Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 5

All your favorite, scattered medieval peeps are returning in April and instead of finding each other they’re going to die get even more spread out! (See Varys and bearded Tyrion drifting towards the Khaleesi, Arya all by her lonesome in Bravos.)
  
Various websites keep telling me that season 5 may kill me be a “tough watch” for attached fans and Sansa is going to go through an “intense trauma,” so not only are more Starks going to die, but prepare to get bombarded with new characters like Oberyn’s daughters and brother, the High Sparrow and more!  Continue reading “Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 5”

How Will Gwen Stefani Match up Against Other ‘Voice’ Judges?

I’ve been watching a lot of Gwen Stefani interviews today to see what exact kind of personality we’re looking at, and so far I’ve learned that she stays in touch with Madonna, once wanted a pet monkey and continues to describe her husband as “hot” years after their wedding.

Like former female The Voice coaches Shakira and Christina Aguilera, Stefani is a super proud blond giver of birth who calls motherhood “the best thing that’s ever happened” in her life.

She’s adorably Californian, knows she’s fabulous, and will likely vibe well with fellow blond beauty/sourpuss Adam Levine and new token-black-guy-judge Pharrell (who is half to blame for the spelling lesson in “Hollaback Girl”). Go ahead and put on an EVEN bigger hat, you’ll still never be Cee Lo.  Continue reading “How Will Gwen Stefani Match up Against Other ‘Voice’ Judges?”

Jennifer Lawrence’s Best Friend (Who is Not You) and Boyfriend (Also Not You) Sing Her Praises

Jennifer Lawrence Nicholas Hoult Oscars 2014If you watched (or read about) the Oscars you may have noticed Jennifer Lawrence – dolphin in a sea of sharks, America’s charmingly shocked, clumsy and down-to-earth sweetheart – falling on the red carpet, presenting Best Actor to Matthew McConaughey (who memorably spoke of his father in heaven drinking beer in his underwear) and taking a Twitter-breaking selfie with Ellen, Bradley Cooper and a lot of other people with perfect skin who poop uncut diamonds.

Jennifer Lawrence is in fact so special and loved, she has separate dates to sit and walk with. Bestie Laura Simpson took the arrival honors, lending an arm-flailing Lawrence her neck and “freshly done Lauren Conrad up do” to break her fall, while longtime Brit boyfriend Nicholas Hoult (About a Boy, Skins, X-Men: First Class) appeared as her grinning, televised chair warmer.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence’s Best Friend (Who is Not You) and Boyfriend (Also Not You) Sing Her Praises”

Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 4: Vengeance

Another month passes that I continue to slack off and NOT catch up with the Song of Ice and Fire books in time for a new season. In the new trailer, Arya Stark is planning to roast Lannister body parts kebob-style, leaving all the ignant non-book smart folk wondering if the Khaleesi and her dragons will beat her to it.

Meanwhile, Joffrey’s marrying the ginger with the good boobs and Tyrion is living in fear of his own family, but the queen is PROBABLY too busy making kissy faces with her boyfriend-brother to kill him just yet.

Get your finger on the remote/torrent downloading button – Game of Thrones returns to HBO on April 6!

Orange is the New Black to Return June 6!

Awesome news to any and all who miss the amazingly lesbocentric and oddly heartwarming comedy about creepy prison guards and the women they terrorize -your favorite show to binge-watch Orange is the New Black, returns June 6.

More post-Valentine’s cheer from the OITNB tree, not only is ’90s darling Lori Petty (do I even need to utter the words “There’s no crying in baseball”?), but Netflix has released a season two teaser. It’s under 20 seconds and reveals absolutely nothing in terms of plot, but on the bright side, there’s probably more to come.

Random fact learned while Googling the show: Uzo Aduba was a figure skater for 10 years. Picture Crazy Eyes dancing on ice and tell me I didn’t just blow your mind. Continue reading “Orange is the New Black to Return June 6!”

Joe Pesci Gave Jonah Hill a Rectal Exam

Jonah Hill butt fingers storyThere are only a handful of men as weird and wonderful (and elusive) as Joe Pesci, right? I mean there’s Bill Murray… Sean Penn, maybe? And that’s really it.

