Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are Officially Done

Uh oh. Gwyneth Paltrow finally realized how bad Chris Martin’s music is…

Paltrow wrote on her newsletter website that they’ve decided to separate after 11 years of marriage, therapy (I assume) and two biblical/fruit-themed babies.

“We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate,” Paltrow wrote.

“We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been” she continued. “We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time.”

Continue reading “Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are Officially Done”

‘MUTUAL’ SEPARATION ALERT: Paula Patton Blurs the Lines Between Her and Robin Thicke

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton happyWholesome actress Paula Patton and her ass-grabbing, threesome-loving husband Robin Thicke are living proof that “separating” is the new divorce.

In a statement to People Magazine, Patton said that her and Robin “will always love each other and be best friends” but have “mutually decided to separate.”

I can’t help but think this is grown-up speak for, “we’ve had an open relationship since 2013, and I’m tired of it.” That would at least explain him turning a socialite into a human puppet and making out with a mysterious woman with an epic afro in France.

Continue reading “‘MUTUAL’ SEPARATION ALERT: Paula Patton Blurs the Lines Between Her and Robin Thicke”

Dwarf Divorce Alert: Danny DeVito And Rhea Perlman

After 30 years of marriage, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are separating.

The two met 42 years ago in 1970 and began dating shortly after.

Over the span of their marriage, they’ve starred in Taxi and Matilda together and have watched each other in Cheers and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. Let’s also not forget Junior.

A rep for the couple (who would be 10’1″ if they stood on each other’s shoulders) confirmed that they filed for divorce but did not cite a reason.  Continue reading “Dwarf Divorce Alert: Danny DeVito And Rhea Perlman”

Amy Poehler And Will Arnett Are No Longer The Cutest Couple Ever, Divorce After Nine Years

Adorable couple of comedy, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are separating after being married for nine years.

The Saturday Night Live and Arrested Development alums met in 2000 and tied the knot in summer of 2003.

They have two children (ages two and three) together. A source tells Us Weekly that the split was “very amicable.”

Not so amicable for fans. It’s hard to believe in a thing called lasting love when all my favorite longtime celebrity couples keep breaking up. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins (23 years), Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon (17 years), and Johnny Depp and gap-tooth lady (14 years).  Continue reading “Amy Poehler And Will Arnett Are No Longer The Cutest Couple Ever, Divorce After Nine Years”