Charlie Hunnam Insists He’s READY for Hardcore ‘Fifty Shades’ Sex Scenes

Charlie Hunnam suitCharlie Hunnam was accosted on Saturday at the Sons of Anarchy premiere by reporters who were completely uninterested in motorcycles. Instead, he was asked about sex scenes in Fifty Shades of Grey, which he says he is ready for because of an early role on Queer as Folkwhere he played the teenage boyfriend of an older man.

It was incredibly explicit sexual scenes with a man,” Hunnam explained. “I mean I’m 16 and 17 years wiser now. So if I could do it when I was 18 with a guy, I can certainly do it at 33 with a lady.”

He also assures us that he has boiling hot chemistry with Dakota Johnson, who will play Anastasia Steele in the movie adaptation of E.L. James’ salacious book.

“As soon as we got in the room and started reading with Dakota, I knew that I definitely wanted to do it, because there was a tangible chemistry between us,” he said.  Continue reading “Charlie Hunnam Insists He’s READY for Hardcore ‘Fifty Shades’ Sex Scenes”

Courtney Stodden Keeps Telling Everyone About Her ‘Personal’ Sex Tape

Courtney Stodden plasticCourtney Stodden must have felt a tiny pang of jealousy when she caught wind of the penguin exhibit at the zoo, also known as Farrah Abraham, because she’s now exclusively telling E! that she too has a sex tape. A “personal” tape of just her, solo, that no one will ever see because she’s not planning to release it or let hackers find it. “I don’t want to put any images in people’s mind; I’m gonna leave it up to you guys to think what you want,” she said.

This shocking outpour of modesty from the woman who consistently wears dresses smaller than Doug Hutchison’s bandanas has to do with her wanting to be better than Farrah Abraham and her self-released porn.

The sex tape her (and her creepy mom) keep talking about is not being shopped around to Vivid at this current moment in time because she still thinks she has a better career than some desperate Teen Mom.

Continue reading “Courtney Stodden Keeps Telling Everyone About Her ‘Personal’ Sex Tape”

Chris Cuomo Didn’t Go ‘EZ’ on Amanda Knox

Amanda Knox CNNPoor Amanda Knox. She’s been through the ringer. Wrongly painted by the press as a drugged-out hussy with a fondness for Satanic orgies, Knox spent four years in Italian prison after she was convicted of stabbing her roommate to death because of incompetent police officers who had no evidence and did not follow proper (or legal) protocol.

Almost worse than being falsely told she was HIV positive in jail by pervs who wanted details about her sex life: the recent string of American interviews she’s subjected herself to.

The worst of ALL interviews was conducted by CNN’s Chris Cuomo, who didn’t ask, but TOLD Knox that she was “into some freaky sexual things.” (Because that’s relevant.)  Continue reading “Chris Cuomo Didn’t Go ‘EZ’ on Amanda Knox”

Wladimir Klitschko is Murdering Hayden Panettiere’s Vagina Again

Hayden P boxer boyfriend When considering going through with vagina murder, you don’t book a meeting with an all talk, no-action noob like Amanda Bynes. You want Hayden Panettiere, because she’s a goddamn expert on getting her vagina murdered daily.

On Sunday, 5’2″ Panettiere was spotted at a Miami Heat game making out with her 6’6″ ex-boyfriend, Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko. To recap, they broke up in 2011 after two years. He said managing a relationship “between two continents” was too difficult.

In actuality, it was because a reverse penis pump had yet to be invented. I mean, can you imagine sex between these two? It’s soul crushing.  Continue reading “Wladimir Klitschko is Murdering Hayden Panettiere’s Vagina Again”

Vanessa Hudgens Sings About ‘Pretty Pretty Packages’

Vanessa Hudgens YLAProfessional Zac Efron merkin Vanessa Hudgens has a new single to go along with her bikini movie. In “$$$ex,” her first song since 2009, Hudgens reminds us what we were missing.

“Can you feel my hot sex, heart stop beating,” sounds suspiciously like “can you feel my heart sex.” (Because who’s going to choose a vag when you could just pummel the four valves?)

Favorite lyric #2: “Pretty pretty packages all in a row, sugar snap firecrack tied up in a bow.”

Favorite lyric #3: “Fifty in his pocket, a condom in his wallet, he’s not gonna sleep tonight.”