Mobster extraordinaire and two-time Home Alone villain Pesci recently approached Jonah Hill at The Wolf Of Wall Street premiere to give him some sage advice about getting a swollen ego and allowing people to over-sing his praises.

“He goes, ‘You’re great in the movie, kid, I’m really proud of you.’ And I’m like, ‘Thank you, your acting means so much to me,'” Hill told Jimmy Fallon. “And he goes, ‘Here’s what I want you to do: I want you to go buy a helmet.’ And I go, ‘okay…'”  Continue reading “Joe Pesci Gave Jonah Hill a Rectal Exam”

SNL Hires First Black Lady Cast Member Since Maya Rudolph

Sasheer ZamataSaturday Night Live finally filled the crazy void left by Maya Rudolph, who joined the cast all the way back in 2000 and left seven years later.

Lorne Michaels and Co. have officially hired their first African-American cast member since Rudolph.

Her name is Sasheer Zamata, a UVA grad who performed with the Upright Citizens Brigade and appeared on Inside Amy Schumer.

Before Rudolph, there were a staggering TWO other black women featured regularly on the show – Danitra Vance in 1985 and Ellen Cleghorne in 1991.

Surprising, since the show has featured a fair amount of notable black penis-having comedians like Chris Rock, Tracy Morgan and Eddie Murphy.

Judging by the below YouTube video tweeted by Lena Dunham (who called it “crazy funny”), I think this Sasheer lady is going to kill it. Continue reading “SNL Hires First Black Lady Cast Member Since Maya Rudolph”

Maid Finds Jennifer Lawrence’s Butt Plug Stash, Pulls Prank

Jennifer Lawrence went on Conan on Wednesday and told a story about the time she encountered a hotel maid with a sense of humor to rival her own.

Apparently Lawrence was gifted “a copious amount of butt plugs” as a joke, but when she tried to hide them this, happened:

So the maid was coming so I was like, ‘Well I’ll just shove this under the bed so she doesn’t see all these butt plugs.’ She might not know they’re for a joke.”

Oh, there’s more.

“Then I came back and all of them were brought out of the bed and were in this beautiful display on my bedside table,” she added. “I think she knew what she was doing. They were under the bed! I wanted to leave a note like, ‘not mine’ or ‘bought as joke.'”

Continue reading “Maid Finds Jennifer Lawrence’s Butt Plug Stash, Pulls Prank”

Lady Gaga and Christina Aguilera Finally Met

Lady Gaga The Voice ChristinaOn yesterday’s finale of The Voice (spoiler: the Jamaican lady won!), Christina Aguilera joined Lady Gaga onstage for a special performance of “Do What U Want.”

Christina sexy chola danced across the stage while Gaga convulsed like an electrocuted cockroach.

It was as if Dracula broke into Liberace’s closet, put on a wig and seduced Bride of Frankenstein.

Towards the end, Dracula (Gaga) and BOF (Christina) hold hands and prance towards a chaise lounge where they share an intimate date involving rose petals, champagne and the half-assed version of motorboating a chest-to-face hug.  Continue reading “Lady Gaga and Christina Aguilera Finally Met”

Lady Gaga Rubs Against Joseph Gordon-Levitt For Retro, Christmas-Themed Body Heat

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Lady Gaga actually looks about as surprised as we are to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt on top of her, singing the 1949 classic “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” for her holiday special last week.

I mean she looks terrified. Not just here, but all the time. Why is that? It’s like the face her grandma would make after hearing the lyrics to that new song “Swine.Continue reading “Lady Gaga Rubs Against Joseph Gordon-Levitt For Retro, Christmas-Themed Body Heat”

Gaga Meeting Brit Actress and Style Icon June Brown is the Best Thing You’ll See This Week

June Brown Lady Gaga Graham Norton I’m not telling you to forget about BatKid, twin bonds or the bundled-up toddler’s reaction to ice, but Lady Gaga met her match in EastEnders star June Brown on the most recent episode of The Graham Norton Show on BBC America and it was fantastic.

First off, it’s always fun seeing Gaga interact with non-Little Monster humans, but no guest – not interviewee Jude Law or interviewer – has ever given her as much of a run for her money as Brown, who gave no f*cks in fur and jokingly lectured Gaga on the dangers of the lyric “do what you want with my body.”

