Madonna is ‘Addicted’ To Sweat, And Instagram!

Madonna wig InstagramMadonna just joined Instagram and has already started hazing herself. In the first photo, Madge wears a Bettie Page wig with a peculiar orange tint and a simple “Cheers motherf*ckers! I’m on instagram.”

One commentator wrote that she looked like “an aardvark sucking up ants,” but I disagree…

Lady Gaga looks nothing like an aardvark.

She ditched the alcoholic drink in her second picture for a breezy, cucumber-infused shot of semen. Semen that she claimed was sweat. Sweat that she is “addicted to.” (If you’re immature and you know it and you really wanna show it KEEP REPLACING “SWEAT” WITH “SEMEN.”)  Continue reading “Madonna is ‘Addicted’ To Sweat, And Instagram!”

What’s Going On With Charlie Sheen’s Neck?

I should probably feel bad about writing an article on Charlie Sheen‘s HD neck wrinkles in the aftermath of the Colorado shooting. But, I’m only human and can’t stop the flow of “news” stories.

Sheen has been making the rounds, promoting his new show Anger Management (which I hear is a lot like Two And A Half Men minus one and a half of the men).

On Thursday night he visited Jimmy Kimmel looking quite refreshed, except for one thing – his neck. It’s like he’s transferred all the years of drugs, alcohol, stress and vigorous goddess sex out of his face and into the equatorial place where his torso meets his head.  Continue reading “What’s Going On With Charlie Sheen’s Neck?”

Christina Aguilera’s Spray Tan Catastrophe

My condolences to friends and entourage members of Christina Aguilera, who must endure looking at her crumpled sausage body, impending chin rolls and that suspicious brown liquid that distracted from her performance at the Etta James memorial service.

For a short time, the world thought that at last her bowels had come undone but some insider from Us Weekly claims that it was a simple case of, ummm, a melted spray tan?

The source said, “She sang her heart out. It was a memorial service for her idol and she was nervous, the sweat caused her spray tan to streak.” Continue reading “Christina Aguilera’s Spray Tan Catastrophe”