Continue reading “Vanessa Hudgens Sings About ‘Pretty Pretty Packages’”

Iconic Punk Rocker Richard Hell Gives Patti Smith the ‘Sexual Napalm’ Treatment

vintage patti smithRichard Hell, member of Television and Voidoids, recently wrote a book chronicling his life as a vital punk innovator. In one excerpt, Hell (born Richard Lester Meyers in October, 1949) describes his love for “Because The Night” singer Patti Smith…

“She was a natural-born sex waif and a pretty-assed comedian. She’d step out with her hand on her tight-cocked hip, all casual, if in-your-face, and jack out mind and body gush, giggling at herself like a five-year-old, under her deep-set eyes and her coal-black shag, begging to be f*cked, skinny as a rod, massive t*ts…”

Story time. I just went to a Patti Smith concert at the end of last month and it was amazing. Transformative even. I’d be inspired to start a rock band if I had a lick of musical ability and didn’t already have a job as the operator of a snarky gossip website. Continue reading “Iconic Punk Rocker Richard Hell Gives Patti Smith the ‘Sexual Napalm’ Treatment”

James McAvoy Hates Movie Sex Because of all the Awkward Warts

James Mcavoy shirtless fawnScottish actor James McAvoy has always loathed sharing sex scenes with Hollywood elites like Keira Knightley (Atonement) and Angelina Jolie (Wanted). In a new interview, McAvoy says that simulated humping is a thousand times more anxiety-inducing than regular humping.

“You wake up in the morning and you’re like, ‘Oh no, I’ve got a spot on my bum,’ or you’re in the middle of a scene and you’re like, ‘Oh no, is my breath weird?’ or, ‘Oh, no. She’s nice but does she think I’m trying to cop a feel?’ But I’m really not, I’m just trying to do my job,” he told Britain’s Marie Claire.

James also thinks he is generally weird-looking with a “wonky face” and “pasty” skin.  Continue reading “James McAvoy Hates Movie Sex Because of all the Awkward Warts”

Shark Week Sex Never Off Limits for Towel-Laying Maverick Billy Bob Thornton

Billy Bob Thornton Beverly HillsIf you haven’t already noticed, paparazzi like to ask celebrities a wide variety of strange questions.

Usually, they relate to a current movie or music project, or a scandal related to them or an acquaintance. Or sometimes, they just ask about tattoos and period sex.

While following Sling Blade/soul patch legend Billy Bob Thornton, a reporter for TMZ said “It’s Valentine’s Day, you’re happy, you’re about to be with your lady, you’re excited but she’s on, on her thing, are you still going in or…?”

Billy Bob hesitantly answered, “Oh, Gosh. Well, normally I don’t divulge that kind of information, but I’ve never been shy.”  Continue reading “Shark Week Sex Never Off Limits for Towel-Laying Maverick Billy Bob Thornton”

Rooney Mara Axed Reverse Cowgirl in ‘Side Effects’

Channing and RooneyWe often hear about actresses who are willing to do nudity that is “tasteful,” but we rarely hear what they actually won’t do.

In a feature for Interview Magazine, Rooney Mara says she draws the line at reverse cowgirl.

On a Side Effects sex scene with Channing Tatum, Mara explains that she “put her foot down”  when director Steven Soderbergh, who was also conducting the interview, asked her to try the position.

If the character should be nude in the scene and it makes sense and I trust the person making the film – and I regret my decision to trust you now that I know you more – then I don’t see a problem with it.

I certainly don’t want to be involved in anything that is gratuitous, but I don’t think the human body is something to be ashamed of.  Continue reading “Rooney Mara Axed Reverse Cowgirl in ‘Side Effects’”

Cameron Diaz’s Mentor Wants Her to Stop Bathing in Benjamins

Cameron Hair spermEveryone needs someone in their corner. Rocky had Paulie, Lisbeth had Mikael, Shaggy had Scooby, and Cameron Diaz has Gwyneth Paltrow.

According to The Sun, Gwyneth Paltula has disposed of Madonna’s dry, tasteless 54-year-old blood, placing her feeding straw against Cameron’s vital 40-year-old veins.

A source says Paltrow, who has tons in common with Diaz because they’re both blonde actresses, has “sorted out” her new friend’s finances and is forcing her to swear off sex for an entire year because men are a distracting waste of her time.

Really I just think Gwyneth wants everyone to share her boring married sex life. Or, she’s hoping her hymen will grow back so she can sell her into slavery. One of the two.

Emma Stone’s Ex Waiting for Right Moment to Release Sex Tape

Radar Online is reporting that an old flame of Emma Stone‘s has a sex tape but isn’t shopping it around yet because she isn’t quite famous enough.

A source says, “The tape remains in the hands of the person she made it with. But that doesn’t mean there’s any guarantee that it won’t eventually hit the market. The higher Emma’s star rises, the more valuable that tape becomes.”

Nobody has actually seen this mysterious footage and Radar’s source saying “Emma Stone has a sex tape and that’s a fact” hardly makes it true. Regardless, Stone’s comparisons to Lucille Ball can be applied here.  Continue reading “Emma Stone’s Ex Waiting for Right Moment to Release Sex Tape”

Jenny McCarthy Had Sex With A Tree, Blames Ecstasy

Thank you, Huffington Post and everyone else. “Actress Tried To Have Sex With A Tree” is officially the best headline of 2012 because it makes you want to read on AND it’s laugh-out-loud funny.

