Sign My Fake Petition To Send David Beckham to China

David Beckham China jerseyThe Mirror is reporting a story about David Beckham throwing his cleats, soccer balls and four kids into a bag and moving overseas to play for a Chinese Super League team.

Sadly, there is a 99% chance that this story is false (a line on a map from London to Shanghai is not exactly solid evidence).

“It was sheer rumour,” an insider told the South China Morning Post. “Shenhua has no financial strength to sign another superstar.”

I wanted David to go play with former Chelsea strikers Nicolas Anelka and Didier Drogba in China. The further him and his freaky fembot wife with the “sing and wave” button are from here, the better.

Continue reading “Sign My Fake Petition To Send David Beckham to China”

John Xenu Travolta Heals Broken Bones With Magic Scientology ‘Assist’

John Travolta angelJohn Travolta tells Celebrity Magazine that he helped a man in China who had broken his ankle in a car crash. Here’s where it gets interesting. Travolta performed an “assist” to speed up the healing process.

It involves Scientology, giving another man a rubdown AND it’s like that movie Michael. You know, the one where he’s an unconventional angel who brings dogs back to life?

“I was in Shanghai recently at a work event and the Master of Ceremonies’ best friend had recently gotten into a car wreck. He had broken his ankle and was in constant pain,” he revealed in an article brought to light by Celebuzz called “John Travolta: Stayin’ Very Alive.”  Continue reading “John Xenu Travolta Heals Broken Bones With Magic Scientology ‘Assist’”