Alec Baldwin Pulls a LaBeouf, Quits Public Life

Alec Baldwin announced what we already knew in an essay called “I Give Up.” He’s sick of being famous, hates the media and doesn’t understand why he keeps getting called a homophobe.

The three paragraphs about Shia LaBeouf, who, according to Baldwin, behaved like an insolent twat on the set of the Broadway play Orphans, are an obvious highlight.

He describes LaBeouf as a sulky, impatient little boy who “loves to argue.”  Continue reading “Alec Baldwin Pulls a LaBeouf, Quits Public Life”

Shia LaBeouf Did Us All A Favor, Wore a Bag Over His Stupid Face

Shia bag on headAfter realizing the spotlight was fading, two-time Megan Fox love interest and all-time douche Shia LaBeouf is desperate to remain famous. And how is he doing that, exactly? …By repeatedly reminding everyone that he’s NOT famous.

It’s a slightly brilliant ploy in a way if he actually has an endgame. (Like so many “artists,” he is probably just winging it.) Anyway, Shia wore a bag over his super worn-down backpacker face to the Nymphomaniac premiere in Berlin and walked out of a press conference after spouting a plagiarized line famously spoken by French soccer player Eric Cantona.

At this point, he’s not doing anything important and looks like a guy you’d meet at a hot spring, so why the hell not walk around with a paper bag over his head in public? (This isn’t even the first time, by the way.)

Shia LaBeouf: ‘I Am Retiring From All Public Life’

Shia LaBeouf bananaThe manchild whose career flourished with Transformers and died once he grew his hair out says he is retiring.

After ripping off graphic novelist Daniel Clowes and paying thousands of dollars to write a “creative” apology in the clouds,  Shia LaBeouf is bowing out from the spotlight. At least we hope he is.

“In light of the recent attacks against my artistic integrity, I am retiring from all public life,” LaDouche wrote on Twitter. “My love goes out to those who have supported me.”

How faint would the memory of him ever being famous be if he wasn’t doing things like announcing his retirement, skywriting, and acting like the entire world asked to see his penis and he’s simply obliging us?

Shia LaBeouf Might Have Non-Simulated Sex In ‘The Nymphomaniac’

Shia LaBeouf says that his new movie, The Nymphomaniac, about a woman who “discovers her hidden erotic desires” might contain real sex scenes. Real as in not-at-all-simulated full-on insertion.

“There’s a disclaimer at the top of the script that basically says we’re doing it for real,” the Transformers actor told MTV. “Everything that is illegal, we’ll shoot in blurred images. Other than that, everything is happening.”

The film is directed by self-proclaimed Nazi Lars von Trier. Remember? He was promoting Melancholia at Cannes last year and spouted this nonsense:

“I found out I was actually a Nazi. My family were German. And that also gave me some pleasure. What can I say? I understand Hitler…I sympathize with him a bit.”  Continue reading “Shia LaBeouf Might Have Non-Simulated Sex In ‘The Nymphomaniac’”

Shia In The Buff For New Sigur Rós Video

I needed to see Shia LaBeouf naked about as much as I need to have Quentin Tarantino fire a shotgun shell into my anus and out my pee hole for a Planet Terror sequel.

But here he is anyway, with his latest signature E. Honda haircut, baring it all. Who knew naked ballet could be boring? Good thing I learned to type in my sleep.  Continue reading “Shia In The Buff For New Sigur Rós Video”

Shia LaBeouf’s Hair Wants To Be Taken Seriously

Shia LaBeouf or at least, someone who has been identified as Shia LaBeouf, has been spotted at Cannes Film Festival. He is promoting the Depression-era Appalachian crime drama Lawless.

The movie, in theaters August 31, co-stars Tom Hardy, Jessica Chastain, Guy Pearce, Jason Clarke, Gary Oldman, and Mia Wasikowska.

Pop Sugar went as far as to call the duo of LeBeouf and Hardy a “double dose of hotness,” but I have to object…

Shia may be more proud (he said in an interview that he was returning with a “smaller hotel room” and “a lot more pride”) but he looks like a skinny Creed singer in an Easter Sunday suit.

At least he shaved, a few weeks prior. Jesus Chris, just move to Boulder Colorado already.

Shia LaBeouf Wants To Be Ugly

I’ve never been one of those LaBeouf fans that swooned over him for the two years that he was a big deal. He’s a mediocre actor (as so many are) and not as good looking as people say and I really hated Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and the second Transformers movie. (I didn’t see the third)

On that super harsh sounding note, he’s really not that bad or usually on my radar at all but now I see that he was spotted in this getup

Full ponytail, dorky faux Native American tunic and Oregon hippie beard.

OBVIOUSLY the kid is trying to be “ugly,” or it’s for a movie role, or both. It’s like when Brad Pitt grew that nappy beard that appeared to be housing a new species of bed bug, or when Johnny Depp starting believing he was a pirate/Keith Richards.

Video: Marilyn Manson – “Born Villain”

It’s no shock that Marilyn Manson’s new NSFW video “Born Villain,” gave me the creeps within the first 10 seconds for its eerie silent haircutting scene. The song is an upcoming single from Manson’s untitled eighth studio album, due this year or the beginning of next.

It’s also no surprise that this video is age-restricted on YouTube. Which just means you can still be 12 and watch it, you just need an account.

It’s less surprising that Shia LaBeouf directed this video, in all its whispering, skin-piercing, head-shaving, full-frontal glory.

Continue reading “Video: Marilyn Manson – “Born Villain””