Goth Icons Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton Are No More

Tim Burton helena bonham makeupAfter 13 years, two children and 7 movies together, epic crazy-haired witch Helena Bonham Carter and slightly less epic crazy-haired warlock Tim Burton have split up.

It’s a sad sad day, but I know most people’s first question isn’t “Oh No, what happened?” it’s “Who the f*ck is going to star in his movies now??”

What other spicy gothic British woman with dirty Renaissance thift store swag could possibly fill her shoes? Do we really have to wait for Kate Beckinsale to lose her mind, or will Tim Burton throw us a bone and continue to work with his ex out of respect for the craft and the fact that his movies will suck even more without her…  Continue reading “Goth Icons Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton Are No More”

Kelly Osbourne Spray Paints the Night Away After Becoming Single

Justin Bieber Kelly OsbourneKelly Osbourne took graffiti lessons from none other than Justin Bieber and posted proof of the event on Instagram on the very same day she announced that her and Matthew Mosshart would no longer be getting married.

“The split is amicable and the pair continue to have nothing but the utmost respect for one another,” a statement released to Us Weekly read. “Kelly is looking forward to a new year full of fresh beginnings. No further comments will be provided by all parties and we request privacy, decorum and space from the press but don’t expect it.”

Here’s my dream scenario, Kelly dates Justin and eventually takes him home to meet her dad, the Prince of Darkness, who promptly bites off his head off and spits it into a bowl full of Altoids Sours.

Waxwork Figure Breaks Up With Vampire

Courtney Stodden church clevage
Courtney Stodden, the young Playboy playmate that never was, has confirmed her separation from her actor husband Doug Hutchison, who she married when was just 16.

Stodden, 19, and Hutchinson, 53, say they remain “best friends” and will still share custody of their dog, Dourtney, despite moving on. From Us Weekly:

After two and a half years of marriage, Courtney and Doug have decided to become legally separated,” Stodden, 19, and Hutchison, 53, said in a statement to the Daily Mail on Tuesday, Nov. 5. “Courtney was married at a young age. Now, at nineteen, she’s interested in exploring life as an unmarried single young adult — with the freedom to explore her independence.”  Continue reading “Waxwork Figure Breaks Up With Vampire”

Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom Remain Best Friends After Breakup

Miranda Kerr Orlando Bloom 2013 Promising news for those of you wondering if you can ever actually stay friends with your ex: super mature and beautiful former couple Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom were seen strolling around the chilly streets of New York laughing arm-in-arm with their two-year-old son in tow just days after the world wept over their split.

The Aussie model whose boobs famously lagged out of her shirt earlier this year and British star of nothing recent confirmed the amicable separation on Thursday.

“Despite this being the end of their marriage, they love, support and respect each other as both parents of their son and as family,” a joint statement released to E! by Bloom’s rep read.  Continue reading “Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom Remain Best Friends After Breakup”

Ryan Seacrest Shaved His Beard

Julianne hough swimmingCowgirl Julianne Hough is “taking a break” from being Idol doormat, Kardashian zookeeper and On Air host Ryan Seacrest’s beard. Seacrest and Hough are reportedly no longer live together in the mansion he purchased from Ellen DeGeneres last year because of his busy schedule.

Word has it, Hough could not handle the fact that her sleek, well-groomed man-seal was mysteriously absent from the bedroom. “He never sleeps,” an insider told Us Weekly, adding that she couldn’t handle his “lifestyle.”

Origin story: after turning 18 and briefly dating Dane Cook, Julianne was pursued by Ryan. She thought he was gay, but dating Cook was enough for her to say yes to the ‘crest.

Continue reading “Ryan Seacrest Shaved His Beard”

Selena Sick of Bieber’s Scene? Star Couple Call It Quits After Two Years

If I was 12, I’d be really sad right now, or wait, happy? Looks like saggy purple pants Bieber (okay, I am 11) and non-ugly duckling Selena Gomez are no longer together.