In her new book, Bad Habits: Confessions of a Recovering CatholicPlayboy favorite Jenny McCarthy writes about a time she took too much X in Hawaii and became turned on by everything, including the tree she used to hold herself up.

“The texture felt so good that I decided to rub my head and boobs all over it. It was a tree I was humping.” In another explanation of the affair, she tells Chelsea Handler:

“I took five at once, and I was rolling muh balls off.” Continue reading “Jenny McCarthy Had Sex With A Tree, Blames Ecstasy”

Measure B Makes Condoms Mandatory in Porn

A few days ago, Measure B also known as the “Safer Sex in the Adult Film Industry Act” passed, officially making it illegal for porn stars to not wear condoms in Cali.

The thing is NOBODY wants to see condoms in their whackin’ videos because people turn to porn for an escape and don’t want to think about STDs or see penises even partially covered.

Can you imagine if all the female “actresses” had to wear dental dams and /or female condoms? You could officially call The Valley the horror capital of America.

Porn star James Deen (The Canyons, with Lindsanity) and adult film PR guy Christopher Ruth both told the Huffington Post that the measure will force everyone to relocate, taking “thousands of jobs and tax revenue out of Los Angeles and California,” and they’ve got their eyes on Vegas.  Continue reading “Measure B Makes Condoms Mandatory in Porn”

Rod Stewart Used To Have ‘Ridiculous’ Sex Noise Wars With Ronnie Wood

In his new book Rod: The Autobiography (on shelves now), playboy musician Rod Stewart discusses his marriages, children, and long career both as a solo artist and as a songwriter/singer for Jeff Beck Group. One memorable excerpt relates to former Beck bassist and current Stones guitarist Ron Wood, who Rod shared living quarters with during sexy times with groupies.

“In the dark, behind the screen, going about our fumbly business, the schoolboy gene would kick in and Woody would make a ridiculous noise, and I would make an even more ridiculous noise, and then an escalating ‘ridiculous noise’ war would break out, culminating, frequently, in one or the other of us knocking down the barrier and burying the adjacent couple in a mound of luggage and chair legs.”  Continue reading “Rod Stewart Used To Have ‘Ridiculous’ Sex Noise Wars With Ronnie Wood”

27-Year-Old NFL Cheerleader/English Teacher Admits She Had A ‘Romantic Relationship’ With A High School Student

The teacher Andy Samberg’s character slept with in That’s My Boy could almost be based on Bengals cheerleader Sarah Jones, who recently plead guilty to sleeping with a 17-year-old.

Jones, 27, taught the boy at northern Kentucky high school early in 2011 and began an explicit relationship with him that involved sexting and actual sex.

Because of a plea deal, Sarah will spend absolutely no time in jail (because that would totally happen if it were a 27-year-old guy). On Monday, October 8 she left the courthouse holding hands with her now 18-year-old former student.

A happy ending, for him? Unless all that stuff about her having multiple venereal diseases from sleeping with every player in Cincinnati was true. But she’s a millionaire, so I’m sure she can afford a his and hers antibiotic lockers.

Continue reading “27-Year-Old NFL Cheerleader/English Teacher Admits She Had A ‘Romantic Relationship’ With A High School Student”

Ke$ha Has ‘Sexy’ Experiences With The Dead

Ke$ha isn’t exactly the Emily Post of pop music. She’s famous for songs about glitter and glory holes, turned into a cartoon mermaid in the video for “Your Love Is My Drug” and has a website called “Put Your Beard In My Mouth.”

The latest whiskey-flavored Ke$ha news kiblet relates to  a song off her second full-length album Warrior, due in November.

“I also have this song called ‘Supernatural.’ It’s about experiences with the supernatural…but in a sexy way. Well, I don’t know his name! He was a ghost. It was just like… I had a couple experiences with the supernatural. I’m very open to it.” she told Ryan Seacrest.  Continue reading “Ke$ha Has ‘Sexy’ Experiences With The Dead”

Shia LaBeouf Might Have Non-Simulated Sex In ‘The Nymphomaniac’

Shia LaBeouf says that his new movie, The Nymphomaniac, about a woman who “discovers her hidden erotic desires” might contain real sex scenes. Real as in not-at-all-simulated full-on insertion.

“There’s a disclaimer at the top of the script that basically says we’re doing it for real,” the Transformers actor told MTV. “Everything that is illegal, we’ll shoot in blurred images. Other than that, everything is happening.”

The film is directed by self-proclaimed Nazi Lars von Trier. Remember? He was promoting Melancholia at Cannes last year and spouted this nonsense:

“I found out I was actually a Nazi. My family were German. And that also gave me some pleasure. What can I say? I understand Hitler…I sympathize with him a bit.”  Continue reading “Shia LaBeouf Might Have Non-Simulated Sex In ‘The Nymphomaniac’”