musical show and died of a heroin overdose last week, related to.

Unsurprisingly, it had to do with drugs, his job and a general unified concern for his life. Murphy was well aware of Monteith’s problem both past and present and discussed his reliance on narcotics.

“He wanted to continue working and we said, ‘That’s not an option. No. The TV show doesn’t matter, your life matters,'” Murphy said of the 31-year-old he described as “an older son.”

“His last words to me were, “I want to get better,” the Glee showrunner continued. “I always felt and continue to feel even in his death that he did, that he really wanted to fight it and he was humiliated and shamed.”

Continue reading “‘Glee’ Fans Will Mourn the Death of Finn Hudson in Fall of 2013”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-27-12]

Fairy babies, incest, and exploding vamps. It’s the True Blood season 5 finale! (Rolling Stone)

Emma Stone gets futuristic in new photo shoot. (Interview Magazine)

Playboy playmate Sara Underwood films sexual Carl’s Jr. commercial. (G4)

Rosie O’Donnell secretly got married back in June. (People)

Here’s a picture of a moth that looks a heck of a lot like a poodle. (Grind Tv)

Frank Ocean will perform at MTV Video Music Awards. (Idolator)

The sole male Kardashian is flirting up a storm with Rihanna. (E! Online)

Piers Morgan almost punched by John Edwards’ mistress Rielle Hunter. (Extra)

A million Princess Leias in one place. Of course it’s a Star Wars convention. (io9)

Lindsay Lohan may or may not have stolen a bunch of jewelry. (TMZ)

Bruce Jenner’s Clone Found On ‘True Blood’

I had the good fortune to notice that Bruce Jenner‘s lookalike was in season five, episode two of True Blood (“Authority Always Wins”). Bruce Jenner, if Kris Jenner finally decided to pour gasoline on him and toss him atop her $5,000 stove.

The vampire in question is a former nurse practitioner who was jailed by the fanged mainstreamers led by Roman Zimojic (Christopher Meloni) for eating babies, instead of delivering them.  Continue reading “Bruce Jenner’s Clone Found On ‘True Blood’”

Jersey Shore Season 5 Is Approaching

Jersey Shore wasn’t the same in Italy last season, plus it broke the number two rule of television…DON’T CHANGE THE LOCATION OF YOUR SHOW. That’s also directed at Weeds executives, who made the mistake of burning down Mary Louise Parker’s home in Agrestic, CA and moving to a bunch of weepy locations that made the actual viewer feel out of place.

Continue reading “Jersey Shore Season 5 Is Approaching”

Elizabeth Hurley’s Gossip Girl Cougar Action

Hey Upper East Siders and all that cheesy lingo, a new promo for Gossip Girl season 5 is out and it looks like “Nate” is going to be getting ravaged by Elizabeth Hurley. It goes like this,

Elizabeth Hurley, to Chace Crawford:

“Is this the master bedroom? Let’s destroy it?”

Hmmmmm, he’s 26 and she’s 46 but she looks 32 and so does he, so I guess it all works out.

Continue reading “Elizabeth Hurley’s Gossip Girl Cougar Action”