E! News reports that “crazy schedules” played a role in the split, which a source says happened “about a week ago.” And that’s not all. Justin has supposedly been hanging with an underwear model:

Rumors that the adorable twosome had split started gaining traction in the last couple of weeks, but hit a high note just last night when Bieber, 18, was spotted seeing The Lion King on Broadway with a group of people that included 19-year-old Victoria’s Secret model Barbara Palvin.  Continue reading “Selena Sick of Bieber’s Scene? Star Couple Call It Quits After Two Years”

Amy Poehler And Will Arnett Are No Longer The Cutest Couple Ever, Divorce After Nine Years

Adorable couple of comedy, Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are separating after being married for nine years.

The Saturday Night Live and Arrested Development alums met in 2000 and tied the knot in summer of 2003.

They have two children (ages two and three) together. A source tells Us Weekly that the split was “very amicable.”

Not so amicable for fans. It’s hard to believe in a thing called lasting love when all my favorite longtime celebrity couples keep breaking up. Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins (23 years), Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon (17 years), and Johnny Depp and gap-tooth lady (14 years).  Continue reading “Amy Poehler And Will Arnett Are No Longer The Cutest Couple Ever, Divorce After Nine Years”

Free iTunes Cards To Anyone Who Knew That Chumbawamba Didn’t Break Up Ages Ago

I’m guilty of liking a lot of bad songs, and many of them are from the 90’s. I can proudly say that none of them contain the lyric “pissing the night away.” That doesn’t mean I wasn’t surprised to hear that “Tubthumping” Brits Chumbawamba announced that they were splitting up after 30 years.

You know why I was shocked? Because I didn’t know they were still around or that they’d been making music for 30 years and had made 15 albums since the 80s. I have to applaud them for sticking with it, I mean, they had the one hit but it wasn’t exactly something to be proud of and they just kept trying and nobody knew.

Maybe they were happy and have some sort of cult following that I also don’t know about. Goodbye, familiar non-friends. I liked that one song from the Stigmata soundtrack, if it’s any consolation.

Continue reading “Free iTunes Cards To Anyone Who Knew That Chumbawamba Didn’t Break Up Ages Ago”

Katie Holmes Filed For Divorce From Tom Cruise, Remains Tight-Lipped On Why

Turns out the third time wasn’t a charm for Tom Cruise, the rather shocking news is that Katie Holmes filed for divorce on Thursday, just days before his birthday. Friend and attorney Bert Fields told Reuters:

“Katie filed for divorce yesterday. Tom is very saddened by that, and right now he is concentrating on the kids…Tom wants to be very private.”

Holmes’ lawyer, Jonathan Wolfe, was the first to confirm the split saying, “This is a personal and private matter for Katie and her family, Katie’s primary concern remains, as it always has been, her daughter’s best interest.”

So, privacy and secrecy until one of them (or “a source”) starts leaking information. Maybe it was an amicable divorce. Maybe they fell out of love in the last year of their five-year marriage…

Continue reading “Katie Holmes Filed For Divorce From Tom Cruise, Remains Tight-Lipped On Why”

Tentative Futures For Both Blur And Gorillaz

The only two people in the world that would be happy about Blur and The Gorillaz no longer making music are the Gallagher brothers.

You heard right, Damon Albarn may be calling it quits on both of his beloved bands.

He told The Guardian that Blur’s performance on closing night (August 12) of the Summer Olympics at Hyde Park in London will likely be their last. When asked if there would be future shows he said “no, not really” and:

“I hope that’s the truth: that that’s how we end it. I don’t know: you can write scripts, and they always end up going…well, one thing I’ve learned is that everything I think I’ve got totally sorted out, and I know exactly what’s going to happen, never works out that way.”  Continue reading “Tentative Futures For Both Blur And Gorillaz”

No More Jennie Garth And Peter Facinelli

Twilight/Nurse Jackie doctor Peter Facinelli and professional 90210 preppy girl/What I Like About You sister Jennie Garth are getting a divorce after 11 years of marriage.

