Ellie Goulding And Taylor Swift Are Getting Drunk Together While Everyone Else Drinks Tea

Ellie Goulding Taylor Swift Selena Gomez HaimDancing Man fan Ellie Goulding (really loving “Outside” and “Heavy Crown” right now), Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez and members of the indie/rock group Haim had an epic all-celebrity girl tea party today, except someone wasn’t drinking tea.

Two someones, actually…

As you can see, Ellie and bestie/Taylor Swift, giggling in the corner and mowing down on some alcohol.

I wonder how Coke would feel about Taylor enjoying rum with their product?

Kanye is ‘Definitely’ Recording With Taylor Swift

taylor swift kanye memeWhat kind of world am I living in? Apparently one where Kanye West and Taylor Swift bury the hatchet by recording sweet sweet music together.

Kanye hasn’t recorded sweet sweet music since 2010, and while I doubt a country/pop crossover with Taylor is the answer, it’s still astounding that he says he’s for sure going to make sure going to make music with the girl who’s moment he ruined on behalf of Beyonce all those years ago.  Continue reading “Kanye is ‘Definitely’ Recording With Taylor Swift”

Video: Taylor Swift – “Blank Space”

In “Blank Spaces,” we are reminded that even the most “hardcore” version of Taylor Swift makes about as many waves as a grain of salt in a bathtub.

With its use of Swift’s real-life pet – the splendiferously fluffy Olivia Benson – horses, golf clubs and a male model, “Blank Spaces” is a 12-year-old’s version of a revenge video.
  
She really dented the shit out of that guy’s car and killed the fuck out of that cake.

I would have liked to see a Lorde cameo. Like busting out from behind a bush freak-dancing with lighting bolts coming out of her head (all her power comes from her hair), but she’s too busy covering sexy R&B songs to bother.  Continue reading “Video: Taylor Swift – “Blank Space””

New Best Friends Lorde and Taylor Swift go Shopping, Hold Hands on the Beach

Taylor Swift and lorde holding hands
Photos of Taylor Swift and Lorde frolicking on the beach and shopping for something other than good sense and dancing abilities indicate that the two songwriters are becoming close friends.
Via Us Weekly, who called the pair this generation’s “Thelma and Louise” (oh God):

Swift Instagrammed a photo with her new bestie with the caption, “Bare feet in the sand on Saturday.”

The fast friends appeared to be coordinating their outfits, with dark bottoms, button-up tops, and shades.

It looks like Swift may have had a fun sleep over with the New Zealand native in her multi-million dollar Beverly Hills mansion. Because on Sunday, Feb. 23, they were spotted out and about together for a second time, this time shopping in L.A.’s star-friendly Brentwood neighborhood.

Taylor Swift and Lorde shoe shoppingSPL706561_016
An unlikely pair? Maybe not so much. They’re both human girls under the age of 25 who, uh, make music that falls in the loosely defined “pop” genre. Swift is as much of a serial bestie as she is a dater…

And think about it, she could be her mentor and warn her of the woes of dating John Mayer. (Perhaps she’s revised that “Dear John” hate speech that failed to work on Katy Perry.)  Continue reading “New Best Friends Lorde and Taylor Swift go Shopping, Hold Hands on the Beach”

Video: Taylor Swift and Ellie Goulding Perform “Anything Could Happen”

My friend and I were talking last night about about the VMAs and I mentioned Ellie Goulding, telling him that I love her more than ever because of Halcyon Days. (It’s all about “Midas Touch” and “Flashlight”)…

Me: The new songs uhhh so good!
Him: You two should have lesbo kids!
Me: I would totally have lesbo kids with her any day any time
Him: P (:)
Me: I’ll throw her in a burlap sack full of crumpets
Him: Laaaaybia
Me: And impregnate her with copies of Downton Abbey

So, bad British stereotypes aside, Ellie was weirdly not asked to perform at the VMAs because she’s just too talented for Miley’s steamy foam herpes finger. (Fortunately “twerk” was added to the dictionary and it’s a great Scrabble word.) BUT there is this pre-VMA video of Taylor Swift and her at Staples Center.

Swifty introduced Goulding as one of her “favorite” artists and also her friend. Awwwww.

Post “Taylor Swift” Audio Clip of Kanye Emerges

Kanye west stealing taylor swiftKanye is like a hemorrhoid that just won’t go away.  You think he’s gone and will stop being such a pain in the ass, and then BOOM, he comes sneaking back, this time in the form of a nearly 4-year-old audio clip immediately following the Taylor Swift VMA incident in 2009.

