Tatiana Maslany and Rooney Mara Up For Big ‘Star Wars’ Role

Emmy-less Tatiana Maslany (Orphan Black) and Oscar-less Rooney Mara (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo) are both up for a leading lady position on the next, next Star Wars movie. NOT this year’s The Force Awakens, but the one from 2015 directed by Gareth Edwards (looking to redeem himself for the Godzilla reboot). British actress Felicity Jones (Autobahn, The Theory of Everything) is also screen testing for the job.

In a perfect world Mara, Maslany and Jones are testing for a role as Mara Jade Skywalker from Timothy Zahn’s awesome Star Wars books, the Thrawn trilogy, which should honestly serve as source material for any new SW movie.

Tell me you don’t agree after reading this description of Zahn’s Heir to the Empire:

It’s five years after Return of the Jedi: the Rebel Alliance has destroyed the Death Star, defeated Darth Vader and the Emperor, and driven out the remnants of the old Imperial Starfleet to a distant corner of the galaxy. Princess Leia and Han Solo are married and expecting Jedi Twins.

The Thrawn trilogy has been credited by many for keeping Star Wars going and was the only known remedy for people with debilitating post traumatic Phantom Menace disease.

In the off chance that they are actually auditioning to play Mara Jade, Google Image Search suggests we picture them in Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow costume from Iron Man 2 and The Avengers… 
orphan black attack of the clonesRead: Why Tatiana Maslany Should Be On Your Radar

Things Worth Noting from the ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Teaser

John Boyega star wars
Before sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner I ask my Mom how she feels about new Star Wars movies being made and I learn that she had NO IDEA about the George Lucas abominations made long after the good ones from the ’70s and ’80s.

She might be the luckiest woman on earth, and not just because I’m her daughter.
droid bot volleyball gif the force awakens
Anyway, the new trailer – which hopes to fully erase The Phantom Menace from our minds as well – features a scared black man, a bot riding around on a volleyball and a mysterious member of the dark side hunched over in the woods. (Space Voldemort?)An authoritative voice tells us “There has been an awakening.” How awake are we?

Continue reading “Things Worth Noting from the ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Teaser”

Rachel Bilson’s Baby Sadly Isn’t Named ‘Darth’ Anything

darth vader summer robertsSummer Roberts and Darth Vader had a baby together and named it Briar Rose, code name for Disney Princess Aurora of Sleeping Beauty, which is barely Star Wars-related and completely un-O.C.ified. (Was really hoping for Darth Roberts, Summer Vader or Darth Mall.)

Briar Rose, otherwise known as B-Rose, enjoys long walks on the pier, pouting, gingerbread lattes and electrocuting people with her chubby fingertips.

At this point, Hayden Christensen needed the baby to at least secure child support payments from Bilson once she divorces him for COMMISSIONER GORDON.

It’s a Darth, Darth Summer, leaving me here on my own…

New Star Wars Movie Will Be Called…

the force awakens memeDisney has revealed the title of the first film in an upcoming string of attempts to heal the damage caused by George Lucas’ last three sequels.

The official title is “The Force Awakens,” which sounds like the Eat, Pray, Love of Star Wars movies to me. Unlike, The Phantom Menace – which was written by racially insensitive preschool students –  and its follow-ups, The Force Awakens features original withering cast members and  J.J. Abrams as director.  Continue reading “New Star Wars Movie Will Be Called…”

Harrison Ford Injured by Falcon

Harrison Ford Carrie fisher behind the scenesTwo things I feared when I heard Disney was making new Star Wars movies: 1. They’re going to suck. 2. Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill are really f*cking old.

While reprising his iconic role as Han Solo, 71-year-old Ford fell and broke his ankle on the set in a way that involved the door of the Millennium Falcon either opening or closing or just plain existing. Gwendoline Christie, who plays Brienne of Tarth on Game of Thrones and has been cast as Chewbacca in Star Wars 7 sadly wasn’t around to break his fall.

(She’s not really playing Chewbacca, I’m an asshole and still bitter about getting her in a “Which Game of Thrones woman are you?” quiz instead of The Queen.)  Continue reading “Harrison Ford Injured by Falcon”

Disney Brings Grandma Leia to ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’

Grandma LeiaCarrie Fisher confirmed her return to Star Wars in an  interview with Palm Beach Illustrated (a publication that usually features wine tasting advice and tips for maintaining “beach beauty”).

Her comments tie in with those made by veteran Mark Hamill (who speculated that Luke would be “living out in some kind of desert igloo with a couple of robots”), and the rumor that Harrison Ford was also being propositioned for Star Wars Episode VII: An Old Hope.

These three are in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, and as much as I admire them all, I DO NOT WANT to see them wheeling around the Millennium Falcon cracking wise about their age all bloated and grey like Ford in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  Continue reading “Disney Brings Grandma Leia to ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’”

Disney Just Bought Lucasfilm For $4 Billion, Will Release A New Star Wars Film In 2015

Holy crap. Walt Disney Pictures bought Lucasfilm and the rights to Star Wars for $4.05 billion dollars today. And that’s not all. Disney CEO Bob Iger says new movies are on the way!

“The expectation is we’ll release 2 and 3 [‘Episode 8’ and ‘9’] … probably on a cadence on every other year [after 7 in 2015], and then go from there. … The film is what I’ll call early stage development right now,” Iger said in a conference call.

Here’s the official statement from George Lucas:  Continue reading “Disney Just Bought Lucasfilm For $4 Billion, Will Release A New Star Wars Film In 2015”

Funny Video: Star Wars – Attack Of The MODELS!

Maybe you’ve had enough of Star Wars parodies, but I haven’t. If you don’t like it, go jump into a pool full of venomous water snakes. Actually don’t, I need as many viewers as I can get.

As you can see, I now have advertising on my page and will do anything short of handing out my internal organs and juicy electronics collection to captivate your attention.  Continue reading “Funny Video: Star Wars – Attack Of The MODELS!”

Erik Bauersfeld (Ackbar/Fortuna) Has Never Seen Star Wars

89 year-old Erik Bauersfeld, is the former director of drama and literature department for the Berkeley-based radio station 94.1 KPFA. He is known as the voice of Admiral Ackbar (“It’s a trap!”) and Bib Fortuna (Jabba’s red-eyed majordomo) in Return Of The Jedi.

Though he is not credited for his work in the conclusion to the beloved George Lucas trilogy, fans found out after the film’s release in 1983. To this day he receives a handful of fan mail.  Continue reading “Erik Bauersfeld (Ackbar/Fortuna) Has Never Seen Star Wars”