Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes

So I got an email today from Jennifer Lawrence’s lawyer and I also stepped in poop. The poop thing is obviously much worse, but not really a story.

The email stated that I need to remove a completely censored image of Jennifer, one of the many from her widespread hacked nude photo scandal and also my entire article.

Let me just say that, like my fat cat Raisin (the one whose poop I stepped in), her lawyers are sweet but also completely misguided and derpy. Believing they can actually stop the photos from being shared and seen leads me to believe that – also like Raisin – THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE INTERNET WORKS.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes”

Alec Baldwin and His Wife Commit Hate Crimes and Throw People Out Windows

Alec Baldwin Hilaria Thomas casualAlec Baldwin is being investigated for calling one New York Post photographer a “coon” and telling another that he wanted to choke her to death. Meanwhile, his wife is being sued for teaching crappy injury-causing yoga classes.

One story is easier to believe than the other since we all know Alec Baldwin once called his daughter a pig and wore a Klan robe on a public street in broad daylight. Baldwin denied making the racist remarks, which originated because he was asked about the allegations against his pregnant wife…

Allegations that she, Hilaria Thomas, yoga instructor extraordinaire, overbooked a class and the overbooking supposedly resulted in a man putting his leg through a window.  Continue reading “Alec Baldwin and His Wife Commit Hate Crimes and Throw People Out Windows”

Lady Gaga Sued By Assistant/Best Friend Jennifer O’Neill For $400,000

Lady Gaga's assistantLady Gaga‘s best friend since she was 19 and assistant from 2009 to 2011 is suing her for $393,000, claiming she owes her over 7,000 hours of overtime pay.

Jennifer O’Neill says she could not handle Gaga’s weird requests, like sharing a bed with her every night and being by her side “virtually 24 hours a day, seven days a week.” Meanwhile, Gaga insists that O’Neill, who she calls a bad friend who never did her job properly, knew from the start that there was no paid overtime.

“I’m going to give all the money that she wants to my employees that work hard for me now that deserve it,” Gaga said during her deposition. “I’m not going to give it to her so she can go to Intermix and buy herself a new tube top.” Continue reading “Lady Gaga Sued By Assistant/Best Friend Jennifer O’Neill For $400,000”

Magic Johnson Sued By Woman Who Says He Made Her Squeeze His Red Vines

NBA superstar Earvin Magic Johnson is being accused of food fascism, age discrimination and being a generally bad employer by a woman who claims to be Johnson’s flight attendant on his private jet.

45-year-old Lanita Thomas specifies in her lawsuit that Earvin used her showing up to work 15 minutes late last month as an excuse to fire her and hire a younger woman.

The best thing she cites as a reason for suing him has to do with his affinity for “fresh” candy. Thomas states that he “forced” her to “regularly squeeze his red vines to make sure they were soft,” which is not code for anything.

Continue reading “Magic Johnson Sued By Woman Who Says He Made Her Squeeze His Red Vines”

Smashing Pumpkins’ Lead Billy Corgan Sued Over Falling Tree

Famous couple (and naked bathtub video-makers) Eric Dane (Grey’s Anatomy) and Rebecca Gayheart (Jawbreaker) are suing their musician neighbor Billy Corgan over a eucalyptus tree that fell onto their property.

According to a lawsuit obtained by TMZ, a very pregnant Gayheart and her husband had to evacuate their flooding home after the tree knocked over a power line and fell into their home in Beverly Hills during a vicious storm in 2011.

This sounds like a really good video game produced by John Woo or Quentin Tarantino. With-child woman dodging live high voltage wires with her cocky fake doctor husband (he doesn’t make it).

Continue reading “Smashing Pumpkins’ Lead Billy Corgan Sued Over Falling Tree”

Even Though She Has A Baby, Bristol Palin Is Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex

Sarah Palin’s daughter had her son Tripp at the age of 17 and now she’s swearing off sex until the man of her dreams gets on his knees and slips a ring on her finger… and hopefully a Trojan on himself. She told In Touch:

“I’m doing what’s best for me. It’s between me and God, and I know it’s right. My sister Willow is 17, and when I was her age, I was eight months pregnant, and I look at her and I think, ‘Holy cow, I was just a baby!’ I don’t care what your background is — it’s so hard.”

The world needs less Palins, Romneys and Bachmann. Bristol‘s current boyfriend, Gino Paoletti, is apparently completely out of luck, or in luck, depending on how you look at it.

Continue reading “Even Though She Has A Baby, Bristol Palin Is Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex”

Janice Dickinson Evicted From L.A. home

What is that crazy talking plastic baseball bat Janice Dickinson up to lately? Why, getting evicted from her home of course! The supermodel and reality star (Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency was my favorite) reportedly owes $17,700 in back rent.

That’s three months of stiffed payments (at $5,900 a month) for her 3,000 square foot West LA home. Her landlords have filed a lawsuit, claiming that they gave her a three-day notice to pay or leave on May 7th and she ignored it.

Now they want her to cough up the money and get out. Does this not mirror Courtney Love’s eviction from her NY Townhome last year, but with less setting the drapes on fire, and she owed three times this amount.

If you look at it that way, Janice is responsible. A regular role model… to foster children and bugs.

Oasis/Gallagher Brother Drama

The two eyebrow-wielding goblin Gallagher brothers of popular British phenom Oasis are feuding, for the millionth time. This time, Liam (the less toolboxy brother) is suing Noel for comments he made about him (Liam) pulling out of V-Fest 2009 at the last minute.

Noel claimed that Liam was drunk or hungover and unprofessional about the situation at V-Fest. So, hairy x-men creature #2 (Liam) freaked out and decided to sue Noel, because he won’t take his comments back and apologize. Also, something about Liam’s clothing label being inappropriately promoted? Are you confused yet? I am.

Continue reading “Oasis/Gallagher Brother Drama”