In the clip, Kanye is flying off the handle in an attempt to justify his actions during the 2009 VMAs when he ran up on stage and killed Taylor Swift’s soul.  Some gems:

“And that’s what I’m saying. Because I did that, Taylor Swift cannot win over Beyoncé! Because I wrote my verse in two days, Taylor Swift cannot beat Beyoncé.” (That doesn’t make sense).

“‘Cause there ain’t gonna be no more motherfucking Elvises with no James Browns.” (Solid use of metaphor).  Continue reading “Post “Taylor Swift” Audio Clip of Kanye Emerges”

Taylor Swift Coughed up a $500 Tip on a Few Bowls of Chicken Parmesan

Taylor Swift italian restaurantTaylor Swift isn’t like her “peers.” She’s not an insufferable little twat like Justin Bieber, she doesn’t do embarrassing shit like twerk with teddy bears (Miley) or appear to be suffering from yet-to-be-discovered vagina bugs like Vanessa Hudgens. Yeah she’s had a lot of boyfriends, but she’s also a good tipper.

So on top of having an arsenal of top 40 hits about her exes, Swifty throws money at waitresses and waiters like Kid Rock at a strip club.

After dining out in Philly with tour mates Ed Sheeran, Austin Mahone and others at the Italian restaurant Ralph’s, Taylor left a $500 tip on an $800 bill, which is a whopping 62%. AND she gave concert tickets to the head chef’s autistic son. And ate a plate of chicken Parmesan that was “almost as big as her,” according to the owner.  Continue reading “Taylor Swift Coughed up a $500 Tip on a Few Bowls of Chicken Parmesan”

Tiny Taylor Swift Falls in Love With Tiny Ed Sheeran in ‘Everything Has Changed’ Video

everything has changed kid taylor swiftThe video for Taylor Swift’s “Everything Has Changed” featuring touring buddy and speculated real-life love interest Ed Sheeran is the seemingly sweet and innocent tale of two childhood best friends who appear to be early versions of Swift and Sheeran.

But there’s a twist. At the end of the thing we learn that the little ginger male and the curly-haired female are actually the kids of the two singers. Am I the only one that thought they were divorced and attempting to cordially share custody? Oh no, that’s weird because the kids are supposed to be together one day.

Okay okay… If they weren’t divorced, were they about to meet and make a third daywalker child which they would eventually resent and divorce over? I hate surprises. Everything ends in death. Continue reading “Tiny Taylor Swift Falls in Love With Tiny Ed Sheeran in ‘Everything Has Changed’ Video”

This is the Face Taylor Swift Makes When Selena Gomez Acts a Fool

2013 Billboard Music Awards - Press RoomTaylor swift surprise Billboard awards
I’m just kidding. Those are just the faces she makes when she wins a bunch of awards.

One second of backstory: Swifty sat with Selena Gomez during the 2013 Billboard Awards last night. After the show, she witnessed her friend (Selena) planting a kiss on Justin Bieber.

You see where I’m going with this? Crazy USC Trojan style marching band drumroll please…
Taylor Swift Selena Gomez tongue Justin bieber kiss gif face
There you have it. The actual face she makes when her friends make bad decisions. Ew. Cooties.

Man Swims Two Miles Just to Catch a Glimpse of Taylor Swift in Her Natural Habitat

Taylor Swift flatteredTMZ reports that a young man swam all of two miles just to spy on Taylor Swift in her oceanfront mansion in Rhode Island. (The one she bought for $17 million cash in April.)

Actually, he swam one mile in the penis-freezing cold of the Atlantic and then swam straight back after he saw her beefy security guards patrolling the area.

Hold the “Looks like she found a new boyfriend” or “Ryan Lochte must be bored” jokes. We shouldn’t make fun of the champion stalker with the bravery of a thousand bayonet-wielding mountain lions.

I mean, that’s dedication. Look up the word in the dictionary and you’ll see a photo of this guy’s mugshot. She should really give him a signed photo or show him half a tit or something.  Continue reading “Man Swims Two Miles Just to Catch a Glimpse of Taylor Swift in Her Natural Habitat”

Taylor Swift Disses Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, Says They’re Going Straight To Hell Without Passing Go

Taylor Swift vanity fairTaylor Swift took it a bit too far when she hit beloved funny-ladies Amy Poehler and Tina Fey with a stone normally reserved for her ex-boyfriends. In the latest issue of Vanity Fair, Taylor (who I THOUGHT had an okay sense of humor) says there’s a special place in hell for the Golden Globe hosts who light-heartedly told her to “stay away” from Michael J. Fox’s son, joking that she “Needs some ‘me time’ to learn about herself.”

