Bruce Jenner Suffering From Skin Cancer ‘For Several Years’

Bruce Jenner nose cancerThe lone elder pole vaulting penis of the Kardashian Kamp was not punched in the face by Kris Jenner for failing to put his toy helicopters away after all…

After being photographed out and about with a bandaged face, Bruce Jenner confirms to E! News that he has undergone surgery to remove cancerous tissue from his nose, thus urging us all to protect our non-Armenian skin with handfuls of sunscreen and to steal wide-rimmed golf hats from that special old man in your life. (Be it a sugar daddy, grandfather, or clueless neighbor.)

“I was diagnosed with…Basal cell carcinoma and have undergone Mohs surgery to remove it,” 63-year-old Jenner tells the site. “I have been struggling with this for several years and appreciate all of the support and prayers while I continue to fight the battle against skin cancer.”  Continue reading “Bruce Jenner Suffering From Skin Cancer ‘For Several Years’”

Miley Uses Marc Jacobs Campaign as Excuse to SURPRISE … Get Naked!

Miley cyrus naked t shirt Miley Cyrus will take any paper-thin excuse to be naked and run with it. Like this Marc Jacobs’ “Protect the Skin You’re In “ shirt, to raise awareness for skin cancer.

In my mind, being naked is the opposite of what you should be doing for melanoma. Bitches laying in the sun naked are the problem. I mean the more naked you are the more it’s like a magnifying glass zooming in on your lumpy ass moles that you definitely have to go to the dermatologist for.

It’s good but completely unoriginal advertising in the sense that sex always sells. I mean, hell, it works for PETA and NOH8 and anything breast cancer-related. Guys on Facebook are like, “Tell me what color your bra is, it’s for breast cancer, wink wink.” SURE.  Continue reading “Miley Uses Marc Jacobs Campaign as Excuse to SURPRISE … Get Naked!”

Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks the Sun is Good For Her

Gwyneth Paltrow in the sunGood news, haters. Gwyneth Paltrow said this really atrocious thing to Cosmo UK about how the sun can’t hurt her.

I don’t know if it’s because she’s Blythe Danner’s daughter or because I have a weird uncalled-for obsession with the movie Duets, but I just keep expecting so much more from Gwyneth.

“We’re human beings and the sun is the sun – how can it be bad for you?” she said. “I don’t think anything that is natural can be bad for you.”

While I think she was probably just talking about Vitamin D, which has been proven to decrease the chances of heart disease, the wording makes me want to throw Apple and Chris Martin on a kebab.

Even if there weren’t massive holes in the ozone layer because people in the ’20s and ’30s made refrigerators and hairspray out of Krypton’s core, it still wouldn’t be good to sit in the scalding hot sun for the duration of a Madonna concert.  Continue reading “Gwyneth Paltrow Thinks the Sun is Good For Her”