Though no official reason has been cited Facinelli told Us Weekly:

“While we have decided to end our marriage, we both share the same deep love and devotion to our children. We remain dedicated to raising our beautiful daughters together. We ask for privacy and respect during this time.”

Jennie and Peter have three daughters together, Luca is the oldest at 14 and nine year-old Lola and five year-old Fiona follow.

According to Scallywag & Vagabond, Facinelli had an affair with a Canadian woman that he met during the filming of Breaking Dawn.

Continue reading “No More Jennie Garth And Peter Facinelli”

John McCrea Reveals That Cake May Disband Soon

On Chris Hardwick’s Nerdist podcast guest John McCrea, lead singer of Cake, talked about the band’s future. Or NOT future. After Hardwick said, “Congratulations for still being around after all these years,” McCrea responded:

“I’m doing okay, I still sort of hate touring a little bit but you know, I’m thinking about maybe dropping out of the music industry one of these days, I’m not sure when.”  Continue reading “John McCrea Reveals That Cake May Disband Soon”

Is EVERYONE Getting Divorced?

Susan Sarandon and not-husband Tim Robbins, Katy Perry and Russell Brand, Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard, Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

Who am I forgetting? Oh yeah, Seal and Heidi Klum! Today TMZ reported that after 7 years the couple will split. Klum will supposedly file for divorce next week.

It’s particularly hard to know if they’re really separating because on one hand Klum posted a happy picture of her and her husband snuggling during a winter vacation in Aspen four weeks ago.

Continue reading “Is EVERYONE Getting Divorced?”

Katy Perry And Russell Brand, Most Surprising Divorce Of 2011?

Let’s do a divorce recap of 2011, Sinead O’Connor and Berry Herridge, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Zooey Deschanel and Ben Gibbard, Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Fred Armisen and Elisabeth Moss and now Russell Brand and Katy Perry?

Besides the Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon split, this is surprisingly surprising. When they first got together in late 2009 yeah everyone thought it’d last 5 minutes but then people saw them together and changed their minds, right? It was true adoration blazing in Brand’s eyes.

Continue reading “Katy Perry And Russell Brand, Most Surprising Divorce Of 2011?”

Demi Moore Is Filing For Divorce

That thing that you thought was going to happen five years ago, it happened today. Thursday afternoon Demi Moore broke the news to Associated Press that she was indeed ending her marriage to Ashton Kutcher, after six years.

The two began dating in 2003, and even poked fun at their own very noticeable 15-year age gap. In recent months the focus on their relationship had little to do with Demi cradle-robber jokes, and everything to do with Ashton’s infidelity with 22 year-old Sara Leal.

A photos of Leal and Ashton together surfaced, Leal described their dalliance in grimy detail, Demi Moore began losing weight from her already stickly figure THEN four days ago, a moving truck was spotted outside Ashton and Demi’s mansion in Santa Monica.

Continue reading “Demi Moore Is Filing For Divorce”

Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore Separate After 27 Years

The most low-key and notoriously grungy (yet pre-grunge) post punk, lo-fi, iconic rock ‘n roll couple have broken up!

The frontman and woman of Sonic Youth, who are now both in their 50’s and released their first album in 1982, are officially separating after being married for 27 years.

This also leaves a dark foreboding cloud over the future of their band, who may be greatly impacted (or ruined) by the break-up. A statement from their rep at Matador Records read:

“Musicians Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore, married in 1984, are announcing they have separated. Continue reading “Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore Separate After 27 Years”

Shakira Is A Single She Wolf!

Columbian superstar pop singer Shakira is single, after dating her 24 year-old soccer-playing boyfriend Gerard Piqué for six months.

Shakira, 34, reportedly kicked his Spanish (literally from Spain) black and white ball-squeezing ass to the curb after infidelity reports surfaced in the overseas media.

Shakira, who became famous in the states after her 2001 hit song “Whenever, Wherever,” split earlier this year from her agent/boyfriend Antonio de la Rua after 11 years of being together. (He s still representing her, in a business-like manner)…

Continue reading “Shakira Is A Single She Wolf!”