“You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people,” Swift told Vanity Fair’s Nancy Jo Sales. “Because she said to me she had heard a quote that she loved, that said, ‘There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.’” 

I’d like to randomly mention that the favorited quote about women and fire/brimstone was originally delivered by Madeleine Albright at a WNBA game in 2006. I doubt our former Secretary of State would appreciate it being used maliciously against fellow feminists like Tina Fey.  Continue reading “Taylor Swift Disses Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, Says They’re Going Straight To Hell Without Passing Go”

Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys

jennifer lopez grammy leg
The Grammys are boring, but you and I, we can pretend they’re not by focusing less on the gaudy “rock” and country music and more on the scandals, bad outfits and cleavage.

These are the most headline-worthy celebrities at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards

1. Jennifer Lopez

J-Lo joked onstage that she couldn’t give a cougarf*cking Casper Smart about CBS’s prude dress code memo, delivering a big f-you in the form of a giant, puffy genital-exposing gam.  Continue reading “Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys”

Best and Worst Moments and Fashion at the 2013 Golden Globes

Amy and Tina Golden Globes

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Blew Ricky Gervais and all other hosts out of the water

For some reason, humanity has yet to come up with good word for the female version of a bromance. Regardless, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s girlmance/clam-admiration rivals all.

The two SNL funnyladies got laughs without really making fun of anyone. Do you have any idea how hard that is? No, you don’t, because they made it look SO DAMN EASY. Blast.

Tina: Tonight we honor the television shows that have entertained us all year, as well as the films that have only been in theaters for two days. 

Amy: That’s what makes tonight so special, only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television [pan to Quentin Tarantino].  Continue reading “Best and Worst Moments and Fashion at the 2013 Golden Globes”

One Direction Band Members Jealous of Heathrow Haylor

Heathrow Haylor 1Taylor Swift is to One Direction what Yoko Ono was to The Beatles, a source tells the The Sun. According to them, Taylor is Yoko-y because Harry Styles “ditched” his bandmates in favor of a cozy private plane ride with his new girlfriend.

The article also makes a point of mentioning that Liam Payne suffered painful injuries at Heathrow airport after fighting through aggressive fans.

Five dollars on the anonymous source actually being one of the guys from One Direction.

Continue reading “One Direction Band Members Jealous of Heathrow Haylor”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [12-5-12]

Taylor Swift Harry Styles babyTaylor Swift does move fast, already had a baby with One Direction’s Harry Styles. (Daily Mirror)

HBO special on Beyonce reveals her desire to reveal nothing? (ohmyGAHH!)

Julie Andrews‘ circa 1997 vocal cord surgery damage is irreparable. (Huffington Post)

Famous/viral “homeless man” continues to go barefoot, has a home. (Yahoo!)

Balenciaga creative director/Liberty Ross bestie may fire Kristen Stewart. (Evil Beet)

I can forgive that John Mayer is on the RS 50 best albums list because of Garbage. (Stereogum)

Since we’re talking lists, here’s one that’s less about music and more about NUDE CELEBS. (Gawker)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [11-18-12]

Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez grab a bite, who do you think they’re talking about? (Celebuzz)

New worldwide box office record set by Breaking Dawn – Part 2. (Deadline)

Katie Holmes would do a Dawson’s Creek reunion if it had an actual story. (Evil Beet)

Post-divorce kids with a Miss Universe winner will cost about $16,500 a month. (TMZ)

Jay-Z too cool to call Robert De Niro back? Rude ass. (ONTD!)

“I would have preferred waterboarding” – Penn Jillette, on talking to Clay Aiken. (Radar)

Eminem is “the butt police” on new Rihanna Unapologetic track “Numb.” (Pop Crush)

Taylor Swift Removes Hipster Testicles With Rusty Acoustic Guitar Strings

In an interview with The Guardian Taylor Swift talks about all the things you’d expect her to talk about – fairy tales, boys, youth, and hipsters.

She tells the publication that the line “And you, will hide away and find your piece of mind with some indie record that’s much cooler than mine” from “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is inspired by a guy who despised the mainstream.

That was the most important line of the song. It was a relationship where I felt very critiqued and subpar. He’d listen to this music that nobody had heard of … but as soon as anyone else liked these bands, he’d drop them. I felt that was a strange way to be a music fan. And I couldn’t understand why he would never say anything nice about the songs I wrote or the music I made.  Continue reading “Taylor Swift Removes Hipster Testicles With Rusty Acoustic Guitar Strings”