Unhappy, Penisless Man Becomes Happiest Man Ever After Successful Transplant

banana cuttingDoctors in Cape Town, South Africa were recently able to confirm the world’s first successful penis transplant on a 21-year-old man who lost his member three years earlier. And it only took 9 hours!

The man was 18 at the time of his initiation to manhood, when a surgeon accidentally cut off his entire shaft instead of just his foreskin.

Fortunately, things are starting to look up, as he reportedly sported a post-op erection during a follow-up procedure.  Continue reading “Unhappy, Penisless Man Becomes Happiest Man Ever After Successful Transplant”

Lisa Kudrow Had Plastic Surgery at Age 16

Lisa kudrow nose job before and afterOne of my favorite comic actresses, Lisa Kudrow, got a nose job when she was in high school, calling it a “good, good change” because of how uncomfortable she felt prior.

“That was life altering. I went from, in my mind, hideous, to not hideous,” Kudrow told The Saturday Evening Post. “I did it the summer before going to a new high school. So there were plenty of people who wouldn’t know how hideous I looked before.”

I’ve always loved and respected Lisa Kudrow, and this news doesn’t change that one bit.  Continue reading “Lisa Kudrow Had Plastic Surgery at Age 16”

Chinese Man Grows Nose on Forehead

nose head guy Ermagerd, a doctor in China surgically grew a new nose on the forehead of a 22-year-old man whose original nose became infected after a car accident. The procedure took place in the Southeastern Fujian province, and is said to be the first of its kind.

So what did you do today? Oh, that’s nice, but while you were grocery shopping or twerking on dwarves to “Thrift Shop,” OTHERS were growing noses on their foreheads, you know, being medical marvels.

I’d like to note that one American doctor who commented on the surgery said the cartilage is currently in its most sensitive state and may fall apart at any moment.  Continue reading “Chinese Man Grows Nose on Forehead”

Melissa Etheridge is Banned From My Window Until She Shuts Up About Angelina Jolie

Melissa Etheridge on stageMusician, activist and cancer survivor Melissa Etheridge dislikes all the talk of Angelina Jolie as a brave and honorable soul.

During a non-televised interview, Etheridge said Jolie actually made the “most fearful choice,” adding that her stress levels and nutrition should have been taken into account.

“It’s the stress that will turn that gene on or not,” Etheridge told the Washington Blade. “Plenty of people have the gene mutation and everything but it never comes to cancer.”

There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don’t even know where to start. It’s like the notion that you can’t catch a cold unless you’re a feeble, bedridden old geezer.

Eating healthy, exercising and living with the lowest amount of stress are proven ways to extend the human lifespan, but cancer is much harder to avoid than say, heart disease.  Continue reading “Melissa Etheridge is Banned From My Window Until She Shuts Up About Angelina Jolie”

Skiier Lindsey Vonn Taken Down By Brutal Knee Injury, Airlifted To Hospital

Lindsey Vonn airliftedDecorated American ski champion Lindsey Vonn‘s chances of competing in the near future were frighteningly halted yesterday when she was airlifted to the hospital following a nasty tumble down a mountain at the Alpine world championships in Austria.

The United States team medical director informed news outlets that she had torn two ligaments in her knee and requires reconstructive surgery that will keep her out for the remainder of the season.

It is unlikely that the injury will keep her away from the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia.

Continue reading “Skiier Lindsey Vonn Taken Down By Brutal Knee Injury, Airlifted To Hospital”

Mickey Rourke’s Face Is Flatlining

Mickey Rourke isn’t going to be a mummy for Halloween but he wouldn’t have to change much to do so.

In new pictures acquired by Radar and The National Enquirer, Mickey’s face is on display after work (plastic surgery) he had done in 2011.

He can blame the broken nose and messed up cheekbone he incurred after his stint as a teenage boxer (from 1964 to 1972) all he wants but these surgeries are about as necessary as my neighbor burning steak and letting the entire hallway fill up with smoke.

I mean, would it kill you to open the outside door to let some air in? No, but Mickey is zero botched surgeries away from an unrevivable career. My hair still smells like smoke and his face looks like shit.

The Invincible Tin Woodsman, Dick Cheney

Former Vice President Dick Cheney underwent a heart transplant on Saturday in Virginia raising the taboo questions, ‘is he too old?’ and ‘does he deserve it?’

Cheney seems invincible considering he’s has had five heart attacks and two prior surgeries since 1978.

It’s likely that his veins were drained long ago and replaced with synthetic 900 proof cat blood. Anything with urban nine-lives mythology.

ABC News stated that many hospitals have policies against performing transplants on patients over 65 but that some will go as old as 72. (Cheney is 71)

He was on the transplant list for over 20 months, which is not an unusually long time. According to Dr. Jonathan Chen of Columbia University, the VP’s new heart probably doesn’t come based on wealth or status.  Continue reading “The Invincible Tin Woodsman, Dick Cheney”

Woman Gets 100 Lip Injections In Order To Resemble Jessica Rabbit

Congratulations, creepy woman in St Petersburg Russia, you now have the biggest lips in existence. Yes, Kristina Rei was convinced for years that her lips were thin and undesirable so she took drastic and unnecessary measures.

Her solution? Over one hundred lip injections, since the age of 17 (she’s 22 now) in order to look just like her childhood idol – Jessica Rabbit.

Each silicone injection costs around $53 U.S. dollars so overall she’s had about $5200 dollars worth of mouth-specific plastic surgery. Also, she says she’s not done.

“My big lips have helped boost my confidence. Even my parents are happy for me. They really don’t care about my appearance. Some of my friends have told me I shouldn’t go any bigger but I’m not satisfied yet.”

Continue reading “Woman Gets 100 Lip Injections In Order To Resemble Jessica Rabbit”

New Pigment Surgery Lasers Away Brown Eyes

Yes Hitler’s dream of a blue-eyed nation is finally becoming a possibility, with a new surgery called “Lumineyes,” developed by Gregg Homer of California, you can look like Steve Sanders, Ellen DeGeneres or your pet Siamese cat.

In a few years you’ll be able to surgically alter your eye color, from brown to blue. The procedure costs $5,000 and took 10 years for Homer to perfect. Here’s how it works:

A computer scans your eye and uses a laser to “disrupt” (erase) the brown part of your iris. Since there is blue pigment in everyone’s eye, the laser looks to remove the top layer of melanin.

Continue reading “New Pigment Surgery Lasers Away Brown Eyes”

Ali Lohan, Woolly Eyebrow Swamp Thing

Everyone’s been talking about Lindsay Lohan‘s 17 year-old sister’s new look. Ali Lohan’s modeling portfolio has opened our eyes to the fears of “growing up.”

Or is it plastic surgery? Or maybe she just started eating more scarcely than Cinderella, and intentionally stopped plucking her eyebrows.

She looks like some sort of terrifying 95-pound waif-mannequin. Someone help her!

And whatever you do, don’t book her for any work! Nobody encourage this possibly UFO-abductee!…

Continue reading “Ali Lohan, Woolly Eyebrow Swamp Thing”

Did Jwoww Get Botox Or What?

I keep watching season four of Jersey Shore and fearing the moments when I have to look at Jwoww’s stretched, unmoving face.

I went on Google image search on a desperate quest to find comparison photos and then sadly realized that she doesn’t actually look as different as I thought.

Can some expert surgeon examine Jwoww and tell me if she had work done? The gossiping, pop-culture-devouring monster inside of me really needs to know…

Continue reading “Did Jwoww Get Botox Or What?”