Ladies, Adele’s New Baby Is About To Galactically Ruin Your Life

Four months ago, after she was noticeably pregnant in a way that was undeniable to the mighty lord Jesus Christ Xenu Allah Buddha Angelina Jolie Spaghetti Monster, Adele confirmed that she was indeed with child.

Yesterday it was announced that the lady who was once known solely for creating songs for women going through breakups while menstruating into a pint of Cherry Garcia, had created something else…

Yep, 24-year-old Adele and 38-year-old turkey baster Simon Konecki are “ecstatic” over the birth of their baby boy who resides in a lavish ten bedroom home in Sussex with his parents.

Continue reading “Ladies, Adele’s New Baby Is About To Galactically Ruin Your Life”

Adele Looks Like She’s Having Quintuplets

Adele and virtually unknown sperminator Simon Konecki were photographed wandered around London on Tuesday.

Girl is looking completely ready to give birth to a litter of hungry hungry hippos [with really excellent vocal capabilities].

The “Turning Tables” singer may have announced her pregnancy in June, but the human eye does not lie.

She is WAY more pregnant than a mere few months.

Ladies who have given birth in the past: give me an exact number? Six months? Seven?  Continue reading “Adele Looks Like She’s Having Quintuplets”

Bad News For Fans Awaiting New Songs – Adele Is Pregnant!

Adele announced the news Friday on her website that her and boyfriend Simon Konecki have conceived a baby…

“I’m delighted to announce that Simon and I are expecting our first child together. I wanted you to hear the news direct from me, obviously we’re over the moon and very excited but please respect our privacy at this precious time. Yours always, Adele xx.”

Konecki is the CEO of the charity Drop4Drop, which looks to help countries in need gain access to drinkable water. Hopefully his girlfriend has quit that nasty smoking habit of hers.  Continue reading “Bad News For Fans Awaiting New Songs – Adele Is Pregnant!”