Continue reading “Gaga Meeting Brit Actress and Style Icon June Brown is the Best Thing You’ll See This Week”

Katherine McPhee Caught Kissing Married ‘Smash’ Director

katherine mcphee kissing director Uh oh, looks like we have a repeat of the K-Stew/Rupert Sanders debacle. This time, it’s Smash director Michael Morris in hot water after photos of him kissing the show’s star, American Idol runner-up Katherine McPhee, were posted to TMZ.

Morris has been married to actress and frequent Howard Stern and Chelsea Handler guest Mary McCormack since 2003. It gets worse, Michael and Mary have three daughters together, and the youngest is only two. McPhee, 29, is also still technically married (“separated”) to some lesser-known, older producer.

Word has it, Morris was kicked out of the house by his wifey for not-lifey after he realized TMZ had obtained proof of the affair and confessed.

I wonder if Eric the Midget is considering catching a balloon to L.A. for a boost into the kissing booth.

Funny Video: Betty White Swings on a Wrecking Ball

You’ve seen a million Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” parodies by now, but this one, featuring Golden Girl goddess Betty White, is rivaled only by the one with Nic Cage’s head pasted onto Miley’s naked body.

Hurry up and click to see Betty swing to and fro and brandish a sledgehammer in the name of her crazy Lifetime old folk prank show, Off Their Rockers.

Obituary in Local New Mexico Paper Immortalizes Walter White

Walter White real obituaryBreaking Bad and the reign of Heisenberg may be over, but one group of fans funded one last hoorah in the form of a real obituary for the beloved and entirely fictional Walter White.

The obit, printed in the Albuquerque Journal, states that the 52-year-old teacher, research chemist and founder of a meth manufacturing empire “died Sunday after a long battle with lung cancer, and a gunshot wound.”

I liked the finale, if anyone cares, because it was subtle, like Walt’s life pre-meth, but I still think Skyler should have died during that knife fight, or maybe the break-in scene with the baby, or crossing the street.  Continue reading “Obituary in Local New Mexico Paper Immortalizes Walter White”

WATCH: Lip Sync Battle W/ Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Merchant (of The Office and Extras fame) smother us with a pillow of cuteness in a new video courtesy of NBC’s Late Night.

It doesn’t matter if you care about lip syncing. In terms of musical fakery, this will make you like it the way Air Guitar Nation made you like a half-naked Asian dude with a front-facing Hello Kitty backpack.

JGL wins hands down with his adorably exact and theatrical dub of “Super Bass” by Nicki Minaj.

I’d Be a Liar if I Said This 13-Year-Old on X-Factor Didn’t Just Make Me Cry

Rion Page X FactorI started watching X-Factor last year to see Britney Spears act a fool, and I’m continuing to watch this year for no reason at all… No reason until I saw 13-year-old Rion Page take the stage.

Page was born with a disorder that affected her joints and made her unable to bend her hands, is almost completely blind in one eye, and has an incredible voice and attitude.

Granted, I’m feeling extra emotional and would probably cry at a plastic bag if it was blowing the way that the one in American Beauty did, but a tween with this much confidence and talent (not to mention awesome parenting from her mom), made me smile and gave me, dare I say it, hope.  Continue reading “I’d Be a Liar if I Said This 13-Year-Old on X-Factor Didn’t Just Make Me Cry”

Twerking YouTube Girl on Fire is a Stuntwoman :(

The  woman who lit herself on fire while twerking against a door (see GIF a few posts down) is actually a stuntwoman in cahoots with Jimmy Kimmel named Daphne Avalon.

Sadly, being in on the joke instantly makes it much less funny. I feel cheated, just like that other time the woman who burned her hand on a curling iron while singing Kreayshawn turned out to be an actress, or the other time the celebrities read the mean tweets that were mostly made up by comedians.

Kimmel pretended to interview the booty-shaking burn victim whose twerk fail video was one of the most popular of the week on his show last night, eventually revealing a director’s cut that featured him putting out the fire (in a matching pink shirt) with an extinguisher. Continue reading “Twerking YouTube Girl on Fire is a Stuntwoman :(“